


Life on Crow Avenue

by Nad98



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Flower Shop & Tattoo Parlor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Aromantic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Falling In Love, Family Dynamics, Hard of Hearing Remus, Healing, Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Multi, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamorous Pansexual Remus, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, Trans Logic | Logan Sanders, Transphobia, You get a warning for the suicide attempt at the beginning of the chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:21:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 66,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26372629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nad98/pseuds/Nad98
Summary: Roman and Remus are the new owners of the flower shopFlores Encantadasat Crow Avenue. Their business starts of well enough and as time goes they start to get to know the different shop runners on the street. There is the pastel punk tattoo artist Patton, the reserved but sharp bookshop owner Logan and the uncle and nephew duo Janus and Virgil, which run a pet store/rescue.And as they get closer, they reveal their wounds and scars, bruises and blisters. See those of the others and learn togehter how to heal.And maybe also how to crash a wedding or how to go viral on diverse social media platforms.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 156
Kudos: 120





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can listen to this chapter here^^

“You can handle yourself?” Roman asked as he was about to go out through the backdoor of their shop.

Remus huffed for the millionth time and stared at him. They had gone over this last night at length and Remus really did not want to repeat this discussion again. Also, if Roman was not to go soon, he would be late and he did not want his brother to be late for his first theatre group meeting in years.

And so, Remus told him while pulling his beanie further over his forehead: “We both know I can, so just get your ass out of here and go play pretend with your new, silly, potential friends.”

“It’s not play prete-”

“It’s ten to four pm, Príncipe. Go.”

Immediately Roman checked the time on his phone and sprinted cursing through the door with a last: “Bye Rem! Set nothing on fire and take care!”

Remus rolled his eyes and turned back to the arrangement he had been working on before. It was a birthday present for an elderly lady from one of her oldest friends. She asked for tickseed – coreopsis – to be in the arrangement and let him have fun with the rest.

Her request had refreshed him. Normally, people didn’t care for the little flower, growing in the wild and maybe even looked at as weed, but Remus liked them quite a bit.

“Always cheerful”

He imagined the woman he was making the arrangement for. She was turning 67, he had been told. She probably was little, chubby, had bright brown eyes with a glint of curiosity and life in it. A laugher, which resembled the honking of a goose and was authentic and refreshing. She had a little trouble standing up but her voice carried strongly and her hands pointed with intent.

Quietly, with a hum on his lips Remus worked on the little basket and eventually put a blue ribbon and with a few wooden buttons around the basket. The elder lady would come by at half past four to get it and Remus had it ready now.

He looked around in their store. It had been a slow day and right now nobody was inside. Remus scratched his left under arm and clicked his tongue. A good time to put some of the last boxes away, he thought and occupied himself with the task.

They had moved into this shop at the beginning of May and had the opening at the 25th, so a lot of things weren’t really at the place where they were supposed to be. Roman and he had been alone to set up the displays, the register and decorations and while the important stuff all was standing, everything they needed was functioning and at their disposal, some things still needed to be put aside and optimized.

Remus’s eyes hushed over the display box at the west front and immediately felt the urge to pull them aside and rearrange them anew. He inhaled. He didn’t do that but instead picked up one of the empty boxes from under the display in the middle and brought them back into the storage room. As he walked back out, he took the water hose and walked around the room, checking and watering the hanging plants in the corners.

The fairy lights flashed two times and the bell rang. Quick Remus turned to see who had come inside.

“¡Bienvenido! How can I help you?” he asked, while walking towards the entrance and wiping his hands at his apron.

And then he saw them. The shelf with the orchids had blocked his view before but now he could see the curious person, who had come in. They were about his height, broader shoulders, a little gut, bushy, cyan-dyed hair which reached their chin and wore a black Demin waistcoat, with pastel unicorn and rainbow patches on it. Beneath they wore a t-shirt in pastel blue and pink hue, black ripped jeans, and combat boots with neon pink shoelaces. Their arms were covered in tattoos; the one which stuck out most to Remus was the motive of the silhouette of a winged figure falling as feathers came off their wings.

But in the end, they could have worn casual jeans, a blue polo shirt and a grey cardigan draped over their shoulder and Remus would have been enraptured just the same by those gold brown eyes, behind the round glasses, and this big warm smile.

“Hello!” they said cheery and Remus tried to get his grip back and keep his mouth from falling wide open. “I’m Patton. From the tattoo studio next door?”

Remus blinked. Tattoo studio? There was something in his head about this. He knew. He knew, he knew.

“The – the one above the bookstore?” Remus remembered vaguely and watched Patton’s eyes light up.

“Exactly! This one. Ink Hug!” he chuckled and got closer to offer Remus his hand.

Patton’s chin was scrubby. Judging the hair colour, he probably had dark hair if he wouldn’t dye it.

Remus took his hand and shook it firmly.

“A strong handshake,” Patton commented and Remus felt himself relax at once, “I like that in a man.”

They let go and Patton turned to look around in the room. His eyes were filled with curiosity and wonder and Remus started to rock a little on the spot.

“I just wanted to come and introduce myself, since I couldn’t make it to your official opening. You know, welcome you in the neighbourhood,” Patton explained further, apparently unbothered to keep the conversation going on his own.

“That’s kind of you,” Remus commented lamely.

The smile on Patton’s face somehow grew wider as he heard Remus speak and a short chuckle escaped Remus’s lips. He grabbed the collar of his white shirt and fanned himself with some fresh air before he stated, finally recognizing his own voice again: “The bookstore boy and the guy from the pet store have come by at the opening. Logan and – I forgot. It’s something with J?”

“Double right! It’s Janus Jones! Two J’s” Patton grinned and rocked on the tips of his shoes. “Also, I think Logan would not like to be called bookstore boy. He is a grown-up man after all.”

“With a stick up his butt and rage in his eyes. Not many men I’ve met can stare like that at homophobic ladies in their fifties and actually shut them up with just that. So, I’ll keep your warning in mind Patty,” Remus answered and winked.

Apparently, his bluntness had made Patton stumble and he almost expected him to bid him Good Bye and leave, as the fairy lights flashed again and the bell rang. Remus turned and saw Mrs. Torrez. Hastily, he gave Patton a nod and turned to her.

Politely he greeted her and the woman happily chatted with Remus for a few minutes in Spanish. The moment she had entered the store yesterday and was welcomed with a _¡Bienvenido!_ she had been absolutely smitten by the twins and she had been quick to tell them how nice it was to use her native language once in a while.

Remus didn’t mind her rambling and enthusiasm. It meant she was happy with the service and next to the products they sold that was their strongest suit. Carefully, he led her towards the counter as she talked and showed her the arrangement, unbeknown to him that their neighbour was watching him funnily.

Remus asked Mrs. Torrez if everything was to her liking and the woman almost looked like she wanted to jump up and down on the spot. she told him happily that it was perfect and her friend would love it.

“ _Glad to hear it. Would you like to have a little instruction card of how to take care of it? It’s not complicated, but it never hurts to have a little reminder of how much watering and sunlight some plants need_ ,” Remus offered her in Spanish.

“ _That would be wonderful, my boy. You offer such a great service, I’ll make sure to tell it my friends!_ ” she answered enthusiastically and Remus took forth the little card he had prepared.

He had had Roman write it, since his handwriting was a lot neater than his own if he didn’t want to go all out and do full blown calligraphy. Swiftly, Remus handed her the card and then Mrs. Torres payed. Closing the register, Remus asked her if she needed help to carry it outside, to which she agreed and he took the arrangement and carried it outside to her car.

Remus closed the door to the passenger seat and waved Mrs. Torrez a last Good Bye before he walked back inside and found himself again in the presence of Patton the tattoo artist. He was now straight up gaping at him with an impressed smile on his lips and Remus found himself scratching the back of his neck.

“You’ll fit in perfectly,” Patton said quietly.

Remus did not want to ask and just shrugged, hoping that was an appropriate response and was glad that Patton continued in a louder voice: “Lo and me always go to the Jazz place close by every Friday evening. Janus plays then and I wanted to ask you if you and your co-worker would want to come an join us? So, we could get to know the two of you a little better and you’d see what kind of people are working next to you.”

Remus felt his expression jump from a frown, to surprise and then to a short moment of contemplation before it settled on a little uncertainty and answered: “You sure? He didn’t seem to like me that much and I don’t want to ruin your night out.”

“What are you talking about! Lo is always a little cold with strangers, he just needs some time to warm up to you! And I would really like it if you’d come,” Patton replied suddenly fumbling with his hands as he added the last part.

Remus let out a resigned breath, which immediately lost its edge as he grinned and told the man in front of him: “If you say so, Patton Candy. Wouldn’t want to disappoint a sugar cube like you.”

Remus was pretty sure that he saw Patton’s fair complexion flush as he winked accompanying sugar cube comment, and felt immediately a little proud of himself.

“Great!” Patton suddenly blurted and headed towards the door. “Then we’ll meet tonight at half past eight at James’s Jazz Palace in the corner? That good with you?”

“Sure, Poppy,” Remus said with a wide grin.

Patton halted in the door frame and grinned just as wide.

“I’m happy you agreed! Until tonight … ?”

Remus startled.

“Remus! Remus Segura Reyes.”

Patton giggled and pushed some of his vibrant cyan hair out of his face.

“Then until tonight, Remus Segura Reyes,” he said and was gone.

Remus was left there standing for a minute and then shook his head to start and clean the place up. He picked up a few more boxes and brought them in the back, finished watering the plants which needed it and eventually started sweeping the place.

“Gotta sweep this fucking place, ‘till it’s spotless,” he hummed with a little melody as he tried to reach a spot under the middle display.

He kept sweeping for some time and as time passed as at once the fairy lights turned on. He looked up and realized that it was time to close the shop and went outside to change the sign and close the front door. As he turned the key in the lock, he suddenly actually realized that he was humming and froze.

His face fell and his hand clenched around the keys in his hand. He didn’t deserve that. This was not supposed to happen. Not now. Not here.

But there he found himself denying those sentences as Patton’s hopeful look lurked into the back of his mind and told him to ignore those feelings for a little longer and just go and have fun tonight. To grant himself a break.

Remus shook his head and finished cleaning up for the night. He had to go through his wardrobe and put together the perfect outfit for tonight. And while he was at it, he could maybe also choose something for Roman, as he did not want his brother to embarrass him in front of this quirky tattoo artist with the cyan dyed hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I'm here with my own first human au! Yay! This is going to take a while so buckle up for a journey which wil have fluff but also a lot of angst.
> 
> Thank you for reading and all the support you give❤️ If you want to hit me up you can do so on my tumblr [mimssides](https://mimssides.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Anyway, please take care and have a wonderful day❤️


	2. Chapter 2

“And you haven’t acted in front of an audience in years?” Celia asked Roman amazed.

Roman shrugged nonchalantly and told her: “No, I haven’t had the time. But apparently, I haven’t lost my edge. I’d hope I’d get to act some scenes with you the next time, so I could impress you a bit more and see how talented you are yourself.”

The middle-aged woman giggled and her friend in the background rolled her eyes, as she waited for her to finally get to her, so they could go home.

“Oh, you rascals, you! You embarrass me!” Celia said and Roman winked at her.

She then finally bid him goodbye and Roman waved her and the others who were leaving. He had promised to stay back and help to clean the place up. With him it was only Rodriguez, the owner of the little room they could rehearse and meet in, Samantha, the group leader, and Jay.

Why exactly Jay had stayed though, Roman was a little confused about. The man, probably around thirty, had a rather heavy limp on his left leg and needed a stick to get around. But then again, Roman would not go and complain about him staying here. He watched them from the side, while making snarky remarks and banter with Samantha, who answered just as snarkily.

Roman almost dropped the chairs he was carrying as he heard Samantha gasp offendedly after Jay said: “No, of course your recital of Tamara’s monologue was so much more _inventive_ than Jane’s! I mean who else would be able to butcher her lines filled with wit with such a graceful off-beat delivery but you? Definitively, not Jane.”

Grasping, Roman set the chairs down as Samantha appalled herself. He clutched his hand in front of his mouth to stop himself to laugh out loud at the exchange and the sass these two displayed. The dryness and dripping sarcasm in Jay’s words really did it for Roman. Also, it probably didn’t help that he found himself drawn towards the expressive face of his. There was happening so much at once; slight movements of his eyebrows, a little tremble from his lips there and then and the quick darting of his eyes.

So, when they had eventually finished to clean everything up, Roman was not unhappy to find himself left alone in the company of Jay, as Rodriguez and Samantha bid them good night.

With a smile Roman eyed Jay from the side. His attire was simple, black shirt, black slacks and black shoes. And a black bowler hat, which had quite some flair. As of now, he sat on the little wall next to the stairs, holding the top of his cane with both hands. He had slender shoulders and love handles, and Roman assumed that he was about half a foot smaller than him. Maybe a little less, but since he hadn’t seen him standing straight it was hard to guess correctly.

“Like what you see there, Mr. Superstar Actor?” Jay suddenly asked with edge in his voice.

Roman’s eyebrows shot up for a second. He had been caught staring, hadn’t he? Quick he caught himself, put on a smirk and replied: “I can’t say I wouldn’t enjoy it. But I suppose I should leave a little of the astonishing view for the others, huh? Can’t be too greedy, can I?”

Jay’s mouth opened a little and he just looked at Roman for a second, before he closed his mouth with a little chuckle and looked to the side.

“You are a terrible flirt, Mr. Roman. Just terrible,” he commented glancing over to him with a grin he didn’t bother to hide.

Roman wiggled his eyebrows and leaned against the wall next to the entrance door. Jay’s eyes followed him and he liked the attention the man gave him. It felt a little like dancing, acting even.

“You would not believe, but people have told me that before,” Roman said grinning and watched Jay turn his attention to his hands.

“No, really? After seeing you talking so _humbly_ with Celia, I would never have guessed,” Jay said with a sarcastic eye roll, as he reviewed his fingernails with great detail.

Roman felt his lip twitch but managed to keep up a smile, before he answered in a more sincere tone: “I figured she was having fun talking to a younger guy like me. So, I played along. I mean that is what we come to do here, right? Act and have some fun. Not be yourself for a few hours.”

A layer disappeared for a moment. Jay’s oak brown eyes drifted away before they landed on Roman again. A lot reflected in that short look of his, too much for Roman to register, before it had evaporated and coolness took its place.

“Not be yourself for a few hours? Who are you then but an actor?” Jay asked and Roman tilted his head from one side to the other.

“I think, I like it better for you to not know that. Otherwise you had to tell me who you are, if you are not here, and I kinda like you better with a flair of mystery draped around you.”

“Me? Mysterious? Why would you think that?” Jay asked with a glint of mischief in his eyes.

Eloquently Roman stepped away from the wall towards Jay, who observed him curiously. Quick Roman joined his hand behind his back and leaned forwards, just slightly overstepping the edge of Jay’s personal space. Stiff Jay looked into Roman’s eyes and for a split fragment of eternity they lost their train of thoughts. They lost the hold on their masks and lost themselves in the other’s eyes.

Then Roman batted his lashes and smiled smugly.

“Because I like to imagine that I entered the part of my story, where a mysterious man in black, with a stylish cane and bowler hat came to show me a new way of life. An adventure I would never have dreamt of,” Roman said and stepped back beginning to walk backwards down the stairs.

Jay laughed and held his hand over his stomach as he did so. It almost sounded a little like a cartoon villain but Roman caught himself thinking that it was simply endearing.

“And what will your story be? A tragedy or a comedy?” Jay asked as Roman stood on the lowest step and leaned his hand against the pillar by the wall.

A shrug. Roman’s smile faded a little. Turned into something more sincere. More vulnerable. But Jay was too far away to see and Roman grinned again as he answered: “That only time will tell. So, stay tuned! I’m looking forward seeing you again in two weeks! So long Jay!”

Theatrical he bowed and walked away towards his car, hearing the man sputter something behind him. It might have been a Goodbye or a swear for simply walking away. Roman grinned and was happy to find out at their next meeting.

* * *

“¡He vuelto!” Roman announced as he entered their apartment over their store and closed the door behind himself.

As usual, there was no immediate response and Roman put his stuff aside before he walked down the hallway. The door to Remus’s room was open and the light was turned on. Relaxed Roman looked inside and found quite the surprise.

Remus sat on his bed, a pile of books sitting in front of him on which he had placed a hand mirror. Next to that strange set up was the little vanity box, which was opened and several brushes and powder puffs were scattered around Remus, who was currently applying a layer of lilac eyeshadow around his eyes.

Roman stared at him with big eyes. He also wore a neon yellow tank top, over it a pine green shirt with funky pink, purple and orange spirals and zigzag patterns on it, which he hadn’t buttoned but tied the bottom part together. And to add to the eccentrics, he also wore the pale blue pair of dungarees, the carriers not put over his shoulders but letting them hanging by his sides.

Finally, something reminded Roman of the fact that he himself was in fact alive and he should probably ask his brother what all of this meant. He shook himself out of the trance, reached for the light switch next to the doorframe and pressed it twice to get Remus’s attention. Remus let his brush sink down and looked over to Roman.

“Oh, you’re back from practice?” Remus asked and looked at him intently.

“Yes!?” Roman said and signed giving him a poising look. “And you’re putting make up on?”

“Obviously. Also, you need to get changed. We’re going out tonight. I’ve put something out for you,” Remus said unimpressed and motioned for him to get into his room and start getting ready.

“We’re what!?” Roman signed looking absolutely thrilled if though confused.

Remus sighed and rolled his eyes. A little too shyly for his brother to not be suspicious he answered: “The guy from the tattoo studio next to us came by and invited us to go to the jazz club down the street. The bookworm is also there and apparently the pet store dude plays in the band there? I don’t know. Something like that.”

Roman marched in with the most shit-eating grin and let himself drop down onto Remus’s bed. Teasingly he wiggled his eyebrows and signed: “This guy from the tattoo studio wouldn’t happen to be astoundingly hot, huh?”

Annoyed Remus shoved Roman to which Roman only giggled and led to Remus shoving him even harder so he actually fell from the bed. But Roman only laughed louder and Remus had to kick him to the shin to stop his laughing.

“Hey!” Roman cried out, which in return made Remus laugh and his brother pout miserably.

“Don’t make that face! You knew that I’d do that if you’re just being a little brat,” Remus defended himself and let his legs dangle from the bed side.

Roman rubbed his shin, pouted a little more but then gave in and signed: “Fine, but is this actually about him? And what’s his name? And what in gods name do you want me to wear?”

Remus circled his shoulders and jumped to his feet. He stretched his hand out to Roman, helped him up and motioned him to follow him, while explaining: “The name’s Patton. Pastel punk. The guy has cyan hair and it looks kinda rad. Also, he blushes very hard and that makes him a fun target to mess with.”

Remus stopped in front of Roman’s door and let him enter first, curiously waiting for his brother’s reaction. Roman walked inside and before he could inquire more about the blush-y, kinda rad guy, he spied the clothes on his bed and clicked his tongue. White t-shirt, his favourite red jacket and black slim fit jeans. While the top part was fine, he was not so sure about the jeans.

He just shot a look back to Remus, who immediately rolled his eyes and gesticulated avidly nagging: “Don’t look at me like this! They fit you very well and they are not too small. Just put them on.”

“But I’ll look fat!”

Remus let his shoulders slump and pinched the bridge of his nose. He wished he didn’t have to have this conversation as often as they did, but here they were.

“Ro, you are fat,” Remus began for the zillionth time as gently as his tense nerves allowed it, “and that is fine. It’s nothing bad. Stop telling yourself that it’s bad. And those jeans will not make you look any bigger than you are. They’ll just compliment your legs and backside and hide the zones you want to hide.”

Roman still looked unsure and Remus sighed and put his hand on Roman’s shoulder. Gave it a squeeze and made sure that he looked into his eyes before he spoke again.

“Do I look like I want you to embarrass me in front of the possibly most attractive pastel punk I’ve ever met?”

A chuckle spurted out of Roman’s mouth. Remus knew now that he would try. That he would be fine.

Yes, Roman would be fine and tonight they would have some fun, with a pastel punk, a bookworm and the jazz playing pet store guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey! Here's chapter two with roceit! yay!
> 
> Short side note, when Roman signs he doesn't sign everything but also lets Remus read his lips to an extent, so he doesn't have to sign everything.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for coming by and reading my stuff! Please leave a kudo, bookmark or/and comment if you liked it. If you want to hit me up you can do so on my tumblr [mimssides](https://mimssides.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Now, please take care and have a wonderful day❤️


	3. Chapter 3

“I swear to god, Patton, if you’re going to flirt with this man for the whole evening, I’m going to change tables,” Logan complained anew and shot Patton a dirty look.

Patton nudged the smaller man in the side and shook his head with a big grin.

“Come on, Lo” he said barely defending himself, “I’m not that bad.”

“You have been talking about this Remus since you saw him outside two days ago! What is it about this man that riles you up so much? The moustache? The absence of any body fat? The terribly orange beanie?”

Patton snickered and watched his friend before taking a deflective sip from his drink. He liked Remus’s moustache and thought that he was generally good looking and also could get behind the fashion statement of terribly orange beanies. But it was not what attracted him to the man. It was something else. Something sad and forgotten, something that usually attracted him in men.

And yet Remus was somehow different. He was odd and bold enough to speak freely without restriction, but then again was so patient and kind with his customers. Even when speaking with him, there was kindness in the core of his words. Something so gentle and hidden by so much loudness and a façade which Patton believed Remus did not want to hold up at all.

But probably Logan was right and Patton was all over his head again. It wouldn’t be a first and he turned to look to his friend, who was checking something on his phone. Logan was quite a bit shorter than him, had short orderly slicked back dark brown hair and wore a black turtleneck pullover and dark navy slacks. This particular outfit was meant for night outs, and Patton was very fond of it. It just was so nice seeing him not wear his tie and even put in contact lenses instead of his glasses. Not that he not liked the rectangular glasses of his friend, he just knew that it was a form for Logan to dress up, make himself feel a little special and Patton appreciated it that he did that every single Friday when they went out together.

Patton loved their Friday night outs. He loved the atmosphere of the little bar, the dark brick walls, the creaking floor, the posters of Jazz legends, he had never bothered to look up. Jazz music played pleasantly in the background through and Patton sat in their usual corner booth with Logan, where he had a general overview of the whole bar. It was always fun to do people watching here and the bartender, James, knew both him and Logan all too well. Patton always made an effort to go and talk with him, when it got late and most patrons had left for the night.

But now Patton looked over to the band at the other side of the room. Janus sat his chair, usual yellow shirt, black waistcoat and the black suit jacket hanging over the back lean of the chair. He was speaking with a few of his band colleagues and looked as suave and charming as ever. He had not been the worst man to have a fling with and Patton did not regret that one night at all.

Then Patton checked the time and glanced over to the door. It was about time for them to show up. Patton was certain they would. No doubt.

But it was almost half past seven and Patton started to feel a little nervous since-

Just then the door opened and two men entered, one with a not so orange beanie, who was clearly looking for him. Patton smiled widely and yanked his hand in the air to catch Remus’s attention. He probably had not needed to do that as Remus had started grinning before he had begun to wave and pulled his companion towards Patton and Logan’s table.

Quickly, Patton nudged Logan in the arm not looking away from the two men. He had seen them both from afar in their work attire but this hit quite differently. Remus wore make-up and a different beanie than this afternoon. And his clothes were so fun and colourful! And he wore pink shoelaces!

Meanwhile, next to him, Logan was about to ask what Patton was so excited about when he spotted the two men from the florist shop. The one in front was Remus, Logan recalled. He looked a little less pale than he remembered and seemed to have cleaned himself up quite a bit. He looked almost presentable; Logan had to admit to himself.

The man behind ought to be Roman. Remus had told Logan so at least at the opening, since the other had been occupied with some middle-aged women, who had come to inspect the new flower shop in town. Next to each other Roman and Remus looked rather similar and Logan’s suspicion that the two were related grew. Yet before he could muse longer the two had reached the table and Patton slid out of the booth to stand up and greet the pair.

“You made it!” Patton exclaimed happily and pulled Remus in a hug.

Logan rolled his eyes, as Roman’s expression changed from a surprised one into a smug one and he crossed his arms casually.

“I said we would, Poppy,” Remus said just as joyously when they parted and stepped to the side to introduce Roman. “Ro, this is Patton. Patton this is Roman, my brother. Think, I didn’t mention that before.”

“Figures that he’d forget that. Hello Patton! It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Roman greeted the tattoo artist with a wave followed by a light bow of his head.

Patton made a funny face but then grinned and said: “Pleasure is all mine, Roman! You’ve met Logan here before?”

Roman and Remus turned their attention to the small man behind the table, who simply nodded at the two. Roman smiled cordially and Remus smirked with mischief glittering in his eyes.

“That’s the guy, who’s glared this terrible woman down who was complaining about the little pride flag we have on the counter! Never saw someone turn around and walk away so ridiculously like her in my whole life!”

Remus grinned and Logan just stared at him in slight disbelief. How could this man believe that this was an acceptable way to start a conversation?

“Oh, now I get behind why you said Lo has rage in his eyes! If that was the first thing he did when you two first met, he’ll definitely made an intimidating first impression!” Patton said oddly cheerful.

And as both men in their colourful attires stared at each other, Logan exchanged a look with Roman who seemed to be just as frustrated as him. Then Roman gave him an apologizing shrug and put his hand on his brother’s shoulder.

“You know, you could just have said that he had come to the opening instead of mentioning - _this_ woman first thing when we get to know new people. Anyway, I’m sorry for his behaviour, Logan. He has little filter in his best day and less than none at his worst,” Roman tried to smooth the tides with the bookstore owner.

Logan raised his eyebrows and looked form Roman over to Patton, who did not seem to understand what the whole fuzz was about but looked concerned ever the less. Certainly, he had sensed Logan’s unpleasantness by now which was probably the source of his concern. 

But then again, Logan had been insulted far worse in his life than by this misplaced comment from a strange man in an eye staining outfit. He did not need to concern Patton just because of one jab that did not really sting and ruin their Friday jazz night with it.

“It is quite alright, Roman. I’ve been insulted worse before,” Logan said and put his glass up to his lips to take a drink.

“Lo-” Patton started but was promptly cut off as Remus took the word.

“Insulted? That wasn’t by any means an insult! That was rad! I would have loved to listen what angry words flew through that big brains of yours as you glared her down, but am kinda grateful that you held back and didn’t make a scene at our opening day. Would have been bad for business, I guess.”

Taking a sip had not been the smartest move, as the liquid now was stuck in Logan’s throat. Only with great control he managed to swallow it and then cleared his throat, immensely grateful for his darker complexion, so the strange florist could not see his flush.

“Well in that case,” Logan uttered in the hope to play his awkward pause down, “excuse the misinterpretation. Yet I do not see how my actions were in any way remarkable or “rad” as you put it.”

Remus shot him a lopsided grin and then looked over to Patton who shrugged in response. The tattoo artist then started sliding back into the booth and motioned Remus and Roman to sit with them. Remus was quick behind Patton, as Roman took the seat to the edge of the table next to Remus and gave the place a look through.

“Well, to me the whole thing was totally rad! You’re an interesting guy and the pastel cutie, here -” Remus patted Patton on the shoulder – “only kept mentioning you, so I’m even more curious!”

Logan’s demeanour shifted and with something that could have been interpreted as amusement and raised his eyebrows and looked to Patton as he rested his chin on his hand.

“Well, I can’t miss a chance to show off my best friend, can I?” Patton said a little sheepishly.

Logan rolled his eyes as Remus quirked up his eyebrow. That stoic façade of the bookshop owner broke down quickly. There must be some history in between the two of them, Remus suspected but did not get to muse longer about his whim, when Roman nudged him in the arm and let out a gasp.

Both Patton and Logan looked curiously over to Roman who now turned to Remus. Quick he pointed over to the jazz ensemble at the other end of the room and asked: “Which one of them we’re here to see?”

“Guy on the chair with the saxophone, if my eyes don’t betray me,” Remus answered and shot a quick look over his shoulder to Patton to confirm that he was indeed right.

“Yes,” Patton said and set his arms on the table, “that’s Janus right there.”

As the name fell Roman’s eyes lit up and he looked back to the man on the chair for a moment.

“Janus, you say? Funny.”

“Yeah! J-anus is a really funny name!” Remus cackled and promptly earned a heavy shove into the side by his brother.

Offended Roman glared at Remus, who rubbed his arm, blinked a few times before it dawned on him and he let out a groan.

“I did not mean that!” Roman hissed and pressed his lips together as Remus nodded with an annoyed expression.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it now. But since when are you falling for guys you’ve seen from like a 50 feet distance? You’re usually a lot pickier.”

“I’m not picky! I have taste,” Roman said smugly and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Also, I’ve already seen him today. However, I didn’t think we’d meet so soon again.”

Roman’s voice trailed off as he turned back to look at the man with the saxophone. He did not look over to their table but was intertwined in a conversation with the bassist and the banjo player, talking smoothly and readjusting the hat on his head. Patton had seen him like this many times. This was the most relaxed but also the most enthusiastic they usually got to see Janus and he could see very well, why Roman was so fascinated with the man. Patton himself had been charmed by his flair and charms as well but somehow, he doubted that Roman really understood what kind of man Janus was. What was kind of character he had beyond the persona, which he played so well.

“Oh, apparently today we’re honoured by the Virgil’s presence,” Logan ripped Patton out of his thoughts and he looked over to the bar’s entrance.

The brother’s turned to see about whom they were talking and spotted a thin, tall man entering the bar. He had an undercut and the black hair on top of his head was braided in small braids, in which some purple beads were woven in. He wore a black hoodie with purple sleeves and black leggings with a spider net pattern on it, as well as a pair of black sneakers. He seemed nervous, looked around and froze for a moment when he noticed the twins sitting next to Patton and Logan.

Patton knew instantly that he was thinking about just turning around and leaving again, but as he started waving, the tall man sighed and continued walking towards them. As he came closer Patton smiled happily and greeted him warmly: “Virgil! It’s so nice of you to join us tonight!”

Virgil rolled his eyes and only barely managed to make fleeting eye contact with the brothers, as he took the chair next to Logan and then focused back on Patton. Roman and Remus assumed that he was a bit younger than the two other men and they themselves. Probably something around twenty.

“Yeah, yeah, Pops, hello to you too. Promised uncle J to come by tonight. Thought, I could not always turn him down,” Virgil replied and fumbled on the wood at the edge of the table.

“That is very nice of you! Do you think you have two more greetings for our guests in you?”

Had anybody but Patton asked this question, they would have come off as sarcastic and belittling. But the tone the tattoo artist used made it crystal clear that he was genuinely asking for Virgil to greet Roman and Remus properly.

Virgil sat up a bit and squinted over to the brothers. He scrunched his nose a little to which Roman leaned back while demonstratively crossing his arms in front of his chest, as Remus tilted his head curiously.

“Sup’? I’m Virgil. Good to see ya and stuff,” Virgil mumbled and looked down on his fingers.

Promptly Remus started to chuckle and scratched his nose. This man was a mess. And Remus loved to mess with messes.

“Hello, beanpole! I’m Remus and this is my brother Roman and you look as excited to be here as a fish slowly drying out in the desert. So, how does it come that you got your ass out of your hole and sit here with four old geezers like us, huh?”

“We’re not old!” Roman protested offendedly as Logan supressed a snort and Patton just pressed his lips together.

“To this one? We’re probably **ancient** ,” Remus slurred and shot a look to Virgil.

Virgil frowned and said as he shook his head: “How old do you think I am? Twelve? None of you are old, evil Luigi.”

Remus laughed at the comment and slammed his fist on the table while doing so. Virgil shot a look over to Patton and Logan who both did not know what exactly was so funny to the florist. Meanwhile Roman simply buried his head in his hands. He loved his brother but there were days when he just wanted to end him on the spot.

Yet before anyone could say or do anything else, the playlist from the loudspeakers stopped and was replaced by the jazz ensemble on the other side.

And Roman forgot to be annoyed at his brother and just glanced over to the little ensemble, which started playing. Jazz was not what he usually listened to. He was not sure what instruments belonged into a jazz ensemble and on the top of his head he couldn’t recall any jazz musician except for Louis Armstrong. But that could not bother him any less at the moment. Not when he felt himself drift away and get looped into a rhythm that felt a little otherworldly to him.

Remus noticed quickly and grew quieter. It has been a long time, since they had been at a live music event and he did not want to ruin that for his brother. Logan too seemed rather captured by the music and Remus kept his voice down as he started to converse with Patton for a bit. A few minutes in Virgil said he’d get a few drinks and asked Remus if he wanted something as well, who then asked for a beer and any sweet mocktail they served. Virgil nodded and got their drinks, as the music played and time passed.

Waiting for their drinks Virgil leaned against the bar and watched his uncle play, before he glanced over to their table. When was the last time he had seen someone stare so smitten at his uncle? And why did this particular guy have to have the weirdest man for a brother? What was it with Janus and his ability to draw chaos into their lives with his stupid flings?

Virgil’s beer came and he took a sip and sighed. Maybe he’d find out tonight, he thought, and took the two other glasses and went back to their table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey! Thank you all for reading and sticking around😌❤️
> 
> I know it's a bit of a slow start, but I don't want to just throw all the angst at you at once with no warning. The next bit should be more dialouge, aka flirting and getting to know each other.
> 
> If you want to hit me up on my tumblr [mimssides](https://mimssides.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Anyway, take care and have a wonderful day❤️


	4. Chapter 4

A few people started clapping as the little band played their last note, Roman being one of them. Not for a second he had looked away from the musicians and now felt his neck being a little stiff from looking into the same direction for such a long time. With a huff he tilted his head and heard it crack, causing Remus to cackle at him.

“Mock me all you want! This was fantastic,” Roman pouted and blinked confused as he saw the mocktail in front of him.

“Curtesy of the emo nerd over there,” Remus said and pointed over to Virgil who just nodded.

Reflexively, Roman smiled at the younger man and tipped his imaginary hat as he took a sip of his drink.

“Why thank you! I’ll make sure to pay our drinks back at the end of the evening.”

“Sure thing, flower boy,” Virgil replied and fumbled with the beer glass in his hand.

Roman grinned and the asked curiously: “Am I right to assume that you work in Zookeeper, since Janus is your uncle?”

“Uhm, yeah,” Virgil said sheepishly and looked to the side, “actually I’m kinda the owner? Uncle J’s helping me with it but the shop officially belongs to me.”

Roman raised his eyebrows in surprise but quickly played it off with a polite smile and kicked Remus in the shin, as he sensed him being on the edge to be saying something stupid. To his luck that was enough to keep Remus from talking and he got to continue his little interrogation of his crush’s nephew.

“That’s admirable of you, Virgil. I know how hard it is to start a business at young age. I would never have dreamt of doing it without Rem here,” Roman explained and casually set his elbows down on the table. “How did you come up with the idea, if I may ask? It’s not only a pet shop but also a rescue, if I recall correctly?”

Virgil looked up from his glass and Patton and Logan exchanged a look. Roman was a surprisingly smooth talker unlike his brother. Getting Virgil to not look positively freaked out while talking to strangers was quite a feat.

“Yeah,” Virgil said keeping his eyes steady and smiling a little at Roman, “we also take in hurt and lost animals. If possible, we get them back to their owners or search for new homes. If that’s not possible, I have some contacts with some people who own a ranch where I can bring the ones we cannot keep or find a home for. I had the idea, when I volunteered in an animal shelter for a year after high school. The family then helped me get everything sorted out and we ended up here. Yeah, and that’s that.”

“Woohoo! We’re not the only ones here without a degree!” Remus cheered and Roman rolled his eyes.

“Excuse him. He has no concept of decency and tact.”

“No, I haven’t!” Remus said happily and lifted his glass to toast himself.

Virgil actually snickered at Remus’s ridiculously proud face and shook his head, as Logan just fascinatedly stared at Remus and Patton chuckled a little. Roman’s attempt of looking annoyed was fruitless and he just pinched the bridge of his nose to at least hide part of his smile. Just then he heard steps accompanied by the sound of a stick clacking on the floor.

Even before Roman could look to his side, his suspicion was confirmed by Patton saying cheerfully: “It was a great session again Jan! You never disappoint!”

Roman turned and saw “Jay” standing next to him by the table supporting himself on his cane and meeting his gaze gracefully with a smile. He had thrown his black suit jacket over his right shoulder and Roman could not but admire the whole attire.

Janus then said to Patton without looking away from Roman: “I see you took the freedom to invite a few people to our jazz night, hm?”

As he ended, he glanced over to Patton, who grinned and scratched the back of his head.

“Yeah, I know. I know it’s your birthday and we usually keep these little parties to ourselves but I just wanted them to feel welcome and-”

“Don’t bother,” Janus cut Patton of as he looked back down at Roman with an almost fond grin, “I’m not complaining about this one.”

“Oh my god,” Virgil moaned as Roman stood up with a smirk.

Graciously, Roman circled around Janus, who followed his movements closely, and pulled out the unoccupied chair next to the man. As he did so Roman asked: “Your birthday? You did not mention a word! Nor that you’ve been to our store opening. I would have improvised a gift had I known I’d see you again so soon.”

With a smile Janus took the seat, not so accidently brushing against Roman’s shoulder as he did so, and said smugly: “Your 31st birthday isn’t exactly what you’d bring up in conversation, I figured. Also, I sadly only made an acquaintance with your brother that day and merely got a look of you in your work clothes. Like this-” he tapped Roman on the chest – “you look much different, I have to admit.”

“A good different I hope?”

Roman sat back down and put his chin onto his left hand batting his eyes at Janus.

“Oh, I’m quite pleased with what I see here.”

“Oh. My. GOD. Uncle J I’m leaving if you continue like this!” Virgil growled.

Janus winked at Roman before he turned to his nephew and ruffled his hair. Virgil made a displeased noise but Janus only chuckled and pulled his hand back.

“Come on kid. It’s my birthday! Don’t you want your dear old uncle to by happy?” Janus asked sarcastically with a grin.

Virgil rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“You’re not even eight years older than me, so stop acting as if you were so high and mighty,” Virgil said while ducking away from Janus’s hand, who had tried to ruffle his hair anew.

Janus chuckled and left Virgil be. He liked to annoy his boy a little but he was not about to overdo it right now. It was just nice enough seeing him outside the store once in a while sitting with people that weren’t him or other people from the family.

“How exactly did that age gap happen? Do you have a much older sibling or how did that come to be?” Remus asked for the first time addressing Janus this evening.

Janus turned and looked over to the man. He had not seen or heard too much of him but something about the tone rubbed him the wrong way and he noticed Logan giving Remus a funny look after he had spoken. Apparently, the behaviour he just displayed contradicted with how Logan had seen him act like the rest of the evening. This could prove to become quite interesting.

“Actually,” Janus said and folded his hands calmly on the table, “I have nine older siblings. I’m the youngest of ten and Virgy here is my eldest sister’s son. That’s how I became uncle at the tender age of seven a half or so. Not that that is any of your business.”

Remus eyed him for a moment before he huffed and took a drink from his beer. Janus waited for more to come and as nothing did, he raised his eyebrows and clacked his tongue to what Remus again looked at him.

“Nothing else you want to know? Maybe my life story with some little re-enactments? Because I do so _love_ being interrogated by strangers on my birthday.”

To Janus’s surprise Remus snorted at the comment and replied: “Don’t worry, champ, I don’t care shit ‘bout you. Just want to make sure my brother isn’t barking at a tree which’s rotten from the inside. ‘Cause we don’t need that drama. But if you want, I can get you a drink as a birthday present, drama queen.”

Before Janus could say a thing, Remus had stood up on the bench and jumped over his brother’s lap to get over to the bar and order him a drink. Roman just sighed and massaged his temple while Janus turned to look after Remus with an appalled frown.

For a moment they all went silent until Logan cleared his throat and they looked over to him. Logan locked eyes with Janus and then pulled something out from under the table. He sat a purse next to his glass and pulled out a gift wrapped in black decorated with a yellow bow.

“As birthday presents were mentioned; here you go-” Logan said and pushed the gift over the table towards Janus – “I hope you find it adequate.”

A little surprised, but not so much since Logan had made it a habit to gift them all something at their birthdays, Janus took the package and held it in his hands for a moment before he thanked Logan. It was obviously a book the man had given him, his usual go to, but he had proven to have an excellent sense of what the other would find interesting, so Janus was sure this one would be no exception.

“Thank you, Logan! I’m sure you’ve chosen something very fitting for me,” Janus thanked him and set the book aside not wanting to open it here.

Logan told him that it was quite alright and a bit of the tension from before had eased away. And just then Remus returned and set a wine glass with white wine in front of Janus. A bit surprised by the sudden appearance of Remus to his side Janus flinched and then looked up to him. Remus smiled widely and sat back down, as Roman stood up to let him get back to his place in the booth.

Curiously, Janus looked down to the glass in front of him and was about say something, when Remus cut him off and said: “I asked for your beverage of choice. Thought, they might know what you like, since you seem to play here every Friday.”

Janus eyed Remus in confusion. What exactly was this man’s game? Was this a trick? Did he want to manipulate him? Why would he be nice after comparing him to a rotten tree?

“Don’t break your pretty little head over it, JJ,” Remus said amused and quirked his eyebrow up, “I’m not one to hold grudges and I tend to do what I say, exactly as I say it. This is not a trick, not a game I play, this is just me getting you a drink and congratulating you on your birthday with it, not me planning your demise.”

Offended Janus glared at him, which caused Virgil to laugh and Patton to supress a giggle. Aghast Janus turned to look at his nephew, who slapped him on the shoulder and leaned a little forward towards Remus direction.

“I changed my mind; I like you! You’re so socially inept that it’s almost charming again!” Virgil laughed and earned another offended gasp from his uncle for that statement.

“Happy to please, Emo Nightmare! By the way, I like the eyeshadow! You need to tell me where you buy that stuff. I haven’t gotten to look around for some good make-up in the aera since we moved here in May.”

For once, Virgil was happy to talk and Remus and he spent a good while gossiping about make-up with Patton at one point joining the conversation when they brushed the topic of hair dye. Logan meanwhile, mostly just listened to the three not minding the talk about trivial things like make-up so much as he would have on other days.

Janus took a sip from his wine and watched how Roman took his phone and typed something into it.

“Our company not interesting enough to keep you from the internet?” he asked coolly.

Roman looked up and shook his head saying: “No, no! I just wrote down your birthday in my calendar. So, I won’t miss it next year and can give you a proper gift.”

The smile and warmth which accompanied Roman’s words took Janus by surprise. He had met a lot of men over the years and he had been smitten by quite a few but none of them had ever said something so ridiculously optimistic like what Roman just said. It was the first day they knew each other and Roman already talked about getting him a present for his birthday next year. And it actually seemed to be a genuine offer.

“You are a strange man, Roman. Nothing like I’ve seen before.”

Roman let out a quick laugh and shook his head.

“I’m certain you’ve met men like me before. I’m not a kind of guy who’s hard to find. You probably just never cared enough to properly look into them. You could have found something quite beautiful. I’ll have to make an effort so you won’t miss out on me.”

For a second, the noise around Janus tuned out. For a second, he only saw Roman sitting there in front of him. There was weight and depth in his words but a lightness in his eyes he had not seen in many people their age in years.

And then Janus found himself laughing quietly and setting his elbow on the table and said with a grin: “I’ll have to keep looking into you, so I won’t miss out then.”

Both chuckled a little and the night kept going on for a little longer, being one of the most rememberable birthdays Janus ever had until that point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flirting! And tension!
> 
> Hope you liked it and I'm happy to hear what you thought!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and please, take care and have a wonderful day❤️😉


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning: Suicidal thinking from Remus!**

It was a hot Wednesday and Remus was stacking a few big plant pots in front of their store and then checked the time on his phone. It was already a little after twelve and they ought to take their much-needed lunchbreak.

With a groan he straightened up and pressed his hands on the small of his back and stretched. It cracked a little and Remus remained in the position for a second. He looked up. He didn’t really see anything, just stared into the nothing.

He’ll be fine. He’s fallen for the jazz boy. It’s fine.  
It’s fine.  
He will be fine.  
He has enough to support himself.  
He will be fine.  
And you’ll be free.

Then Remus heard his name being called out. Franticly, he turned around. Directions were hard to pinpoint and it didn’t help that he somehow knew the voice but was not too familiar with quite yet.

“Up here!” the voice shouted and Remus lifted his gaze and found the face which belonged to the voice.

Widely he smiled at Patton, who was waving through the window from the second floor in the house next to theirs. He waved back and shouted up a Hi, waiting for Patton to continue.

“Wait a second! I’ll come down!” Patton said and Remus stemmed his hands in his hips waiting for the man to join him outside.

He did not have to wait a minute until Patton came out and walked towards him. As of now he wore a white tank top and blue shorts with little rubber ducks on it and Remus got a look of the tattoos on his upper arms and calves. It was not a first, in the past week and a half he had seen Patton several times in shorter clothes as he walked into their store to talk with him and such, but Remus enjoyed the view nevertheless. The colours and motives were so interesting to him and had inspired some ideas in his head.

“Hi!” Patton beamed anew.

Remus grinned and repeated his own Hi again, while Patton stepped closer and then halted barely two feet from him and folded his hands in front of his chest. A grin tugged at corner of Remus’s lips and he put his hands inside of his pants’ pockets.

“Eh, I just wanted to ask if you and Roman maybe wanted to eat lunch with me and Lo? We usually eat together when I don’t have a client over noon and well, I thought the more the merrier?” Patton asked and looked expectantly at Remus.

Remus blinked a little taken aback. Having lunch with Patton and Logan? Something they apparently did every day, was part of their day to day life and they wanted him and Roman to take part of this? Remus had already been surprised when Patton had invited him again for the jazz night last Friday and now this?

It is too good to be true.

“I’d love to! I’ll just ask Ro if it’s fine with him. Let me go and ask him right now!” Remus said and already turned towards the entrance of their store.

He did not notice that Patton followed him and he was quick to call for Roman in Spanish: “ _We’re invited for lunch with Patton and Logan? You good with that?_ ”

“ _Yeah sure! Do you think they might want eat from the fajitas I prepared? Oh and-_ ” Roman shouted, while walking out from the back and stopped as he saw Patton behind his brother.

Almost unnoticeably Roman motioned with his chin behind Remus and then addressed Patton with a smile: “Hi! I heard we’re invited for lunch? All bring their own food? Or should we bring something for everybody?”

Patton blinked a little surprised and lifted his hands.

“Uh, we usually bring our own stuff or more like I get something from the bakery down the street and Lo eats a sandwich but I doubt he’d be upset if you’d bring something for us?”

The upset and offended look Roman gave Patton when he said that Logan ate a _sandwich_ for lunch almost scared the tattoo artist and he felt like he was supposed to apologize for letting Logan eat like this. And he felt a little bit as if he was in danger as well, since he also just went to the bakery or to a general store to get a little snack for lunch, which was apparently something Roman didn’t find acceptable.

“Please tell me you eat fajitas,” Roman said merely supressing the offence in his voice and Remus next to him rolled his eyes in annoyance.

Patton’s eyes darted nervously from one brother to the other until they landed on Roman and he answered: “I like them? As far as I know Logan does too; he just doesn’t eat them too ho-”

“Oh, hotness is no problem. I always make different sauces because Remus doesn’t like hot as well,” Roman cut him off with a pleased look and cracked is fingers. “So, I can get both of you an actual lunch instead of a meagre sandwich and whatever you’d normally get from the bakery. Ah, and do you think Jay and Virgil could join as well? Or did you ask them already?”

A laugh escaped Patton’s mouth and he looked over to Remus who just shook his head. So, there was a little bit of quirkiness in the otherwise so charming Roman after all. It made Patton like him a lot more and he turned his attention back to Roman.

“The more the merrier! I’ll ask them right away! If you want you can already go over to Logan’s. He’s in the backroom of his shop. You’ll find it with no problem!”

* * *

Five minutes later the six men sat around a round table in the backroom of Logan’s shop. The room had two big windows in the corner, which faced into the backyard. They had them closed as the air conditioning created a far more pleasant temperature than airing could. Besides the table there was a little counter with a microwave on it and a sink in the otherwise empty room. 

Still it was a nice atmosphere, as Roman had laid out eight different bowls with condiments and fillings in them, so all could choose what they wanted to put on their tortilla. The smell filled the room and Roman’s explanation which was what and how hot everything was, made it all even homelier than it had been before.

Unabashedly, Remus started putting his first fajita together Patton then following his lead. Virgil carefully started to put his own together, asking Roman at every ingredient he wanted if it was the vegetarian option, which Roman confirmed every time.

Janus, Logan and Roman took a little more time to put their meal together, as Janus just liked to take his time, Logan was a little picky and Roman just wanted to enjoy the process of composing his own meal and the being together with his little group. It was something that was dear to him and his grin and glee managed to convey that quite well to the other men.

“¡Buen provecho!” the twins said and toasted each other with their fajitas.

Virgil repeated the phrase in a mumble, Patton said it loudly and with the wrong pronunciation but it was the thought that counted. At least it made Remus grin and Patton was entirely happy with that outcome.

“Thank you for the meal,” Logan said directed to Roman, as Janus just nodded and took a bite from his own fajita.

Roman smiled widely and responded after swallowing the bite he had taken: “No problem at all! I’m just happy giving something proper to eat.”

“A sandwich is a perfectly proper meal, thank you very much,” Logan argued and eyed the food in his hands with interest. “But I have to admit that this does look better than what I usually have.”

“I’d hope so! Now stop talking and eat! It won’t get any better the longer you wait.”

Logan nodded at Roman’s instructions and finally started eating. And for a few moments the room was a quiet except for the sound of chewing.

That was until Patton chirped up and said excitedly: “This is delicious Roman! You said you made all the condiments and fillings yourself?”

“Thank you! Yeah, I make them myself. It’s not that hard really. Just takes a bit of time. I usually prepare everything in the evening when I make dinner,” Roman said in a humble manner and not with the pride one could have expected from the otherwise rather boisterous man.

“What are you talking about? This still, like, takes a lot of work to do, right? And did you make the tortillas yourself? They are a lot better than the ones we get from the store,” Virgil chimed in and tapped the tortilla of his fajita.

Roman shrugged and cast his eyes down to his hands, unsure of how to respond.

Remus on the other hand knew exactly how to respond: “Yah, he makes the dough himself. We have premade tortilla dough in the freezer. He’s really good at cooking in general. At least better than I.”

“So, you have an interest in cooking, Roman? And I have to agree with Patton; it tastes very good,” Logan agreed and eyed Roman patiently until the man looked up again.

“Well, what can I say? At one point Chinese takeout just didn’t do it for me anymore, and I learnt making some stuff myself. It’s fun. And tastes better than the stuff you buy.”

Roman barely had met Logan’s eyes and was now looking down into his lap. Eyeing his tummy and trying to not focus on the words in the back of his mind. He knew that they must see the heavy thoughts in his posture and the uncertainty in the air around him. But he could not help it; talking about food, about cooking, it made him somehow always feel guilty about his weight, especially when Remus sat so close by. Proving in a way that he could look much differently if he-

“It’s certainly healthier to cook for yourself instead of ordering all the time. Also, if I understand correctly you are self-taught? Learning such a skill all by yourself is impressive, Roman. I at the very least am impressed.”

Roman looked up and glanced over to Janus who fixed him with a calm look. A little laugh escaped Roman’s lips and he tilted his head to the side, before he thanked Janus and let their lunch continue peacefully.

Logan began to ask Roman what kind of cuisine he preferred to cook from and Roman started explaining that he had taught himself a lot of Mexican, Tex-Mex and Italian dishes because he liked those in particular. And also, because he wanted to rekindle with his Mexican heritage, which he did not elaborate on much further and left it to the other men’s imagination what that could mean.

All in all, it was a rather comfortable meal and Patton was more than happy that he had gone and asked Patton to join them for their lunchbreak.

They put the empty plates and bowls in the sink and Roman asked Logan where the bathroom was and then excused himself for a moment. Remus, who stood at the sink, ready to wash the dishes, looked after him and turned to look at Janus the second Roman was out of sight and earshot.

“Jazz boy?” Remus said with an oddly creepy grin.

Janus quirked his eyebrow up and Remus continued: “If you dare to hurt him, I’ll break your fucking neck. He deserves everything in the world and if you make him unhappy, I will make you regret it. That’s a promise.”

And just like that Remus turned back to the sink, turned the faucet on and started doing the dishes, as if he hadn’t said anything at all. All stared at him and Remus was well aware they did. And yet he didn’t care.

“Do I want to know what your fucking problem is with me?”

Remus halted in his movements and looked back over his shoulder to Janus. Janus who looked oh so offended, oh so pissed off. Remus almost got a little kick out of it, but he knew this was not the time to anger the man more. He just needed him to understand one thing.

“I have no problem with you whatsoever,” Remus replied simply and pulled his beanie further down over his forehead.

Janus let out a huff and wanted to sneer a comment but Remus didn’t let him. With a grin that really did not look like one he said: “I don’t want a problem with you. I don’t care for you and I’ve told you that before. But I do care about Roman. And he’s very, very serious about you. It’s been ages since I’ve seen him so goddamn happy and I can not have you destroy that for him. He deserves love and a goddamn home of his dreams. And I need you to know that, to respect that and to run the fuck away if you just dare to disagree with any of the things I said. Because I cannot see him hurt more than he already is. Am I understood?”

Janus just stared at Remus. He wanted to argue. Probably not about Roman, but how Remus was interfering with their relationship. How he clearly overstepped a line in meddling with his brother’s life and how he could not say such inappropriate things towards Janus, who he barely knew. But Janus didn’t start to argue but shook his head and remained quiet.

Not a man of confrontation.

Probably would help Roman in the future, to have someone like that by his side.

Again, Remus turned to the faucet and started doing the dishes. The door was opened and Roman came back in looking around and immediately sensing the uncomfortable atmosphere. For a second, he seemed confused then he glanced over to Remus and sighed.

“What did he threaten you with?” Roman asked and stemmed his hands in his hips.

Janus scoffed and watched his fingernails with great interest.

“Oh nothing. Don’t bother.”

Roman rolled his eyes and walked over to Remus, took a towel and started dry the dishes, Remus had already washed and asked his brother: “What have you threatened him with?”

“I’ll break his neck!”

“Pff, good one. And you’re not going to do that. I’m sorry Janus. He’s getting ahead of himself.”

As Janus made an unvoluntary offended squeaking sound, Logan frowned and said: “Is this something that happens so regularly with the two of you or why exactly are you so unfazed by your brother threatening to murder people?”

“No, it doesn’t,” Roman answered and looked over him, while setting the plate in his hands down. “But I know he gets overprotective when I’m genuinely interested in a guy. He has yet to actually follow through with any of those threats he made, so don’t worry about it.”

“Genuinely interested?” Virgil repeated with big eyes and looked over to his uncle, who, for once, did not appear to be quite as cool and collected as he usually was.

Roman just chuckled a little and lightly brushed against Remus and just continued doing the dishes. Patton exchanged a look with Logan. The bookshop owner raised his eyebrows and Patton giggled a little before he walked over to the twins and helped them doing the dishes.

Remus began asking Patton about what kind of tattoos he did and which kind of clients he had, which was a huge jump from their prior topic, but Patton was happy to answer and talked a bit about his clientele with sometimes Logan adding a few observations he made over the years of Patton’s clients mistakenly walking into his shop. The conversation remained friendly and Virgil bid his goodbye soon, so he could get back to the store and check on the pets. Patton was next to go, as he had to prepare his studio for the next client and whished the twins, Logan and Janus a good afternoon.

As Logan was talking with Remus about a new crime series that had been delivered to his store, Janus started to leave and was promptly accompanied by Roman. He side eyed him curiously as he stepped out of the bookstore. His smile was unfaded and it was too easy forget how unhappy and ashamed he had looked down at himself during lunch.

Janus didn’t forget.

“I’m really sorry about Remus,” Roman pulled him out of his thoughts and Janus put a smile on his face.

“Oh, it’s fine. He totally did _not_ overstep any personal boundaries at all,” he said and stopped putting both hands on his cane in front of him.

Roman scratched the back of his neck and shrugged apologetically.

“I know, I know. He’s a lot. But he means well. And I think he and you could actually be pretty good friends.”

“Yeah _sure_.”

Roman sighed with a smile and shoved Janus softly in the shoulder. He did not miss the little grin that stole itself on Janus’s lips and just looked at him for a moment. He was just so beautifully charming.

Then Roman broke out of his trance and said: “Don’t be like this. I’ll have something to make it up to you! Wait a second!”

Like that he turned around and jogged towards their store and disappeared inside for a minute. Slightly surprised but also intrigued Janus watched him re-exiting holding something behind his back and tilted his head sceptically. Roman grinned brightly and brought forth a bright bouquet from behind his back. Next to some decorative fern and grass it mainly contained little sunflowers and violets and Janus felt his jaw drop.

He had never been gifted flowers before.

Overwhelmed Janus looked from the bouquet to Roman, who’s smile was more than complacent, and quickly cleared his throat and then tenderly took the bouquet Roman had gifted him.

“I guess you accept my offering for amends?” Roman asked far too softly for Janus to handle.

Janus made an effort to straighten his back met Roman’s eyes steadily before saying a bit too quickly: “I’ll consider it.”

Both knew that was a yes.

“Thank you for the meal, Roman. It was very good.”

“It’s fine. Eating with you all was very nice. We’ll have to do that again.”

“I agree…”

They looked at each other for a bit longer. Noon was not endless and they could only stand here for so long.

“I’ll have to get back to Virgil. Can’t have him deal with the customers on his own,” Janus said not making a move.

“Yeah, we can’t have that, can we?”

“No, we really can’t…”

Roman clasped his hand behind his back and turned a little towards to the flower shop.

“So, I guess, I’ll see you soon?” he said as if he thought Janus would never show up again.

Janus nodded, forgetting to add words for a moment and then said: “Yes, you’ll see me soon. We live almost at the same street after all.”

“Cool. Then, uhm, so long?”

Janus grinned and finally turned to walk away.

“Yes, so long Roman. Take care,” Janus said throwing Roman a lingering look and walked over to the pet store.

Meanwhile, Remus and Logan had stood behind the shop window and observed the two lovebirds with blank faces. Logan had met a few of Janus’s acquaintances but as far as he remembered none of them had ever rendered the man so obviously flustered like Roman did. And for the latter it also seemed like he was presenting a side of himself which did not seem to be something he liked to show off on a regular basis.

At least that was what Logan assumed judging by Remus’s look and the things he had said at lunch.

But in Remus head was only one thought. It made his heart a little heavy but not as much as it made him feel relieved.

He won’t be alone.  
They’re not going to leave him alone.  
I can go.  
Finally go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😬😬😬
> 
> It's going to get a bit worse from here on out. You readers are warned but be aware that the other characters do not suspect what kind of storm is coming for them^^
> 
> The next chapter will probably still be pretty chill and the one after will be ... Well, you'll see. I'll put a warning in front of it.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for your support and please take care and have a wonderful day💚


	6. Chapter 6

Most days Janus didn’t care too much about working at the pet store of his nephew. He did not mind the mothers and children who came in and asked questions about rats, hamsters or guineapigs. He did not mind taking care of snakes and feeding them mice.

But sitting in the store on a Sunday, well that was something Janus did not enjoy at all. This stupid rescue thing was all nice and well in theory but the on-call service Virgil wanted to provide every fucking weekend was the bane of his existence.

“I don’t have you come with me every time! So, stop sulking and bring me the broom,” Virgil instructed him.

Janus rolled his eyes and got up to get him the broom he requested. With a badly hidden pout Janus watched Virgil sweep the empty cage. They did not have puppies and kittens here all the time, as they only accepted them from a few select breeders and so the space was often unoccupied. Still, Virgil insisted on keeping it clean in case that they had to take in a cat or dog for a short while, which had been brought to them. Only until they had found the actual owner or found a better place for it to stay.

Janus respected Virgil’s work attitude and philosophy greatly. It was incredible that he had found such a strong and positive outlet of all his nervous energy, considering how long he had been struggling with his anxiety. But then again, Virgil could not do much that would actually disappoint Janus. He was his godfather after all.

As Janus’s thoughts wandered off, he almost missed the ringing of the doorbell. Quick he straightened up and limped over to the door. It wasn’t open as it was a Sunday, but they had put a label next to the doorbell, where it said they could ring for emergencies.

And as Janus opened the door, he quickly realized that this probably was a small emergency. A teenage boy with a wicker basket stood in front of him. Out of the basket there was the sound of loud, a little aggressive meowing and Janus clacked his tongue.

“Virgil? We’ve got a cat!” he called for him and then looked back to the boy. “Hey, sorry, what is your name and how did you come to bring us this cat?”

The boy’s name was Lewis and the cat had walked into the backyard of their apartment complex. He had initially wanted to keep it but after a discussion with his mother decided to bring it here, he explained to Janus, as they walked towards the little room off the side, where Virgil had his makeshift check-up station. The lanky man had set the basket on the table and asked for Janus to close the door, so the cat could not run out of the room.

Lewis curiously looked how Virgil then opened the basket and let the cat jump out of it. Quick Virgil had gripped it by the back of its neck and made a few shushing sounds, before the cat miraculously calmed down and he checked it for any injuries whatsoever. Fascinated Lewis watched the gentle but swift motions of Virgil’s hands as he checked it and looked up to Janus in curiosity.

“He’s good with animals. That’s why he wanted us to do this,” Janus answered the unasked question with smile and let Virgil do his job as he kept the boy off his back.

After a few minutes Virgil then turned and looked down to Lewis.

“So, this little cat here was lucky! He’s uninjured and looks pretty healthy,” he explained as he scratched the cat behind the ear and waved Lewis to come a little closer. “He’s well fed and I found a chip. I’ll check now if we can read the data and find the owner like that. And then we can get him back to his home.”

Lewis watched him with big eyes and bit his lips.

“And if you cannot find them? Could I have the cat?”

Virgil exchanged a look with Janus and the older man huffed and put his hand on the teen’s shoulder.

“Look,” Janus said and pulled him softly back to the door, “if the cat belongs to someone, we can’t do anything but return it.”

“But what if I want it more?”

Janus sighed and squeezed his shoulder.

“Doesn’t go like this, boy. If you had a cat and it would get lost, how would you feel if somebody else would just keep it? We can’t do that, can we?”

Lewis looked to the floor, pouted and said: “No, we can’t. I get that.”

“Good,” Janus said and pulled his hand away, waiting for Lewis to look up. “But between us; if they suck or if we can’t find them, we’ll bring him back to you, okay?”

Immediately Lewis’s eyes lit up and he nodded excitedly at Janus, who felt Virgil glare at the back of his head. Quickly, he then led Lewis out of the room to let Virgil do scan and asked Lewis to give him his mail so he could contact and inform him what had happened with the cat.

“Can I come by tomorrow and ask how things are, if I don’t hear from you?” he asked and Janus chuckled.

With a grin Janus walked away from behind the counter, opened the door for Lewis and said: “You’re welcome to do so. Even if you were to hear from us. Maybe we could check out together what kind of cat would fit for your living situation if this one isn’t going to be yours, what do you think?”

The look Lewis gave him almost made up for Janus having to sit out the whole Sunday and he wished the teen a good afternoon as he left. With a sigh he made his way back to the little room. He knocked on the door frame and waited for Virgil to turn around. Eventually Virgil turned around and Janus got to see his frown.

“What’s the news?” Janus asked looking at the cat chilling in Virgil’s arms.

Virgil scratched the cat’s belly and answered: “I could read the chip, but I did a check of the address, because there was no phone number or mail on it, and it seems like they moved out? And I can’t find them anywhere? So, I don’t know what’s next?”

“Do you find the number or mail of neighbours of them? They might know where they went and could tell us. That’s the only thing I can think of right off the bat, at least,” Janus offered and Virgil started googling.

* * *

An hour later the duo stood with a cat in a transport box in front of Logan’s door and rang his bell.

Why that was? Well, they had managed to contact neighbours of the old cat owners and they had been able to tell them where they lived now. Which was great. But, of course there was a but, they had also informed them that the couple apparently only spoke broken English and otherwise talked in an East European language. Which led to the following conversation:

_“Wait, isn’t Logan like part East European?”_

_“His surname is Fojtík if I recall correctly, so that could be possible. Didn’t he say he knows a little … Polish and Croatian?”_

_“I think it’s Czech not Croatian but I don’t know if that’s what we’ll need…”_

_“Well, it’s the best shot we have, storm could. Let’s go over to the bookworm and ask him if he might want to help us.”_

And so, they stood there and waited for Logan to open the door. And as Logan opened the door, Janus was quick to explain their situation and when he ended Logan looked more than unimpressed.

“Do you know how broad the term “East Europe” is? And my knowledge of Polish and Czech is quite limited as I am self-taught and have almost no talking experience. I doubt I would be any help,” Logan said and pushed his glasses up with his middle and ring finger.

Janus rolled his eyes and wanted to argue, as he suddenly a voice from indoors perked up and said in his stead: “Come on, Lo! At the very least you know more than they do, and it’s for the well-being of this cat!”

And those words were followed by Patton walking up to Logan, former wearing a white tank top, black jogging shorts, white socks and a pair of pink slippers. Janus eyed him curiously, watched how he put his hand on Logan’s shoulder and how the small man visibly stiffened and looked up to him with slight annoyance in his face. But somehow there was no edge to Logan’s look and Janus was sure to keep that little interaction in mind together with the other little clues the two had left him over the years.

“I suppose you have a point. But why exactly do you need to do this today?” Logan asked and turned his attention back to Janus.

Janus nudged his nephew in the arm and said with a chuckle: “Because he dislikes keeping the animals away from their homes for too long. Also, his owners’ place is only like forty minutes away.”

“Oh,” Logan said and nodded.

He then looked back over his shoulder to Patton and the man grinned at him with a pledge in his eyes. Logan moaned and walked back inside while murmuring: “Fine! But you’ll help me put in the sign when I come back.”

“If you give me the keys, I can move it inside while you’re away, Logi. It’s no bother at all!” Patton said and looked inside the apartment while Janus exchanged a look with Virgil who just shook his head at the romantic foolery.

After a minute Logan was back, ready with his satchel and a light jacket and said goodbye to Patton, who said he’d order dinner for them if he told him in time when they’d come back. Quick the three walked down and headed towards Virgil’s car. At once Virgil stopped and both men halted and looked at him.

“I want to look after the cat while we’re driving,” Virgil stated unprompted.

“And?” Janus asked and made a light motion with his hand.

“Who’s driving then? Lo cannot drive, I won’t let you drive and I want to look after the cat.”

“Oh my god,” Logan moaned and Janus facepalmed.

Of course, this would be a problem, Janus thought and was about to explain to Virgil that for once in his life he might have to let him handle the cat, when he looked up and saw a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“We could ask your boyfriend to drive,” Virgil proposed smugly and Janus gasped theatrically.

“He is not my boyfriend! And we will not bother him with such trivial matters!”

“But bothering Logan is okay? Sorry, uncle J, we’re not going to compromise on this one. Go and get the flower boy, while I and Lo get into the car. K?”

Janus huffed but eventually went to the brother’s store. He had seen them doing something inside and he hoped it could save himself from climbing anymore stairs for the day.

And Janus was indeed lucky. Roman was just about to walk inside the store when Janus saw him. Roman spotted him around the same time and waved happily. Janus smiled back and walked closer, watching how Roman stood still and waited for him to come closer.

“Good afternoon Mr. Segura Reyes,” Janus greeted him with a grin and Roman chuckled.

“Good afternoon to yourself Mr. Jones! Whatever can I help you with?”

Janus stood still for a moment, watching how Roman turned further towards him and pushed a loose hair strain behind his ear.

“Well, normally I would feel offended that you assume I’d only come to you because I want something, but for once I have a little favour to ask from you.”

“Oh? What is it?” Roman asked curiously and Janus curtly explained what had gone down at the pet store today.

Attentively Roman had listened and said when Janus was finished: “So, you need a driver? I can do that! Just let me get my wallet and say bye to Rem. Then I’m all yours!”

“Really?” Janus said a little surprised by how easy it was to get Roman to do something so ridiculous.

Roman had already started to walk towards the door of the shop and stopped now. With a smile and an amused look, he told Janus: “Don’t be silly! I love to help you guys whenever I can! It’s great around here and I’m happy to do my part!”

And then the florist disappeared in the shop and Janus was left standing there for a few moments. He really liked him. He did. But this kindness and will to give was sometimes almost too much for Janus. It was as if Roman was trying to prove something with it. Not to Janus, not to anybody in particular, but maybe the world itself, which made Janus question what had motivated the man to develop such a stupidly altruistic life philosophy.

“Till later, Rem! I’m back in two hours or so!” Roman’s voice pulled Janus out of his thoughts and he watched the man exit the door, looking back over his shoulder, probably looking at Remus somewhere inside.

“Yeah, goodbye! Take care! Drive save,” Janus heard the response from Roman’s brother and the man nodded happily and closed up on Janus.

* * *

Roman was a pleasantly good driver and the cat was one of the greatest cats of all; a cat which didn’t meow as if he was dying any second now while driving. The radio was a little turned down and Logan had inquired how Janus’s youngest sister was doing, as he had frequently talked about her.

Lotona, second youngest of the Jones family, had just had her third kid and Janus had visited her last weekend.

“So how many nieces and nephews do you have combined, now? With so many siblings and whatnot,” Roman asked casually.

Janus sat in the front seat next to Roman, Logan and Virgil, rather cramped in the back, and shot a lazy look to Roman. It was fascinating how focused he seemed to be sitting behind this wheel.

“I think, her daughter is the eighteenth?” Janus mused.

“No, she’s the ninetieth. You forgot to count aunt Flora’s boy. He’s been born like half a year ago, I think?” Virgil corrected and Janus sighed.

“That’s a lot of cousins, Virgil. You probably didn’t feel like an only child at all, if you were growing up in such a big household,” Roman said and looked into the rear-view mirror for a second.

Virgil huffed a little and put his fingers through the holes of the transport box. With the hint of a smile he mumbled: “It didn’t. Was kinda nice all things considered. Like, it has its perks to have such a big family. Always someone there to turn to.”

Roman smiled at the answer and nodded a little. Janus observed him closely as he did so. It looked like a happy and content expression and gesture. But there was something a little too stiff, too melancholic in Roman’s eyes as he spoke and Janus had picked up on it. One of these days he would probably have to find out what it was but not anytime soon if he had a say in it. He did not feel comfortable yet to dug up this man’s past life.

“But you seem to be pretty close with Remus too,” Virgil said at once and met eyes with Roman in the rear-view mirror. “He seems to be a rather protective older brother from what I can tell. Was he always like that?”

Roman rolled his eyes and chuckled at that statement. With a lopsided smile he answered: “It’s almost funny how everybody always figures out that he’s twenty minutes older than me just because he sometimes acts like a ridiculous guard dog.”

“Wait. You’re twins?!” Virgil half yelled which made Logan flinch next to him.

Roman only shrugged and kept watching the road.

“Yeah. Identical twins. When we were younger people had no way to tell who’s who. It was fun to mess with people like that. Today, nobody falls for it anymore, but we’re still just as close as we were. Maybe even more so. And I’m very thankful for that. Because it is really nice to have someone you can fall back to no matter what.”

Virgil nodded and then apologized to the cat for yelling, ignoring Logan’s dramatic eye roll. Janus just stared at Roman. Somehow, this statement made him uneasy. It was as if someone had thrown a puzzle in front of him and as he began to put it together, he started to realize that pieces were lacking. Pieces he needed to see the whole picture.

But Janus did not give into the curiosity and instead asked Virgil how long far away from their destination they were. In response Virgil looked onto the route on Google Maps and said about five minutes.

They soon reached the neighbourhood where the apartment should be and after ten minutes found the actual destination they were looking for. After another minute of deliberation, if Virgil had to come with Janus or not, Janus, Virgil and Logan walked towards the house and left Roman standing by the car, so they wouldn’t overwhelm the couple completely.

Lazily, Roman leaned against the car and scrolled through the Instagram account of their shop and then started to play a game on his phone.

It really was a nice afternoon and it had been interesting to learn a little more about Janus and Virgil’s family. He had hoped to hear a little more about Logan but the man apparently was rather secretive with his past. Roman could respect that. Who if not he?

Roman let out a little laugh and stretched his arms. Curious he looked up to the apartment building, wondering if they had found the right cat owner, when he suddenly felt his phone buzzing twice in his hand.

He unlocked the screen.

He had gotten the text.

Blankly he stared at the screen and stumbled against the car. He needed to go home to Remus, he desperately thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I know the ending is mean but you'll get the next chapter tomorrow. It will have a warning in front of it^^
> 
> If you can, please be kind with me and take care and have a wonderful day. Love you all❤️


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** Warning: Explicit suicide attempt by Remus! There is no blood and no severe injury or gun or drug abuse. **
> 
> [Suicide Hotlines](https://www.suicidestop.com/call_a_hotline.html)

He hadn’t said “Till later”.

He had watched his words very carefully. He wanted them to be okay. Okay last words for Roman to remember.

He hadn’t said “Till later” because he did not want Roman to join him anytime soon. He wanted Roman to live. To be happy.

But even more so he wanted to die.

He sighed and looked down at his hand on the counter in the kitchen. Next to it was the folded piece of paper. Roman probably wanted words afterwards. He did not know what to say but he could give him a few words. All the words he knew.

He pulled out his hearing aids and set them onto the paper. A last time he looked around. They hadn’t quite settled in yet. Between the getting the store ready and the move into the flat, there had not been so much time to decorate or make everything perfectly presentable.

Remus didn’t have the energy to decorate quite honestly. Maybe Roman did neither, but maybe he just thought he’d do it later.

Remus hoped it was the latter.

It wasn’t important anymore.

Remus felt numb and walked towards the stairs. He climbed them not looking at the empty floor, neither of them had bothered to properly clean up. Roman had mentioned when they got the place that they could make a hobby room out of it.

Hopefully, he’d do that.

Remus took the next flight of stairs. Up to the rooftop.

The air was clear and the sky was starting to turn a little yellow. No clouds. What a lovely day to die.

Remus didn’t waver when he walked towards the edge of the roof. Nor did he hesitate when he stepped onto the little parapet. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment.

When he had been a child, he had always thought being deaf meant complete and utter silence. That that was the worst thing that could possibly happen to you. Being in complete and utter silence.

But he wasn’t deaf. He was profoundly hard of hearing. And that was not silent at all. Not that it was loud, no, but there were sounds. Sometimes tinnitus, sometimes things that resembled speech, when he didn’t have his hearing aids in.

And somehow, of all the things that had happened and that hurt him, this he didn’t really mind. The smothered world he lived in without the hearing aids was fine with him.

Remus opened his eyes again and looked down. The street was almost empty. Only Patton, who was putting a sign away in front of Logan’s store.

When he’d be gone Remus could finally jump.

* * *

Patton was busing himself with putting away the sign, Logan had asked him to bring inside his store. Just a little favour for an old friend.

And as he did so, he turned towards the street and stretched, straightening his back until it cracked. He sighed contently and looked to the house on the other side. Nothing special, just the sunlight reflecting on the walls.

Almost Patton just turned around as his eyes caught something strange. The shadow from the rooftop was not flat. It looked like the silhouette of a person standing on-

Patton turned and looked up. Nothing on the roof of his building. His eyes flickered and he looked to the left and-

There stood Remus. On top of the roof.

First, he wanted to shout for him. No word came out and he was glad for it. He could not risk to startle him.

So instead, Patton walked a little backwards and lifted his hand to wave at Remus. He didn’t react and Patton waved more.

And he turned his head. He looked at him.

Patton needed to do something. He needed to act. He had to get to him. Because Remus would not wait until somebody else came. Until firefighters would have brought a net to catch him or Roman would have turned up to talk sense into him.

With utter and complete certainty Patton felt that Remus would do it, if he would give him more time. Too much time.

And Patton gulped. He looked up and tried to make out Remus’s face. It was so small and blank. He could not let him die. He could not let him commit suicide.

And so, Patton chose to act in blind trust and yelled up to Remus: “Wait there, buddy! Just a minute! I’ll be up there with you!”

And Patton ran to the door by the side of _Flores Encantadas_ and tried to open it. It was closed. He stepped back. Rammed against it. Repeated it. The lock broke. Not looking right or left. Just looking for stairs. Climbing them. Taking several steps at once. Almost losing one of his pink slippers. The third flight of stairs. The last one. And Patton reached the door to get on the rooftop. He swung it open and saw –

Saw Remus’s back. Remus still standing on the parapet.

Patton exhaled. He needed to be calm. He could not make a mistake. Not miss this chance.

“Buddy?”

He didn’t dare to raise his voice. To risk Remus getting startled.

But as Remus didn’t react, he couldn’t help but repeat himself a little louder. Time was running out and he made a few shy steps towards Remus, asking for his attention in speaking voice.

And then Remus looked over his shoulder. Looked at him. And Patton felt as if all his breath had been taken away from him. This colourful, loud man he had got to know in the past month – he was grey and listless.

He must have been each time when they had talked. He must have felt horrible and Patton had not seen it. And now they stood here and Patton had to act.

And act he did.

“Hey buddy, let’s – let’s go down these stairs together.”

Remus didn’t move and Patten forced himself to remain calm and stand still.

“Please, Remus, I cannot fathom what you are going through and what you feel right now but please don’t jump. Roman loves you. You are a good man. A kind man. Please, don’t give yourself up. Not today.”

And Patton stretched his hand slightly in Remus’s direction.

Only his heartbeat in his ears. Only the face of Remus in his vision. And Remus turned further towards him, pressing his lips together.

And Patton was brave and took a step towards him. And another. And another. Slowly, but surely, he walked towards Remus, who looked at him, no word spoken, nothing changing in his stance.

And then Patton was in Remus’s reach. He held out his hand and looked Remus dead in the eye. The sun light bathed half of Remus’s face and yet it could not compare with the bright demeanour Remus usually displayed.

Time stopped.

Remus’s hand twitched. He moved it towards Patton. And Patton closed the distance and took Remus by the hand. Breathless he waited for Remus to step down.

And Remus stepped down from the parapet. Patton held his hand. His hand was a little cold but sweaty. His hand was weakly holding his. But it held.

Remus lived. Remus’s was still breathing and alive and Patton held his hand.

And Patton would not let go. Not soon. Not yet.

“We go down the stairs now? Is that okay?” Patton asked.

Remus looked at him for a moment, seemingly not really understanding the question.

“You want to get off the roof? Into our flat?”

A cold shiver ran down Patton’s spine at the sound of Remus’s voice. It was dry and a little more monotone than he was used to, but most importantly it was so uncommonly quiet.

Patton nodded and Remus returned the nod listlessly. Carful, Patton pulled Remus along towards the door and down from this wicked rooftop. Slowly, so very slowly, they got to the stairs and Patton walked Remus down.

He held his hand and walked into the twins’ apartment.

Only now Patton realized how unorganized the place looked. There were still a few empty boxes and, more importantly, a lot of empty spaces. No knickknacks which made the place homelier and showed who lived inside. Worried he walked Remus towards the small table standing in what he believed to be the living room. He watched Remus, looking for any signs of him wanting to do say or do anything.

Remus looked at him and then to the chair in front of him.

“Let’s sit down,” he proposed and Patton pulled out the chair for Remus and then sat down next to him, never letting go of his hand.

For a few more moments they sat there in silence. Then Patton gulped and looked back to Remus and asked: “Have you taken anything? Do we need to see a physician?”

Again, Remus needed a moment to respond. A little shaky he asked: “Could you say that again?”

Patton nodded and repeated his question and Remus nodded along as he spoke.

“No, I haven’t taken any pills. I’m sober. Completely in my right mind and all.”

Patton didn’t know if that made it worse or better but he nodded at Remus’s response and watched him closely.

The grip of Remus’s hand got a little stronger and Patton squeezed it a little. A ghost of a grin washed over Remus’s lips and Patton had to restrain all inside of himself to not pull him against his chest and hold him and tell him that all would be fine.

And at once Remus’s face fell even more. How that was possible, Patton did not know, but he saw it clearly and panicked inwardly of what was happening now. Remus looked at him, eyes darting to his and Patton’s clasped hand for a second then back up to Patton. He then looked around and saw his own phone sitting on the table and pulled it towards himself.

Remus gulped and bit his lip. He unlocked the phone and then looked back to Patton.

“I need to tell Ro. But I can’t type,” Remus said quietly holding up his left hand which was trembling.

For a moment Patton just stared at him.

“I’m sorry to burden you, but could you type something for me?” Remus asked further when Patton remained quiet.

Sadly, Patton noted and opened the app on Remus’s phone. He was not sure if that was a good idea. He was not sure if he should just listen to Remus when he was obviously in such a bad state. And yet, there he was waiting for Remus to dictate a message for his brother.

“Okay, so uhm,” Remus fumbled with his words and took a tiny airy breath and drove over his face with his free hand, “let’s do this: I tried it again ‘period’ I am alive ‘period’ I am unharmed ‘period’”

Remus’s voice stopped abruptly and Patton watched him scratch his nose again.

_Again._

_I tried it again._

Patton had had to type that. He had had to hear Remus dictate those words to him, to so casually acknowledge that he had tried to kill himself before. And in the same breath also imply that Roman knew of it. That Roman knew about his brother’s attempts and that he might have walked into him trying, just like he had walked into him today.

But Patton could not formulate any of that and instead asked: “Should I call him for you? I can explain it to him.”

Remus blinked several times before he shook his head and answered: “He’ll be angry. Not at me or you, but he’ll be angry and I don’t want you to get shouted at. But you could add to the text: Patton is with me ‘period’ – I think that’ll calm him enough until they are back home.”

Patton wanted to argue but eventually settled on adding the phrase ‘Patton is with me and he will not leave until you are home.’ He then looked over the text once more, looking if he made a typo and then pushed the phone softly in front of Remus.

He read it. His eyes twitched when he came to the last phrase. He nodded and pressed send.

A moment went by and the message was already read. Remus pulled his hand away from Patton, sat his elbows on the table and buried his face in his hands. His shoulders shook a little and Patton had to push some tears out of his own eyes.

Very careful Patton laid his hand on Remus’s back and started to draw circles on it. He inched closer towards Remus, so close that the latter certainly felt the body warmth radiating from him.

Gently, softly, tenderly, all of the comfort and care he could find in himself, Patton began to repeat over and over again, as long as they would be wating for Roman to return: “Nothing’s okay. It’s not okay, I know. But that’s alright for now. It’s alright buddy. It’s alright. We’ll figure out how to make it better. We will. I know we will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, hello. First of all, I want to link you to this side with [Suicide Hotlines](https://www.suicidestop.com/call_a_hotline.html) for most countries.
> 
> Here in this story Patton got lucky and saw Remus's shadow. I was not lucky enough to catch the bus one hour earlier, which would have prevented my brother from commiting suicide. This is a serious topic and if you are struggeling and have the strenght to reach out, please do so. And to those who know such people; be supportive. Be kind and help them how they ask you to help them if you can. They are incredible people for having kept themselves alive for so long. Do not forget that.
> 
> Thank you for your attention and sorry for making this so somber despite this being a simple fanfiction. Now please know; I am proud of you all for being here. You're voices are important and cannot be recreated ever again. There are many people out there that love you and/or will love you. So please take care and have a wonderful day❤️


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short summary of the last chapter for those who skipped it: Remus wanted to jump from the rooftop, Patton saw and stopped him and brought him back down into the twins living room. Remus dictated the message Roman received in the chapter before to Patton who sent it.

I tried it again. I am alive.  
I am unharmed. Patton is  
with me and he will not  
leave until you are home.

Roman read through it again. He wanted to shout. Needed to shout. And cry and be at home. Make sure Remus really was alive.

Helpless he had been rocking back and forth as he walked in circles in front of the car. He prayed that they had found the right owner and could drive home. That Virgil could drive home. That he could get home. He needed to get home. He had to get home. Now. He should be there right now.

He heard steps and spun around. The three men came walking towards him. Virgil held the transport box and it was empty.

Thank the stars that it was empty.

Logan was bickering with Virgil, scolding him for pulling him along, since the owners actually spoke English quite well and were actually Russian. Yet that bickering stopped abruptly when they saw Roman staring at them. And shaking.

Concerned Janus asked Roman: “What is going on, Roman? Did something happen?”

To all their surprise Roman ignored the question and stepped towards Virgil. His shoulders were trembling and his look dangerously single-minded. Virgil frowned and had to control himself to not step back as Roman came closer.

“It was the right owners?”

Roman’s voice was far to unshaken and clear for Roman’s dishevelled display. Virgil frowned even more and took the hand out of his hoodie pocket.

“Yeah? What-” Virgil wanted to ask but Roman cut him off.

“Do you think you could drive home? I can’t drive right now. And I _need_ to go home.”

Roman did not sound as if he was begging Virgil to help him but his stance and expression were dripping with desperation. He would fall on his knees and plead for Virgil to drive, if he had to. Virgil got that notion and was not about to let Roman beg for his help. Quickly, he handed the transport box to Logan and motioned for him and Janus to get into the car, while holding his hand out for Roman to give him back the keys.

Roman handed him the keys and practically jumped onto the passenger seat, while Virgil stepped around his car and took place in the driver seat. He barely waited for Janus to close the door and then started the car.

For a few moments nobody spoke. They were all too tense to utter a word after they had heard the urgency in Roman’s voice and witnessed Virgil’s anxious reaction. But as they drove out of the neighbourhood and Roman frantically grabbed the handhold above the door, still shaking like a leave in the autumn breeze, Logan simply could not remain silent anymore.

“Roman what has happened? Would you please explain why you need to get home with such urgency?” Logan said as calm as he could.

Roman was staring out the window, face turned away from all of them. He was terribly tense and everything about his demeanour and attitude screamed defence. Logan pressed his lips together when Roman simply shook his head and Logan turned to look at Janus, who looked as genuinely concerned as he felt.

Lightly Janus leaned forward and touched Roman on the shoulder from behind. Which was not a good move as Roman flinched terribly and gasped in a high-pitched voice. Shocked Janus pulled his hand back and watched Roman curl more into himself, making himself as small as a big, 6’2’’ tall man buckled in his seat could.

“I need to be home.”

Roman’s voice was broken and wet. It was devasted and hopeless and nothing like what they had heard Roman ever sound like.

They didn’t say or ask anything anymore after that. Forty minutes of silence, in which Roman slowly uncurled a little but never let the others see his face. He kept looking out of the window and when they reached Crow Avenue and Virgil drove up to the flower shop, things suddenly sped up.

With a click Roman unbuckled his seatbelt. Despite the car not having entirely stopped yet, Roman opened the door and jumped out accompanied by a fearful yell from Virgil. But Roman didn’t stop. He was sprinting straight towards the door by the side of the house and had disappeared within seconds.

“Park in front of my shop! I think their door has been broken open!” Logan instructed quickly and Virgil parked accordingly.

Barely checking if all had closed the doors of his car Virgil started jogging towards the open door just to be overtaken by Logan and then stopping and looking back to Janus who was lagging behind.

“Go! Just go! I’ll be right with you!” Janus hissed and Virgil started to run again.

Meanwhile, Logan had run upstairs in a tempo he had never believed to be able to reach and now stood in the assumed living room of the Segura Reyes twins. He could not take in much of it since he was distracted by Roman loudly rambling things in Spanish, while signing(?) and walking frantically in front of the table where Remus and Patton(??) sat at. But the question marks had to wait as he took a closer look at Remus and almost felt himself getting sick.

The bouncy, slightly annoying, but admittedly also extremely funny man looked like a living dead. His eyes were red, his shoulders hung low and his expression was blank and trembly. He watched Roman walk and Patton had put his hand on Remus’s shoulder, uncertain what he should say or do. Neither did Logan know what to say but nevertheless he walked further into the room and continued observing what was happening.

Roman sounded mad? Desperate was probably more fitting and he was stuttering and stumbling over quite a few of his words as far as Logan could tell. Tears were rolling down Roman’s cheeks and his shaking had gotten worse.

Remus looked extremely distressed and exhausted. He licked his lips and opened his mouth, unable to find a second to cut Roman off. The helplessness in his eyes almost hurt Logan and he was about to speak up for him when Remus suddenly said in a strange voice: “I don’t understand you Roman. I can’t hear right now.”

Roman stopped at once. With talking and walking. He stared at his brother and then rubbed his eyes dry.

In the sudden silence Logan now heard Janus walking closer to them with the cane by the side and shot a short look behind himself where he saw uncle and nephew planlessly watch what was happening in front of them.

“Where did you put your hearing aids, Rem?”

Roman’s voice was suddenly clear again and he had made eye contact with Remus as he spoke and signed.

Remus gulped and looked down to the table plate before he glanced up and answered sounding a little more like himself: “They’re on the kitchen counter on a paper...”

“You wrote a suicide note?”

To Logan’s horror Remus fake smiled and shrugged.

A few Spanish curses fell again and Roman stomped towards the kitchen, leaving the others back. Logan stared at Remus who was inspecting his lap. Logan then met eyes with Patton, who cluelessly shook his head while petting Remus’s back. The tattoo artist looked somewhat confused since the second Roman had mentioned the hearing aids and frowned a little as he gently stroked Remus’s back.

Behind them Janus’s expression had gone blank and he was holding Virgil by the shoulder. And the lanky man just incredulously watched Remus with big eyes and small inhales and exhales. Taken aback he held his hand over his mouth and slightly shook his head, as Roman re-entered the room and set two hearing aids in front of Remus on the table.

Remus looked up once more, Roman stared back with an endlessly hurt and disheartened expression. Tears were forming anew in Roman’s eyes and he began to pace again, far too much vigour in his steps. A loud pained and angry groan cut the air and Logan felt himself tense.

“Why would you do this now?” Roman said loud and angry his words accompanied by the signing. “This house, this location was your idea! You said you like it here! You said it was better than all we had in – in ever! Why – why would you do this?! I thought we finally made it! I thought it was finally getting better! I – I don’t understand what I did wrong! How was I so wrong Remus? How – how did I? How did I fail you so badly?”

Remus eyes were filled with sadness and lethargy and he merely managed to open his mouth as his brother rambled getting louder and more desperate by the minute. Logan watched Patton holding onto Remus more fiercely and he felt himself automatically move towards the pacing Roman.

“It’s better and that’s why I can leave you now. You can do this on your own.”

As quietly as Remus had said that, none of the men had missed the statement.

Roman was frozen in place for a second before he figuratively exploded. Tears streaming down his face and senselessly gesticulating he cried and yelled, incoherently and impossible for Logan to decipher and understand.

But then again, Logan could understand where this anger came from and he finally stepped in front of Roman and grabbed his wrist firmly. Roman tried to yank it away, walk away but Logan kept holding him and as Roman vocally and angrily protested he grabbed his other wrist as well.

“Roman, for the love of the universe and anything beyond, stop!” Logan ordered loudly and watched Roman’s viciousness deflate a bit.

The sudden fall of energy in Roman’s demeanour just caused by him raising his voice stung Logan but right now was not the time for him to be overly sentimental. Firmly, but with no malice or forcefulness Logan continued: “I get that you are upset. Remus trying to commit suicide is terrifying and extremely upsetting even for me and we only met in the middle of June. I cannot imagine how terrifying this must be for you. But yelling will not help you right now. I understand you cannot stop yourself from being angry but do me a favour and take a deep breath. Like this.”

Logan inhaled waiting for Roman to join him. With some hiccups Roman began to inhale and mimicked as best as he could Logan as he shortly held his breath and then exhaled. Logan made Roman do that a few times resulting in calming him down considerably and also giving all of them time to readjust to the situation.

Virgil had broken away from Janus and stood beside Roman, awkwardly patting his shoulder, while his uncle kept his distance to the others and simply observed what was happening. Remus put in his hearing aids with shaking hands but dry eyes. Patton sat back a bit, giving Remus the space, he needed.

Logan gently let go of Roman’s wrists and let his hands slide down into Roman’s hands. With his thumbs he rubbed some circles on the back of Roman’s hands as the latter sniffled miserably.

“You are doing very good Roman,” Logan praised him gently and let go one of his hands so he could turn himself to also look at Remus.

With as much certainty Logan could muster, he looked at Remus, who gave him a weak but grateful nod. Logan watched how Remus’s eyes wandered from him over to Roman who flinched at the look from his brother.

“I put them in. I’m listening now. I’m here,” Remus said his voice almost sounding like himself again.

A whimper came out of Roman’s mouth and he covered it quickly with his hands. Remus sighed and tilted his head to the side as Roman began sobbing and mumbling: “This is wrong! You should not – not comfort me! I feel so stupid. I’m terrible.”

At that Remus stood up and wrapped his arms around his brother who almost melted against the touch and silently sobbed into the crane of Remus’s neck. Wordlessly Remus shook his head supporting Roman quietly and shot a glance over to Patton who felt like he needed to speak up and console his crying brother.

“Give him a moment. He can’t take it in right now. But he’ll bounce back, he always does. Don't worry,” Remus shushed Patton softly.

Carefully, he then pulled Roman along and sat back down with his brother in his arms and mumbled little things to calm the miserable man. Logan and Patton blankly stared at the twins, at the bizarre situation that unfolded and they shared a short look.

Then Logan walked towards the table and took a seat, Virgil following quickly and Janus still lingering behind and watching the scene from a safe distance. Patton shot a quick look through the round and said to Remus: “Do you have water in the kitchen? I’ll get us all something, if you don’t mind.”

“Yeah, we do. Help yourself,” Remus answered with a nod.

Patton quickly glanced over to Logan and then stood up to fetch them all something to drink. With a heavy head and a million emotions rushing through his veins Patton opened a few cabinets, the fridge until he noticed water bottles standing next to the kitchen counter. He took one of the bottles and then looked around for a few mugs, trying not to think of how certain Remus sounded when he said, Roman could make it on his own while Roman was so very much helpless and hopeless in the face of his brother trying to commit suicide.

Overwhelmed by a surge of old pain and uncomfortable memories Patton felt himself tumbling and he held onto the kitchen counter. Forceful he forced himself away from those sensations and memories, keeping in mind that he had to think of the twins right now. That for right now, this particular day, they mattered more and he had to step back and help them.

Help Remus, support Remus. Give Remus what Patton himself had received years ago and was still receiving.

“Oh, my Poppy. We all have been so very fortunate and that is why we share what we can spare and are happy to give. Do you understand that my Darling?”

Patton huffed a little and straightened his back, as he pushed some tears out of his eyes and shook his head. Of course, his mother’s words would safe him once more. Once more remind him what was important in life.

He grinned and gathered the mugs to bring them to the other in the living room, hoping his mother’s words would help him unravel a bit of the tension inside the room and their minds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> We're dealing with the aftermath now. That will take time. We will be stuck at this evening for quite a bit so buckle up. We're going to deal with all off it^^
> 
> Anyway, I love you all, please take care and have a wonderful day❤️


	9. Chapter 9

Patton walked back inside the living room and he put the mugs and the water bottle on the table. Roman still was clinging to Remus, the crying having subsided a little. Silently, Patton handed the others the mugs and filled them with water before he stood next to Remus and caught Remus’s gaze for a moment.

He looked a little less tired but sad now and Patton gave him a weak smile before he gently patted Roman’s shoulder.

“Hey buddy,” Patton said softly, “do you think you could take a little sip of water for me? It’s a lot, I know, but you need to stay hydrated and take a break from crying for a little bit.”

The Roman split off from Remus. Patton had to physically restrain himself from not flinching at the overwhelming grief and helplessness he found in Roman’s face and instead squeezed his shoulder lightly. Roman sniffed and rubbed his eyes, then turning himself towards the table and taking the glass with water in front of him. The drinking water interrupted Roman’s sobbing effectively and a bit of calm came over them.

When Roman had finished his sip he finally parted from Remus, stood to pull the chair next to him closer to Remus and sat down. His hands were shaking and he bit his lip, lightly shaking his head.

“I am so sorry for this, Patton,” Roman eventually said and looked to the tattoo artist. “I – I’m sorry for – for you needing to console me after everything you already did. And you too Logan!”

Roman stopped for a moment, stared into the nothingness and scratched the skin around his mouth before he looked back to Logan.

“I – I didn’t – I didn’t mean to be this loud and unreasonable and angry… I -”

He took a deep breath and stood up. He went to grab a tissue from the little box, which probably stood in for a proper coffee table, and quietly blew his nose with his back facing the others. Then he turned back to them, kept looking to the people at the table but paced around the room constantly shaking his head.

“Ro. Stop apologizing for everything. This is not your fault,” Remus said quietly.

Roman glared at him and sighed, frustration rushing through his veins.

“Quite honestly, how is this not my fault?” Roman asked while swaying his left arm out and stemmed his right hand in his hip. “Nobody but me knows about – about you wanting to – to die. Nobody but me was able to predict this because they don’t know you and knew what you would- Wait. I didn’t even. Oh my god. I did not even ask how you – You said you were unharmed, right? What did you try this time? What – what had, uhm…”

Roman trailed off and gesticulated towards Patton. Remus sighed and looked over to the three men, who had probably very little to none information about the whole situation, since Roman probably hadn’t been in the right mind space to fill them in about what had gone down.

“I wanted to jump from the roof. Would have left you with a body to bury or burn, I gathered. He saw me standing on the roof though, so that did not work out.”

Roman stared at Remus blankly and Patton coughed awkwardly which made both brothers look over to him.

“I’m really sorry for breaking the door… I’ll pay for the replacement,” Patton offered not knowing what else to do with their attention.

“Are you kidding?! I still have him around because of you! Break as many of our doors as you want! I – I don’t know what – how I – I don’t know what I would have done had I come back to Remus being-”

Roman choked again and pressed his hands into his upper arms, fingers visibly digging into his skin. Patton got up and walked over to Roman. Gently he put his hands on Roman’s shoulders and waited for him to return his look. And as Roman did so he found a deep, uncannily understanding, look in Patton’s eyes, that for a second, he stopped pressing his fingers so deep into his arms.

“I didn’t know Remus couldn’t hear me,” Patton said quietly but with an air of gravity laying in his voice. “I called for him to wait for me. And he did. He waited. He did not jump. But he did not hear me. I’m not saying that he did not want to do it, I’m not saying it’s not as bad as it has been before, but I know there is hope. I know that something in him still cares.”

Patton watched Roman’s lips quivering and watched something happen in this head of his. He watched and observed and as Roman lowered his head and pressed his hands against his mouth, he caught the small smile on his face. Patton was not certain but somehow, he felt that Roman had waited for this. Had waited, had hoped, had longed for someone, who would tell him it was fine to hope. That it very possibly was necessary for him to hope.

“You really think this is not a lost cause?”

Patton nodded uncaring that Roman did not look at him right now.

“I am sure it is not. But your love and care won’t save him. No one’s love can. You cannot do this on your own, Roman. I will do whatever I can to help him and you, but you need to let us help you both. And even so; my help will very possibly not be enough. You probably will need professional support for this.”

When Roman looked up to Patton in gratitude, Patton was not so sure if he had listened and understood all of what he had said. But apparently it had helped a little and he had stopped hurting himself by clawing his nails into his skin. Gently Patton stroked over Roman’s arms and Roman relaxed a little.

“Thank you, Patton. I cannot express my gratitude in a million years. Thank you so much,” Roman said and Patton just bowed his head and let go of him.

He then turned around to see Remus eyeing him concerned, Virgil sadly smiling and Janus watching him in great doubt. Then he shared a look with Logan. No words, no hesitation, no questioning. He was with him on this. He would help Patton support the twins in all the ways he could. They would figure it out together.

A muffled yawn cut Patton’s thoughts short and he turned to watch Roman hold his hand in front of his mouth and yawn a second time. Somehow, the atmosphere shifted by that and with a creek Remus stood and walked over to the two, slightly brushing with the back of his hand over Patton’s as he walked by. He put his arm around Roman’s shoulder and Roman shot him a slightly dozy look.

“You’re tired. I don’t think I can sleep tonight but you might want to catch some z’s. It’s not like we’re going to solve this tonight anyway. And you might do better after having slept the shock out of your system,” Remus said as Roman’s eyes widened and he straightened his stance angrily.

“Do you think I-”

“If you think, Poppy leaves me alone tonight, after breaking into our home to stop me from becoming a lifeless meat bag, I think we might need to get your head checked,” Remus stopped Roman before he could go off.

Automatically, both twins looked over to Patton. He was a little taken aback but said quickly: “I wanted to offer to stay, if you have me. I don’t have any clients tomorrow, so it is no bother for me.”

Roman hesitated for a second. He was about to nod and thank him as suddenly to everyone’s surprise Virgil spoke up.

“I’d like to stay too, if that’s okay,” Virgil said probingly.

Janus behind him glared into the back of his nephew’s head but the young man did not falter. He just looked at Roman and waited for his response.

The florist stood still with a frown and replied: “You don’t have to do this. We barely know us and this is a heavy topic. I wouldn’t want you to take this onto yourself just because you feel obligated to do it.”

“I know. I don’t feel obligated I just wanna help, Roman. I know how important it is to just have, uhm, support. And I couldn’t sleep anyway tonight, so I can just as well spend it here. Also, I have Jan who can open the shop in the morning, so all good,” Virgil explained with a shrug and let his eyed drift from Roman to Remus. “I mean if you’re both fine with me staying here of course. You don’t have to, I mean.”

Remus shot Roman a short look and they had a silent agreement before Remus said: “I don’t mind, kid. You’re welcome to stay over. Will ease the príncipe’s mind.”

Virgil nodded and promptly got up and pulled Janus off his chair barely a moment after that.

“Great! Then I’ll let you get ready for bed and we’ll go down and barricade the door, so nobody can get in. Come on, uncle J! We don’t have all night!” Virgil ordered Janus around and got himself and him out of the apartment.

The second Virgil had closed the door behind them and they stood in the staircase, Janus hissed at him: “What on earth do you believe are you doing right now?! Do you understand that we talk about a suicidal man?! And you volunteered to keep an eye on him?!”

Virgil huffed and angrily started stomping down the stairs, leaving Janus to follow him if he wanted to get an answer. When they reached the first floor, Virgil spun around to Janus and gesticulated furiously for a few seconds before he crossed his arms and glared disappointedly at him.

“Why do you always want to turn away from difficult people, who are not family? Why? Why are you such a fucking coward?” Virgil asked deeply disheartened.

“Because I have a _fucking_ sense of self-preservation and this is never going to end well! Save yourself all the heartbreak you can get! Don’t get more involved than needed, you won’t get anything out of this but pain so don’t waste your energy, Virgil! Do not do this to yourself!”

Virgil stared Janus dead in the eye and started shaking his head.

His voice was cool and electric when he said: “Whom are you telling that? Me or yourself? Do you really believe you’d just forgive yourself if you’d leave Roman with all of this just because you don’t want to get involved? Just because you don’t want to get hurt? That’s not what Gram told us to live like! I’m fucking scared of everything, all the time, everywhere, but these two have been nothing but kind to us! They asked for nothing even though they very obviously need all the support they can get!”

“I’m not saying they don’t need support,” Janus retorted icily, “but you don’t need to provide that to them! And neither am I. We barely know them.”

Silence. Then Virgil chuckled in disbelieve.

“We barely know them, he says. We barely know them. Do you listen to yourself? Have you seen yourself talk to and watch Roman? You’ve dried one of the sunflowers of the bouquet he gifted you first and have it laying on your nightstand! I have never in my life seen a guy adore you so much like he does and you want to back out because it’s going to be _tough_? Because he’s heavy baggage to deal with? News flash! I’ve got a fucking anxiety disorder and you did not give up on me either! You are not without a fucking heavy backstory either! Yeah, we don’t _need_ to provide them with support but we can and I’m very certain that I want that and you should grow the fuck up and think about what you want too. Now, help me barricading this goddamn door. They don’t need to be robbed on top of this whole misery.”

And with that Virgil turned around and looked for something he could barricade the door with. Janus just stood there for a few moments. Then he quietly took the broom which stood in the corner and helped Virgil yanking it under the door handle so it was impossible to open again. For now, they’d have to leave through the store but that would be fine until they’d get the door fixed.

Silently uncle and nephew walked back up the stairs. Janus felt his leg hurt, the sting tiring him out even more than Virgil’s words had. He was in denial still. He could not have Virgil be right. He might care about Roman, but not enough to get involved with such severe mental health problems. He would not do that to himself.

As they reached the apartment door again and walked inside, Roman was instructing Remus to not leave the house without his knowledge and chaperon, leaving all the doors in the apartment open so he could get to him at all times and then hugged him. Virgil walked in first and both brothers acknowledged him as he said that they’d managed to barricade the door. Janus felt heavy and limped towards them slowly, while Roman thanked Virgil for everything and yawned again.

Roman then turned away and from them and waved Patton and Logan a good night before he took two steps towards the hallway leading into his room. Then he stopped and looked back directly at Janus. For the first time tonight, Janus realized and froze.

“Sorry,” Janus heard Roman say with this sincerely apologetic smile, “for ruining this. You don’t need to do this to yourself. I understand and it’s okay. I doubt I’d do that to myself either, if I had a choice. But alas. Good night.”

Janus stood still and watched Roman walk away. It was a lie. A lie that Roman would not volunteer to help him if he were the one in his position. And it was a lie that Janus didn’t want to get involved. And Janus would have to deal with that realization later as Virgil glared at him and said after Roman had been gone for a minute: “Have your crisis later. We’ve got the other twin to deal with right now.”

Janus quivered under the words and turned, seeing how Patton and Logan stared at him and Remus slopped down on a chair. He sighed and walked over to the table and sat down to the others.

Remus shot him a humourless grin and Virgil took the seat next to him. This would probably be quite a night, Janus realized, hoping he was doing the right thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Here I am with a little update!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it and I wish you a great week!
> 
> Please take care and have a wonderful day❤️


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>   
>  **Warning: Description of a car accident! Self-deprecating tendencies form Remus and Roman! Mention of abusive and homophobic parents!**  
> 
>
>> A particular graphic description of Roman’s injuries is marked in the text like this, so you might skip it if you need to.

A few minutes of silence followed after they all had sat down around the table. Remus was fumbling with his fingers and Patton was playing with the thought of interfering with that when Logan suddenly asked: “Do we need to keep it down so Roman will not be bothered by our conversation?”

Remus looked up and pulled his eyebrows up.

“Nah. He’s one of those people who can lie down and are just knocked out. He’s probably asleep for some minutes by now,” Remus explained and leaned back in his chair.

A short moment passed, little noises from the five men sitting and adjusting themselves in their seats.

“Is there a moment where it started? Like, for you to have these thoughts of, uhm-” Virgil asked out of the blue just to for Janus to swat him in the arm and Remus cut him off with a little laugh.

“These thoughts of me killing myself? When that started?” Remus completed the question for Virgil and continued before any of the three others could tell him he did not have to talk about it. “I’m impressed that you go for the direct route. Usually when I only mention that the stupid jokes are more than that people just straight up walk away. You’re impressively brave, kid…”

Remus chuckled a bit and ran his fingers through his hair, nervously rubbing his feet together under the table. He felt itchy and weird. A little as if he stood next to himself, as if he wasn’t quite sure who he was.

A breath in. A breath out. Here he was.

He looked up to Virgil and then to his side, to Patton and Logan. Lastly to Janus. Remus smiled and titled his head. Shrugged.

“I suppose, I can tell you how it started but it’s not going to be fun,” Remus then said and watched the reactions of the others.

Janus was reserved but did not seem like he would interject. Virgil looked fearful and so did Patton. And Logan-

“What does ‘it’s not going to be fun’ mean? Could you be less vague?”

Logan was cautious but interested. The spirit behind these glasses, so sharp, so unyielding. So much more interested in him than Remus had ever dared to hope.

“Oh well,” Remus answered pushing his thoughts aside, “the usual fun stuff: homophobic parents, a car crash in which I lost a part of my hearing, a bit of homelessness and that junk. You know. Just the regular.”

They all held their breath. Except for Remus, who grinned and took a sip from the glass of water in front of him. It was easier to smile through it. It stopped him from crying.

“Still wanna listen?”

The answer was no. Nobody ever wanted to listen. Hell, Roman did not want to listen or talk about it. And Remus understood why. It was hard and heavy and it hurt him. He could not just unload all of it on him. He was carrying enough as it was. And even less so he could do this to those men around the table.

“Yes, very much so.”

Remus jerked his head up and stared at Logan. Logan looked at him so intently, so sincerely and added seeing the confusion in Remus’s face: “I understand you want to talk about it. I will offer you my ear and I am prepared for what you will tell us. It is fine, Remus. Please share with us what you need to share.”

Remus blinked disoriented and then felt how his hand was clasped in Patton’s and he looked to Patton. He gave him an encouraging nod paired with a wavery smile and Remus did not know what this was. What was happening.

He frowned and at once had a hand put on his shoulder. It was Patton’s, he had moved it up form his hand, and through all the numbness he had felt thorough today, an itsy bitsy, tiny spark of something light up inside of him. Remus thought that it had no right to be there.

“Lo’s right. If you need to you can tell us. We offered our help and if we couldn’t give it, we wouldn’t have stayed here. I promise you, Remus,” Patton said so gently and Remus looked over to Janus.

He would disagree, Remus was sure. But when he looked at him, he just gave a nod with is lips pressed together in a firm line and Remus took a moment to realize the meaning of that. That he possibly could tell his story.

As if he was in a trance Remus’s eyes landed back on Virgil and the young man nodded in agreement as the others did. So, it was settled. Remus could despite everything tell his story.

For the first time in a long while Remus had to collect himself. Had to think about how he should start this. He circled his shoulders and Patton’s hand was gone and did no longer distract him.

“Uhm, so,” Remus babbled and scratched the back of his head, “I suppose I begin with our father finding out about – well me being pan and Ro being gay, even though I still don’t know how he figured Roman out, because he was pretty good at pretending, he was not in fact gay as a rainbow. Anyway, we were seventeen and he found out. It was a Thursday and we came back from school and he was somehow home and started shouting about what a disgrace we were, how disgusting it was and I naturally shouted back at him and it became a huge fight. He hit me a few times-”

“He hit you?!” Janus exclaimed horrified.

Remus shot him a look and shrugged: “Yeah, he did. Not every day and not always but he did quite often. He also drank at the weekends and it wasn’t fun. But that’s another thing. Anyway, he hit me a bit and then Ro got between us and Dad hit him a few times and for some reason, he then stormed off. Which left me relieved for a short second before I panicked and thought about how it would turn out when he’d come back. I had already the great imagery of him shooting me with a rifle he stole from neighbours, when Roman grabbed me by the arm and told me to pack our clothes. Before I got to ask why, he said he’d take our documents and we’ll go. We’d leave and never come back.”

Remus took a short breather and remembered the look in Roman’s eyes when he told him that. The look of a boy who had suffered and tried too long and wanted to flee.

“He had a car and a license. And I had thought about running away for years at that point but I was certain he wouldn’t want to leave and – So, I did not talk back, got our clothes and raided part of the kitchen and we hurried into his car and then he drove. Away. We did not know where, just that we’d leave the state and then see how further. I know it was stupid and unplanned but we were at the end of our wits and it felt good to get away. It felt good to feel free.”

Remus eyed Patton’s hand close to his own. He wanted to hold it. Needed to hold it almost felt like. And promptly Remus reached for Patton’s hand and took it. He took a wavery breath and quickly met eyes with Patton before he continued.

“Then – Well, it was not Roman’s fault. He was not on his phone and he was not driving too fast. He never did. Something was wrong with the car, which was weird because he just had it checked by the mechanic like a few weeks before but. In a curve, something malfunctioned, Roman never could explain me what it was, but we went over the edge and the whole car rolled over several times. Something made a terribly loud sound close to my ears and I lost my orientation for a good bit. Blacked out or something. When I was back again the car stood still and was upright and I somehow manged to yank open the door and I stumble outside. My head hurt like a bitch and I realized that there was still the strange noise and I cursed and I couldn’t hear myself properly.”

Sighing. With his right Remus touched his hearing aid and looked to the cane next to Janus. Something he had to rely on no matter how much he did not want to rely on it.

“I later was told that hearing loss could develop from inner ear concussions after strong whiplashes and such. I was lucky enough to have just that. And I felt sick and was freaked out as fuck, because Roman had no longer been sitting next to me. He – he must have been yanked out of the car through the broken windshield and I started looking around for him.

> “I found him a little upwards the hill. He was full of cuts, probably from the glass shreds, a huge one from the right of his forehead over the top of it and there was blood sticking to him everywhere. It looked grotesque, all the blood smeared in the grass, sticking and soaking out of such a little body. When I got closer, I saw bruises and then looked if something was sticking out of him or turned in the wrong direction. Nothing was sticking out and … to my relief I found that he was still faintly breathing.”

Remus stopped again. He looked up. He gulped and watched Janus on the other side of the table. The unbelieving and mortified look in his eyes. Remus chuckled without any humour in it.

“Yeah, I looked like that too. Also, it doesn’t help that we really looked so much alike, so seeing myself kinda bleeding out’s an awfully not fun experience. Anyway, I then took my phone, which somehow had survived all of it safely in my pocket and called 911 because it was the only number I remembered. I told them to stay on the phone, that I could not hear them, because my ears rang like shit, that I was in car crash, that my brother was bleeding out and where we roughly went off the road. That they were not to contact our parents because they would possibly kill me or not come at all which both was shitty and I talked to the phone for a few minutes before I started walking back to the car and got a jacket out, I then threw over Roman. So, he wouldn’t get any colder and stuff. Because I didn’t dare to move him and then I climbed up to the road and waited for the ambulance to come.”

Remus knew he should not be smiling. But he was and the pictures from Roman laying there almost lifeless in front of him shot in front of his eyes again. It was not fun. No laughing matter. But the smile was there nevertheless. And he could not force it away.

A hand was put on the small on Remus’s back and he yanked his head towards Patton. He smiled at him so very gently and Remus felt his grin falter. Felt his expression turn sad and Patton’s arm pull him towards the other. Remus let him do so and gave into the side hug. It was weird to feel alive. It was weird to feel held and warm.

“I would have tried to end it right there and then if he hadn’t been breathing. I would have,” Remus mumbled and to his surprise he got an agreeing response.

“I get that and nobody could fault you for that, Remus. Nobody possibly could fault you for it,” Patton said quite clearly and Remus let those words sink in for a moment.

“That must be such a fuck up thing for the two of you. No wonder Roman did not want to drive back home,” Virgil said after a while and Remus sat up.

He looked at the young man in front of him and sadly shook his head. It was hard to admit but Remus was alone with his memory. Helplessly alone even.

“He doesn’t remember any of it,” Remus started saying and gulped as he felt Patton’s hand sliding away from his side back into his hand and intertwining their fingers helplessly together. “He was in a coma for three days after it. I spent the time learning this fucking chart by heart and was as much in his room as I could, while they had me checked up and asked for our information. They didn’t know what was wrong exactly with him, save for the few bruises, burns, cuts and four cracked rips. They didn’t find anything when they had a closer look of his head, but they weren’t sure when he’d wake up. Eventually, he did on day three and immediately requested to see me and first thing he wanted to do was to stand up and know what was wrong with me and stuff. The day after, to everybody’s surprise and displeasure he _did_ stand up and walked around to ask people where we’d find an ear specialist and someone who could teach us ASL.”

Remus paused and massaged the bride of his nose before he let out an airy laugh.

“Some nurses and I eventually got him back to bed and we could convince him to stay there for a week or so. Then things were temporarily settled and we were brought to foster parents. I had some bruises from my Dad on me which were enough to convince them to not send us home again and that’s how we ended up with an okay couple and their daughter and son for a year or so. It wasn’t really good. I was struggling with not understanding what was going on around me and we had nothing left. Nowhere to turn to. Roman meanwhile learnt ASL and taught me as much as he could and well, he then – basically did everything which led us to be here.”

Remus made a wide, cantilevered gesture and pointed to the room around them. He looked to this room, which was so much bigger than anything he ever thought he could own. And it was just their living room. Just the place they were meant to watch TV together and eat. Just this room alone was so much more than Remus ever dreamed of possessing.

“What do you mean by he did everything? What exactly did he do?”

Remus turned back to Janus. Remus blinked and chuckled a little.

“He got us an apprenticeship as florists when we turned eighteen and learnt about flowers and plants despite never really being passionate about it. He signed me up for all the doctor’s appointment I needed to go to get my ears checked out properly and helped me get a credit for the hearing aids. He got a stupid van where we lived in for a few months and sold flowers from before we could afford the first place we started from.”

Janus looked like he wanted to cut Remus off but Remus continued talking as if he hadn’t seen Janus wanting to cut him off.

“And he did so, while throwing his whole fucking life away. He didn’t try to pursue his dream of Broadway, he didn’t have friends anymore but me and he still acts as if it was nothing. As if I had not fucking ruined his life, as if I hadn’t fucking stolen his life in exchange for continuing to live mine. And I know it’s not this easy and shit, but for fuck’s sake; He made this, he accomplished this on his own! He can live on his own. He doesn’t need me for this nonsense.”

A moment of silence followed and Remus shivered. It was getting later and his bare feet were getting kinda cold. It didn’t matter. He deserved it.

“This ‘nonsense’ meaning life I assume?”

Remus shot a glare to Janus and shrugged pointlessly looking away.

“I doubt that he would agree with you calling your lives ‘nonsense’-” “He wouldn’t.” “-but nevertheless, I have a suspicion that you are not giving yourself enough credit for what you did here.”

Remus laughed. Why would someone ever say this about him? Why would Janus-What-is-your-problem-with-me say this of all people?

Yet before Remus could say that Virgil took his chance and said: “Uncle J’s right for once. Like, this here is not something any person I know could manage to make on their own. You said you did nothing but, like, you learnt about all of these flowers too. You work every fucking day, despite wanting to end it? And how long has it been since the accident now?”

“Nine years,” Remus said his throat feeling incredibly dry.

“Nine fucking years! You didn’t kill yourself for nine fucking years, Remus. You, you are here! You own a house; you have your own store and you did this with your brother! He was so miserable when he learnt what you did and you must know that he’s not doing well either. You two kept each other alive for so long, which isn’t – isn’t really good or okay in – in a way, but it’s outstanding and definitely not nothing! You say he can do this on his own, but you know he can’t. Of all the people who know him you must know that better than anyone else. I know, I’ll make sure of it even, that Roman won’t be left alone, but he’s – he’s not ready to let you go. Not any time soon.”

Remus did not want to hear that. He knew it was right. He really did. He had known for so long that Roman wasn’t ready. That he possibly would never be ready.

“But I am so tired. I just. I don’t want anymore. I can’t anymore. I just don’t want to have to do this anymore. To continue suffering. I want it to stop…”

Remus didn’t know when the last time had been when he cried. He hadn’t known that he still was alive enough to even cry. To laugh, certainly. To joke, always. To flirt, every day.

But to cry?

No, he had believed that those times had long been over.

And yet here he was. Crying in his own living room, surrounded by people, who in all honesty wanted him to stay alive despite not knowing him for much longer than a month.

The weirdly thin arms of the beanpole were draped across Remus’s shoulder and he realized for a tiny fraction of a second that he smelled like cat food and that that somehow smelled very delicious and then took the embrace needily.

Remus wasn’t sobbing and whimpering like Roman, just a few tears and a bit of sniffling but not much more. He got lost in the contact, in the delight of being touched, of being held and when a second pair of arms was put around him, he could have melted on the spot. Even more so when he sensed Patton’s scruffy chin shortly brush over his shoulder as the man pulled him towards himself. Patton was holding him. Patton was holding him and it was so unspeakably nice to be held by him.

It shouldn’t be. Remus wanted (he didn’t) to pull away. But severing their contact, losing Patton’s touch, felt like flames burning his skin. He had to let go but he didn’t want to.

“It’s okay, Remus. It’s okay. I’ll hold you as long as you want me to.”

And Remus did that. For the first time in a long while he let himself have what he wanted. He let himself be held and be warm for a few moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! New chapter, I hope you enjoyed it and thank you so much for reading!
> 
> Let me know what you thought and please, take care and have a nice day❤️


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Warning: There is slight implication of self-deprecating behaviour of Remus and Roman. Also there is talk of a nightmare, but no actual description of it.**

Patton felt Remus shiver in his arms and realized that it had gotten a little chillier. Not that it bothered him, Patton liked it quite a bit when the temperatures dropped, but the man in his arms seemed to be quite uncomfortable especially judging by how much he had started to bury himself in Patton’s chest. As if he was trying to absorb the warmth from the tattoo artist.

“Hey buddy? Are you cold?” Patton asked and felt Remus nestle closer into the crook of his neck.

“Doesn’t matter,” came the mumbled response and Patton had to repress a sigh.

“Yes, it does. Where do you have a blanket?”

Remus slightly pulled away from Patton and glanced around the room. As he did so he visibly shivered for all to see. That prompted Logan to get up, take off his jacket and throw it in Remus’s direction. It obviously was too small but Patton draped it over Remus’s shoulders so that he was at least a little warmer.

What Remus was to do with all this kindness and care he did not know. He just held the hem of Logan’s jacket and looked to the small man standing beside him. Logan threw him a judging look and Remus needed a second until he realized that he hadn’t said anything in a while.

“Gracias.”

Logan exchanged a look with Patton and turned towards the living room to see if he could find something better than his jacket to keep Remus warm.

“You’re welcome,” Logan said to Remus while looking around and acknowledging the unorganized room they found themselves in.

Behind Logan a chair creaked and he turned to see Remus perking up. He had untangled himself from Patton and was nestling into the cloth from Logan. He shot Logan a short look and stood up as well, walking towards a box next to the worn-down couch.

“We might have something inside this one,” Remus commented and crouched down in front of the box.

Logan watched him open it and take out several random knickknacks. He knew he was an overly orderly person, so his standards for cleanliness and order were rather different from what other people might consider orderly, and that after a move it was quite usual to have some things not unpacked even after a month but to still have boxes laying around in the living room of all places seemed rather odd to him. Then Remus made a little triumphant noise and he pulled out an old, ratty-looking blanket.

Logan furrowed his brows as Remus handed him back his jacket, with a tiny bit reluctance, and then draped the blanket over his shoulder. The question of how clean this blanket could possibly be popped up in Logan’s mind, before he noticed Remus’s bare feet and instead made a search for a pair of slippers or socks which might be laying around somewhere.

Remus watched him curiously but before he got to ask Janus caught his attention with the question: “Not to be disrespectful, I’ve moved into new apartments myself, and things tend to not unpack itself, but how exactly do you explain that this looks still as if you had moved in only yesterday and just put down the most important furniture? Especially, considering of how nicely decorated your shop is.”

“Ah, well,” Remus mumbled and scratched the back of his neck, “Ro likes to have a clean and nice presentation. And it’s good for business. And we’re kinda not used to have so much space to spread out. You wouldn’t want to know how long we just slept in the backrooms of the shops we’ve rented!”

Remus laughed awkwardly and avoided the looks from the others. He never got embarrassed. There was nothing Remus would be ashamed of. At least that was what he thought until now. As it turned out in this very moment, having people around who cared about him and he cared about, awakened inhibitions Remus hadn’t known he possessed.

“And, you know, setting up the shop was very exhausting. Ro always talked about it as setting the stage and all. And this here’s the backstage and a backstage ’s always messy, isn’t it?” Remus tried to derail the conversation.

Yet his move did not work. Janus shook his head and gesticulated agitated: “But your life is not a play! You are real people! You deserve a clean and welcoming living space to retire after a long work day! Not something dysfunctional like this!”

“It is functional,” Remus retorted tiredly. “The kitchen is fully equipped and the clothes are also put away. And we have all we need to live. It's fine.”

“No, that’s barely functional, Remus. Not a home where you can feel safe or welcome. And you seem to be lacking some furniture as well. You don’t even have a side table for your TV. And this couch – as much as I am for re-using and upcycling things from thrift stores, this thing looks like a safety hazard.”

Remus watched Janus stare at the couch with disgust and shivered a little. He sighed and rubbed his eyes.

“Look, even your romantic Romeo gets tired at one point and we really did not have the energy to get anything new. We simply never had the need for any of this. We never planned on staying somewhere permanently, so buying actual furniture seemed like a waste of money and time.”

The room fell silent for a moment. Remus felt – something and it was exhausting. Feeling was so exhausting and thinking even more so.

Apparently so exhausting that Remus even missed how Logan had walked up to him and then nudged him in the upper arm. Confused Remus blinked his eyes open and eyed the pair of slippers Logan held up in his hands. They were red and fluffy. Roman’s. But Roman was in bed, thus probably would not mind him wearing them. So, Remus took them and dropped them on the floor to slip into them.

“It is alright, Remus.”

Remus shook his head and furrowed his brows. He had lost his train of thoughts and watched Logan confused.

Logan seemed to pick up on his struggle and explained: “It is fine that you both are exhausted. It is fine you did not have the energy to buy new furniture and decorate. It is not something we can fix right now, so let us focus on the things we can fix now. Getting you comfortable as a starter.”

“Oh. Okay. Yeah,” Remus muttered.

Logan raised his eyebrow.

“Are you more comfortable?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah! It’s better. I’m warmer.”

Remus adjusted the blanket around his shoulders and looked at Logan. It was pretty quiet Remus thought and looked to the others at the table. They watched him and he felt weird. He didn’t know if he liked this many eyes on him right now. He hadn’t asked for attention and this started to get rather uncomfortable.

“Is- Are there too many people in this room for you?” Virgil asked.

Remus licked his lips. This was childish and silly. Of course, it was. He was a childish and silly person and it had never bothered him before. Why did it bother him now though?

“Then that is my cue to go. I’m sorry for imposing so long, Remus. Listen to the kid, he’s better at mental health stuff than he lets on,” Janus said as he stood up with a little difficulty.

He met eyes with Remus and something fell into place. Some sort of an unspoken agreement was made and both gave the other a meaningful nod. Janus then turned to Virgil and told him that he’d open the store in the morning and he could come whenever he could. Meanwhile, Logan folded his jacket over his arm and walked over to Patton. They quickly exchanged some words; Patton gave Logan the key back he still had and then Logan turned back towards Remus.

Logan took a small breath and said to Remus: “I’ll take my leave as well. I really would have offered to stay, but I have a few new books come in in the morning, which I have to receive personally. Please, take care and don’t feel ashamed to ask for help. The offer stands.”

Remus just nodded and watched how Logan walked towards the door, Janus following him. As Janus passed by, in a reflex Remus grabbed for his hand and Janus halted immediately.

“You know,” Remus said after a moment of hesitation, “he forgives far too easily. And he’s really into you. If you can, please make him care about his sorry ass. He deserves it.”

Janus observed him for a moment. Remus let go of his arm and Janus clicked his tongue and raised his eyebrows, before he settled back into a neutral expression.

“I am not responsible for his well-being, Remus. I can only do so much.”

“Yeah, I know. I didn’t tell you that you have to, though. Just if you can. He wouldn’t want to be a burden. And I don’t want people to get involved because of pity or something. I don’t want you to overexert yourself for us.”

Janus lifted one eyebrow and Remus cackled a bit.

“Don’t give me that look! I’m not heartless,” Remus said and shoved Janus in the chest.

Sceptical Janus rubbed his chest and replied unamused: “It was you who said you don’t care about me. So, excuse my surprise.”

“I’m not unteachable a more observant than most people think, bowler hat. I revised my opinion, when I saw your heartbroken look as Ro apologized to you before. You’ve fallen just as hard and I think you’d want to know that you’re able to help him if you wanted to. Just think about it.”

Remus’s grin was wide as the Cheshire cat’s and Janus stared at him with wide eyes before he turned around and walked towards the door with a short goodbye thrown over his shoulder. Patton hurried up and said he’d close the door behind them and be right back and at once Remus was alone with Virgil and felt hollow again. He shivered a little and after a few moments Virgil stood beside him.

“Uncle J might say it’s a safety hazard but I’m not against sitting on the couch. Looks a little comfier and less formal than the table, right?” Virgil gently suggested as he towered over Remus.

Remus blinked temporarily awed by the height of the man before he registered the words and simply walked over to the couch and flopped down. Virgil laughed awkwardly and sat down next to him pulling his long legs close to the couch. Remus watched him fiddle with the seams of his shirt and felt it somewhat calming.

“You’re really good at reading him.”

“J-anus?”

Virgil snickered and Remus smiled lazily at the laugh he got out of him.

“I like your braids. Does it take long to make them?” Remus asked out of nowhere and had to stop his hand midway in the air on reaching further to tussle Virgil’s hair.

Virgil raised an eyebrow, the expression not unlike Janus’s, and seemed a little taken aback by the sudden topic change. But he caught himself soon and explained that no, he didn’t take that long to make the braids, since he made them quite often and sometimes got the help from Janus to make them.

“Did you try to derail the topic from my uncle just now?” Virgil asked after he had stopped talking about his hair.

Remus shrugged and leaned his on top of the back rest.

“Not really,” he answered, “it just crossed my mind. So, I asked. Your uncle’s just a dramatic bitch like Ro for what I’m concerned. He just has a lower base energy level I’d say. And he seems more focused on himself. And the way they close themselves off from others is a little different but in general they are rather similar, which makes it pretty easy for me to read him.”

Virgil gaped at Remus. That was such a comically astute observation that it left him speechless. He hadn’t met anyone before who was so quick to see through Janus. And it was even an oddly precise observation. He never would have guessed that Remus could do that.

“How fun. People speechless because of me but not because I am off-putting but because I’m observant. Hurray!” Remus relished with little joy.

The tone was not meant to be hurtful, just a statement but Virgil caught on quickly that his astonishment had hit Remus in the wrong way and his thoughts raced. How could he make it up to him? How could he explain that he was not shocked but really impressed?

But Virgil didn’t get the chance to excuse himself. The sound of the door opening pulled his attention towards it and he saw Patton re-entering the room. The tattoo artist waved and walked towards them.

“They’re off now. Jay told me that you can call him anytime and he’d get you, by the way,” Patton explained and was about to flop down next to Remus on the couch, when a loud scream echoed through the room.

Remus stood at once and steered single-mindedly down the hallway where Roman had disappeared before. He did not notice how Patton and Virgil followed him. He only focused on hitting the light switches properly so he would be able to see Roman the second he get into his vision. A “thump” noise came from Roman’s room and quick, pressed breathing and stumbling resonated through the open door. And a second later, Remus had not been fast enough to reach the door yet, Roman stumbled outside a look of horror and mortification in his face. Frantically, he looked around, his eyes darting around and in the second they brushed Remus’s form, he launched himself towards him and tackled him into a desperate hug.

Remus had seen it coming and still stumbled a little backwards, hit by the weight and force from his brother. Quick he held him, shooed him, as he whimpered against his form.

“¿Pesadilla?” Remus asked knowing very well that Roman had had a nightmare.

Roman just whimpered. It had to have been a bad one Remus gathered and pressed a soft kiss on top of Roman’s head. Nightmares were a usual occurrence after rough days. Roman had always been prone to get them, even when they had been just kids. But after everything what happened they had become so much worse.

“ _You were gone. Gone. Gone. Go-ne,_ ” Roman sobbed in Spanish and Remus stroked through his hair.

He never knew what to say to that. On one hand he could say that he did not have to worry as he was still here, while on the other hand he really didn’t want to be here anymore.

But what he wanted did not count right now, Remus decided and pulled away a little to stroke the tears away on Roman’s cheeks. He looked so different from him. So much younger and more vulnerable, it felt like.

Remus sighed and waited for Roman to calm a little before he told him: “Did you take a sleeping pill or did you forget? You knew today was upsetting and you’d have miserable dreams, didn’t you?”

Roman opened his mouth and closed it again to watched sheepishly to the floor.

“I forgot where they are.”

Remus pressed his lips together and tried not to focus on how utterly helpless Roman looked like this.

“It’s fine,” Remus reassured Roman with a light pat on the shoulder, “just ask me. I’ll always tell you, no matter how often you forget. They are in the bathroom mirror, top shelf to the right. The green package with the red and orange logo. Go and take one, bien?”

“Bien,” Roman mumbled and walked away towards the room that was apparently the bathroom.

Remus rubbed hands over his face and exhaled loudly. He hated this. Everything about it. Mindlessly he turned around and found himself standing in front of Patton and Virgil, who he had completely forgotten. They stared at him, Patton having terror in his eyes and Virgil looking almost as freaked out as Roman had looked like.

For a moment Remus just watched them and then waved them off. Shook his head and told them: “Don’t think about it too much. This doesn’t happen often.”

And before they could protest Remus pushed them both back down the hallway into the living room. Forcefully, he guided them to sit down on the couch and shot a look over his shoulder all ten seconds to see if Roman was coming back.

“Rem is he fine? What happened?” Patton asked held Remus by the hand.

Remus looked him in the eyes, sighed and motioned him to sit down on the couch. Patton hesitated but there was this look in Remus’s eyes, a pledge so tired and weak yet there, and he could not bring himself to resist any longer. Quietly he sat down, Virgil taking a seat to his left and Remus sitting down on the other side.

In a hushed tone, quick and careful Remus then said without looking at either of them: “Nightmare. Probably about me being gone. Don’t talk about it in front of him. He’s self-conscious about it. A lot of pride in that stupid head of his.”

It was still for a moment. Remus had wanted sound a little jokey, a little mockingly annoyed. Not sadly fond. No, not at all. But his voice had betrayed him and they knew now how concerned he was himself. But what was one more revealed secret?

Movement in the edge of his eyesight shook Remus back into reality and he saw Roman standing next to his right. Before he could say anything, the big man flopped down next to him and pulled him into a side hug. He began mumbling something, incoherently and in Spanish, as he buried his head in Remus’s shoulder. Remus huffed and returned the hug. He let him settle down by his side and shot a glance over to Patton and Virgil.

Almost inaudibly Remus told them: “Give him a moment.”

Both nodded and watched how within less that two minutes Roman fell back asleep against his brother’s side. It was almost peaceful. Almost cute. And they let it linger, this tiny, little moment of hope in this dark, moonless night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm still on my stuff!
> 
> I'm already excited for the next one! There we should get to the end of this night and get a little insight of Patton past (with a little bit of Patton angst😬)
> 
> Anyway, please take care and have a wonderful day❤️


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Warning: Past self-harm by Patton through cutting!**
>
>>   
> The scene where Patton reveals his cutting scars will be marked like this so you might skip it if you need to.  
> 

A little snore came from Roman, which quickly quieted down into a soft breathing in and out. Remus held him for a good while, none of the three speaking. At once Remus began to raise his voice, face turned away from Patton and Virgil. He sounded a bit sad, a bit wary but yet he was speaking and told them quietly: “I haven’t seen him in such a bad state in a while… Screaming doesn’t usually happen.”

“Well, I’d be having terrible nightmares as well if one of my cousins or uncles and aunts would have tried to kill themselves,” Virgil retorted and Remus turned back to look at him.

Virgil regretted his words on the spot. The guilt in Remus’s eyes was soul crushing and speechless Virgil gulped and looked down to his lap unable to think of anything that could excuse what he just had said.

“It’s not your fault that you feel like this, Remus. Roman knows and so do we. Don’t make yourself responsible for feeling the way you do.”

Patton’s voice was calm and kind. His whole personality had always seemed so soothing to Remus and he could barely comprehend it. Could barely understand how one single man could fit so much compassion and sympathy in his chest. Remus forced a smile and ruffled Roman’s hair. He did not budge and Remus sighed.

“Maybe it’s because he made me sleep in the same bed after the last time when it happened… So, he was sure that I was still there and all that. After all, there was nobody but him to keep an eye on me. He had to rely on himself. And now I wasn’t next to him, so that might have freaked him out additionally,” Remus mused more to himself than the others.

Patton furrowed his brows and pressed his lips together while watching Roman sleeping against Remus’s side. He had done the math when Remus had said they were seventeen at the time when the accident happened and that it has been nine years ago. The twins were twenty-six. Young adults, only in their mid-twenties and already had to vigorously fight for themselves to even get a standing in the word. It felt so wrong to Patton. That they went through so much pain and injustice.

“You know I love him,” Patton was suddenly ripped out of his train of thoughts by Remus speaking up, “but he gets fucking heavy after a while. Help me getting him back to bed? I’m not sure I can carry him there on my own.”

For a moment Patton’s brain completely blanked until Virgil got up with a huff and walked over to Roman’s other side. Perplexed Patton watched how Remus repositioned himself and grabbed his brother under his arms before looking up to Virgil and asking doubtfully: “You sure there’s some muscles on those wimpy arms of yours? He’s not a light-weight after all.”

“I could ask you the same. You look just as wimpy as me,” Virgil countered deadpanned and grabbed Roman by the legs.

Remus chuckled a little and mumbled under his breath: “Touché. Now let’s get him back to bed.”

With that Remus hefted Roman up and with Virgil’s help carried him towards the hallway. To Remus’s luck Virgil was indeed stronger than he looked and they had little problem to get his sleeping brother back to his room. Swiftly Remus ordered Virgil to walk backwards inside and wanted to carefully lay him down on bed when Virgil suddenly stood still and uttered perplexed: “The fuck?”

Remus blinked confusedly until he realized that the young man stared at the mattress on the floor and rolled his eyes annoyed.

“Where’s the bed frame? Where’s the rest of the bed, Remus?” Virgil asked again to what Remus only sighed.

“He’s got a mattress. A new one even! That’s ought to count for something right? Also, can we please just lay him down? He’s getting heavy.”

Virgil glared at Remus but helped him putting Roman down on the mattress and waited with saying anything until Remus had tucked Roman in and shooed him and Patton out of the room. With a pout Virgil turned around and started to walk back into the living room, Remus following him with a sigh Patton in tow. Virgil was upset and let Remus know as much when he stared at him the second, they were all back in the living room.

With an offloading gesture Virgil then said to Remus: “Why does he not have a proper bed, Remus? And do you sleep on a mattress as well? Why did you not-”

“We don’t know how to do that!”

Remus’s voice rarely got so loud and agitated. His breath rarely ran so fast. Reflexively, Remus crossed his arms in front of his chest and pressed his fingers into his upper arms.

“We didn’t have the money or the space to buy bed frames for, Virgil,” Remus said so much timider than before. “For the longest time we shared a mattress in the backrooms of the places we rented and only in the last year it was enough to buy two mattresses. I also have an ancient bedframe, which was left in this building. I know it’s not enough and that we ought to have got a bedframe for him but we never did that before. All the furniture and equipment we ever bought was for the store. Never for us. There was no money to get something like that for us. We haven’t done that and it’s - it’s weird to start doing it now? I know it shouldn’t be, it’s not so different from what we already did, but it is and I don’t know how to do it now.”

Virgil gulped and looked down to his shoes. Anger and frustration never helped improving someone’s mental health. At least it had never done himself any good. He remembered the frustrated hisses from his younger cousins when he failed to speak up for himself, the out-worn patience of his mother when he had yet again come home with bruises from other kids or a failed assignment due to his inabitly to speak in front of people.

“Sorry,” Virgil said slightly looking up and watching Remus tiredly scratch the back of his neck, “I should have been more compassionate. Like, I struggle with so many basic tasks, it’s terribly hypocritical of me to judge you for this.”

Remus just shrugged in response and stared down to the floor. He did not really care anymore. Caring took a lot out of him and usually it was all already spent on Roman. Today he didn’t have it in himself to care much more, Remus believed and instead let himself lean back and rested his head on the back lean of the couch.

“You should tell your uncle that I do not expect him to fix Ro... I know it’s a fuckton of work and that he’s a stubborn bitch. I’m not sure if I’ve been clear enough for him,” Remus said at once and he heard a muffled noise which he decided was probably a huff or chuckle.

“I think his problem with you is that you’re too direct for him, not too unclear” Virgil said and Remus grinned a little.

People had told him that his whole life. Too straightforward, which was rather ironic considering how queer he was, and too loud and inappropriate. But then again, he really did not know many children who had such intimate knowledge of human bowels that they could recreate inner organs with felt and sew them into a teddy bear, which they then ripped open dramatically at the weekly show-and-tell back in first grade. His teacher had screamed and many children had run away in fear, while Remus was laughing and having the time of his life. Well, until they had called his mother and he had to write an apology letter for the class. Writing apology letters, well writing in general really, wasn’t his strong suit and Roman had helped him come up with something, despite having been one of the kids who had screamed the loudest. Roman had always been an easy scare. Sometimes a little too easy to still be fun for Remus actually. It was why he had stopped making him his victim but his partner in crime. Which was really fun because no one ever was able to tell them apart and people could easily be messed with when they were uncertain to which twin, they were speaking to or didn’t know one of them even was a twin. That had led to the whole prank with June Bittenbinder, which was up to this day one of proudest pranks Remus had ever pulled.

Revelling in memories Remus hadn’t noticed the ratty blanket being thrown over his legs or that Patton’s arm brushed his from time to time. Only when he heard a little snicker, Remus closed his mouth (wait why was his mouth open in the first place?) and looked to his left where Patton sat and giggled.

“That poor girl! You two really had it out for her,” Patton said gently to Remus’s confusion and he blinked several times.

About what was Patton talking? Remus wanted to ask but found himself rubbing his neck and realizing how dry his throat was. But there was no reason for that, right?

“You did not realize you were rambling, did you?”

Patton patted Remus’s upper arm and Remus leaned against the touch. He frowned and looked down to his knees before he looked back up again to meet Patton’s dirty brown eyes, pulling at something in Remus’s soul he hadn’t known he even possessed.

“I didn’t? I was talking?” Remus asked meekly and watched how Patton’s eyebrow twitched a little as his expression grew a little sadder.

Patton’s hand stayed on Remus’s shoulder and the small, far too cute smile remained on Patton’s face, something Remus was so grateful for.

“You were,” Patton said patiently and motioned with his chin to Virgil huddled against his shoulder fast asleep, “quite a bit even. It seemed like you needed to get it out of your system and so I let you talk and stopped Virgil from disrupting you. I believe, he found your voice quite soothing.”

Blankly, Remus stared at the young man sleeping leaned against Patton’s side. People didn’t find him soothing. They didn’t like him talking. Even less rambling.

“And I liked it too. Quite a bit so even. You’ve got a fascinating way of telling stories, Remus. I enjoyed it a lot.”

Remus let himself gaze at Patton and pulled the blanket on his knees up. With a sigh he nuzzled himself against the fabric and took a few breathes before he decided to speak again.

“Thank you, I guess. I didn’t even notice that my lips were moving. Or that time had passed…”

“It’s alright. It’s not like we’re in a rush…”

An agreeing hum. Silence set itself over them.

“You didn’t hear me.”

Remus grinned a little and just glanced to Patton. He met his look firmly.

“You didn’t hear me when I called for you to wait for me. So, why? Why did you not jump?”

A tiny exhale mixed with the ghost of a chuckle.

“Oh Poppy. Just because my head’s cruel to me doesn’t mean it doesn’t work at all. I saw you running. I knew you were coming for me. You were going to blame yourself if I hadn’t been standing up there anymore. And I won’t make you feel responsible for my suicide. I’m not that mean.”

The silence wrapped itself around them. They sat so close and were yet so far away it seemed. Remus let his thumb brush over the side of his pointer finger and felt himself breath in and out for a while. His throat was dry and he decided that he might want to drink a coffee.

Softly Remus put the blanket down and nudged Patton in the arm.

“Coffee?”

Patton nodded and watched Remus stand up and disappear in the kitchen. His words stuck with Patton. ‘Poppy’ rang in his ears and he rearranged himself so Virgil looked more comfortable in his position against him. He listened to the water boiling in the kettle and how mugs were sat down on the counter. Remus was not exactly quiet while doing his chores and Patton felt almost a little stupid for not noticing sooner that something might have been off about Remus’s hearing.

“Milk? Sugar?” it came from the kitchen.

“Both! Three teaspoons of sugar please!”

Patton heard a quiet hum and then Remus soon showed up with two cups in his hands. Gingerly he placed one with a rainbow in front of him while keeping his own cup in his hands. Patton looked at it and it seemed to be some cheap merchandise from Ursula from The Little Mermaid. Tentacles. Really fit his aesthetic.

“I get why Roman is so scared at the prospect of losing you…” Patton said quietly but loud enough so Remus could still hear him. “But I also understand why you … you would want to hurt yourself. Maybe not to the extent you want to, but I get it. I’ve been there.”

Patton paused and let his eyes linger on Remus’s face. Sorrow, surprise, disbelieve. He had seen it all before but somehow now they seemed to matter more. Matter more coming from a man who had tried to jumping from a rooftop today. Matter more coming from the man he had stopped from jumping from a rooftop today.

“I… I don’t have a lot of close family,” Patton said feeling his voice waver but pushing through, “only my parents. They were supportive. Always. Even when it meant cutting off ties with their families who were unsupportive of who I was. And I am grateful for that every day of my life. I truly am. My mother did so much for me and – Let’s not go into that. She, she really was amazing and then she got sick when I was nineteen. It got down so quickly; I barely knew what was happening. And then from one day to the other she was just – gone.”

Patton licked his lips and grabbed his right forearm.

“I didn’t take it well. In fact – I was miserable. And so desperately lonely and in so much pain. I did not know what to do with myself so I – I got destructive.”

>   
> Patton let go of his arms and softly placed his hands at the hem of his shorts. Quickly he exchanged a look with Remus, before he then pulled the fabric up and revealed the skin beneath. Revealed some faint, some not so faint looking scars from cuts over the inner side of Patton’s thigh. Some of them were quite long, others shorter and piled on top of each other. Wordlessly, Patton rolled his shorts back down and exhaled for a moment.  
> 

Patton felt a shiver run down his spine. It was not easy for him to admit his weaknesses. His flaws and mistakes.

A hand on his shoulder. Patton turned his head and saw Remus levelling his look and pressing his lips together.

For this it was worth it.

“I was doing this for around half a year. That’s how long I could hide it. Then I worried my friends from college so much that they called my Dad and he had me take a timeout. Had me go to therapy after ages of discussing and fighting and me claiming that it was for naught anyway. That it would not change anything as it could not bring her back. But after a while of me going, well, it did change things.”

“It fixed you?”

Remus’s voice sounded full of doubt and the look in his eyes clearly showed the scepticism in his word, which made Patton grin a little.

“No, it didn’t. It helped me though. A lot. I stopped cutting and my therapist advised me to pick up something to do instead, among other things of course. For me that was drawing. I became pretty good at it and it eventually helped me get into my current career after I dropped out of college. And there are still times when I need help. I can go months without a meeting but then out of nowhere I feel old thoughts, old patterns appeal to me again. Then I go and make an appointment just to talk it out and recentre myself.”

Patton paused and squeezed his hands together for a moment. Then he entangled them and put one hand on Remus’s which was still residing on his shoulder.

Faithfully, Patton looked at Remus and said sincerely: “I know this sounds unrealistic and not true to you, but I believe that therapy would help you, Remus. Roman will not be able to heal you neither will the others or I. But I believe you can get better. I believe you could be happier. I know you deserve it and I think you should consider trying it at least.”

Remus gulped. Patton watched the micro-expressions of his face change in a hart beat, the thought supposedly running through his head. Patton still held his hand and he felt it twitching and let go of it only for Remus to take it again a second after. They look at each other, having a conversation, pleading at one another to just listen and hopefully accept what they asked the other.

“I’m not sure if there even is something salvageable about me anymore…” Remus mumbled.

Patton’s look fell. But his lips were still kept in a smiling position and Remus sighed. For him he forced himself to remain positive. To remain optimistic.

“But, I guess, considering it isn’t half so bad,” Remus gave in.

There suddenly was warmth. Warmth radiating from Patton’s person and again – this little spark that Remus didn’t think should be there –

Arms were flung around him. Warm, soft arms and breath tickling the nape of his neck. Mechanically, Remus returned the gesture and felt Patton relax in their embrace. Of course. He must have been stressed as hell, if this was his background. And yet he had remained staying here with him. He had shared this with him.

“Thank you, Poppy,” Remus mumbled in Patton’s hair and patted his back soothingly. “It means a lot to me. And I’m sorry for your loss.”

They stayed like that for a few more minutes before Patton moved a little and asked for a second blanket to tuck Virgil in. After a five-minute search the eventually found a second one and Virgil was tucked in, they sat back down nipping at their coffees and let the silence of the night sit in between them.

That was until Remus said, rubbing his shoulder softly against Patton’s: “I probably shouldn’t pry but who else knows about them? Like around whom do I watch my mouth?”

Patton glanced up and shook his head a little, distracting himself from the thoughts occupying his mind.

“I think Logan knows… I haven’t really said it but he knows me from high school and he knew something was different when we met again and I dropped some hints and he’s really smart so. He probably knows. And well, uhm-” Patton broke off and glanced over to Virgil with a flush so dark that Remus could see it despite the dim light.

Curiously Remus smirked and nudged Patton in the side while asking: “I’m sensing a scandalous confession coming, sugar puff. Spill the tea~”

Patton coughed a little to hide his embarrassment a little before admitting: “I, uh, Janus knows about the scars because he kinda saw themwhenweslepttogether.”

Patton was steeling himself for a mocking comment but nothing came. Cautiously, he looked to Remus and suddenly realized that he probably had not understood what he had rambled so quickly. Apologetically, he scratched the back for his neck and took a deep breath so he could try again.

“We had a one-night stand, soon after we met. Well, like on the night we met actually. He didn’t comment on them though, so I don’t know what exactly he gathered out of it.”

Carefully Patton watched Remus’s expression. First it was blank, then it turned into something more impressed to Patton’s surprise.

“Respect. He’s an attractive guy, so I cannot fault you for it. But how on earth did that whole meeting go down?” Remus asked.

Unbelievingly Patton stared at him before he broke into a giggle and started to tell Remus the story of the night, he and Logan had met Janus, leaving the darker topics slip in the back of their minds for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I didn't manage to finish this chapter for so long! It just didn't want to cooparate with me so please excuse the wait.
> 
> If you are in need to talk about the new asides episode ... talk to me. Hit me up on my tumblr [mimssides](https://mimssides.tumblr.com/). I'll be there for you^^
> 
> Anyway, thank you for sticking around and please take care and have a wonderful Sunday❤️


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Warning: Small mention of kids being bullied, a fight, losing a tooth during a fight and the mention of blood!**

Logan was checking the shelves for books which had been put back in the wrong place, when he heard a knock on the door. Stiffly, he turned to see what person wanted to come into his shop before he had officially opened. And then he saw. Quick he was up on his feet and shuffled to the door, pulling it open and letting in an entirely exhausted looking Patton.

“Good morning Mr. Fojtík. Sorry, for the early visit but I wanted to come and check on you after – Well, after last night, I guess,” Patton greeted him with a far too tired smile.

Logan sighed and stood to the side for Patton to enter. With no words Patton settled himself into an armchair close to the crime section, while Logan shuffled around some more and eventually took a seat next to Patton on the armchair next to his and put two mugs down on the little table between them. Grateful Patton nodded and then took a little sip from his cup, happy to taste the lavender flavour he liked so much.

For a few moments they just sat in peace. They had an understanding, a grasp of one another. They knew both how much this had affected them. They got the notion that both of them were struggling with aspects of the events, which the other could not understand or know about. That they were fighting with different demons but still appreciated the other being there. That to some extent, they even needed someone else to be here, so they would not spiral too much into their respective black holes.

Logan took a sip from his own cup and then sighed lengthily. He looked over to his friend and he returned his gaze with a wavery smile.

“How did you fare? Did you get some sleep?” Logan asked eventually and set his cup back down on the table between them.

Now it was Patton’s turn to sigh before he answered: “We did what we could and I think that went pretty okay all things considered. Remus and me didn’t sleep though.”

“And Virgil did?” Logan asked with raised eyebrows.

“Funnily enough, yes, he did indeed. Happened when he was listening to Remus ramble for a good twenty minutes about everything and nothing. It’s quite the experience to hear him talk to himself...”

There was short pause in which Logan contemplated on what to ask next. What was the right point to press on right now, without upsetting Patton too much.

“What exactly do you mean about everything and nothing? Something concerning?”

“Oh no!” Patton exclaimed to Logan’s relief. “It mostly was some anecdotes about him and Roman pranking people. When they were younger, you know. They sounded like minor trickster deities, to be honest.”

“I have no doubt they were astoundingly notorious among their peers.”

“Yeah, I’m sure they were. Just two boys who couldn’t quite fit in. Just like us, am I right?”

Patton and Logan shared a look. They had never really admitted that out loud. It had always just been something between them that they just understood. Just got about the other. Saying it out loud now felt like they had taken a step further in their relationship.

“I guess you are,” Logan said with a neutral tone to quiet the loud heartbeat in his ears. “Was this all you talked about? Or could you, you know…?”

“Talk with him to about going to therapy? I guess, I at least got him to consider it. He promised me so much… And then he just teased me about the thing I had with, uhm, you know, J, and I got flustered a lot and accidentally woke Virgil up. Which led to Virgil being a little grumpy and then kinda amused when he found out that it was about that little night and he started kinda gossiping about Janus’s other, uh, “acquaintances”. And that took a bit of time and really entertained Remus a lot…”

Logan nodded along and drank a little more of his tea, trying to not let himself get annoyed by the mention of Patton and Janus’s little “adventure” how the latter always called it. This was about Remus. About this poor man who had suffered for the last nine years and desperately needed help, he was unwilling to get at the moment.

“At least you could provide him a distraction. I am sure he could need it,” Logan told Patton and got a small smile from the latter.

The sat there for a little longer, Patton telling Logan that as Roman had woken up he got ready for work and despite Virgil and his own efforts they could not convince Roman to keep the shop closed for the day. Remus had told them that it was fine and he could use the distraction before they eventually left the twins to themselves and went to their respective homes. Well, before Patton came to Logan but Logan knew what Patton meant.

Their tea was finished and Patton got up with the words that he needed to figure out who to sent to fix the twins’ door and then take a short nap. Logan told him to take it slow for today and asked if he could get him anything for lunch, so he did not have to go and get something for himself. Patton agreed with the most grateful smile and then bid his goodbye.

And so, Logan was left back in his store worried about his old friend and the eccentric but undoubtedly kind florist from next door. Both of them were such emotional and far more fragile individuals than he had initially anticipated and he was not sure how he would be able to support both of them properly through this.

Reality, everyday life caught up to him and he got up to make the rest of the store presentable for customers. A last time he checked his phone and saw the e-mail notification he had impatiently been waiting for. At least a start, he mused and got himself busy.

* * *

With a sigh Remus followed his brother who quickly led both of them around the back to the bookstore and then knocked against the door leading into the backroom of Logan’s Bookberries. It was noon and Remus knew that Roman had not prepared anything for them to eat, neither had he himself. And he felt Roman’s nerves grow shorter and his temper boil. Roman needed space. He needed some distance.

And when the door opened and a slightly confused Logan looked at the both of them Remus felt something within himself relax. He shifted on his feet a bit and then looked to Roman who gestured and then put on a forced smile.

“Hey, Logan!” Remus listened to Roman say and then watched Logan’s mimic grow more neutral, “I didn’t want to impose but do you think you’d have a seat for Remus at your lunch table?”

A little, tiny wrinkle in between Logan’s eyebrows. A short twitch of the edge of Logan’s lips. But it didn’t stop the bookshop owner from answering dutifully.

“It is no bother at all, Roman. You are both welcome to come and eat with us. In fact, I’m positive everyone would like for you two to join us,” Logan said and stood to the side so Roman and Remus could enter.

Roman gave Remus a short look, the latter shrugged and then followed Roman as he entered hastily. At the familiar table Remus saw Patton and Janus already sitting, while Virgil was standing in front of the sink apparently washing an apple. They all looked at them and Remus felt like maggots crawled under his skin but got the image soon out of his head when he noticed Roman clear his throat and watched him instead of focusing on the others.

Forcing himself to look relatively relaxed Roman spoke up and said: “Hello! It’s so good seeing you! Anyway, Logan said it’s fine if I was to leave Remus with you so; Thank you all for that.”

Before any of the other men could interrupt, Roman had already turned around and shot Remus a look. Remus returned a short nod and listened when Roman told him: “Now, please behave and remember the rules!”

“Understood, príncipe.”

“Great. I’ll be off then. I’ll be back when we open in the afternoon. See you then!”

“Sure thing. Drive save and until later,” Remus replied as Roman excited the room in top speed and left the five men back in utter silence.

Remus sighed and walked towards the table. He promptly stopped when he saw Janus stand up with mortification in his eyes and shot him a lazy grin.

“Why are you smiling!?” Janus hissed and Remus causally crossed his arms over his chest. “Why do you let him go on a drive?! Did you – Did he not almost -”

Remus raised his eyebrows. He did not manage to say it. His posture was tense and defensive. He was clearly worried about Roman and apparently, he had admitted that to himself over the night.

“Did he not almost die in a car crash? Yeah, he did actually. But driving calms him, so sit your ass back down on this chair and let him fucking cope,” Remus answered and walked towards Janus.

Lightly Remus put his hand on Janus’s shoulder and pushed him down as he took a seat himself next to the man in the bowler hat. As he sat, he took off his beanie and draped over the back lean of his chair. He didn’t have to hide the hearing aids from them anymore, so why bother and keeping it on when they all knew anyway?

Again, Remus felt all eyes on him, these intense stares and he had to remind himself that they actually weren’t judging him. That they were not trying see though his skull and dissect his thoughts, pick apart his brain, cut off the frontal lobes.

_Take a deep breath Remus and look to the probably still very upset man your brother has a huge crush on_ , he told himself and turned his head to his right to watch Janus’s appalled expression. He almost had to stop himself from laughing over it and instead just grinned and shook his head.

“How are you not worried about him? Driving in a such aggregated state can and might end fatally!” Janus said sharply without his voice raising a bit in volume.

“He wouldn’t drive if he was too upset. That’s why one of you three had to drive home and not him. He never drives when he doesn’t feel up for it.”

Logan, intrigued by that statement, beat Janus to the punch and asked Remus: “I’m sorry for the intrusion but how does driving help Roman to cope? I would have assumed just like Janus did that he would be averse to driving after such a traumatic event.”

“I don’t know exactly, book dragon,” Remus admitted and shrugged a little. “I know I hate sitting in a car and driving makes me antsy and nauseous but not with him. If he’s behind the wheel I just know that whatever happens to us, it won’t be his fault. He doesn’t use his phone at all and rarely listens to music. And he doesn’t speed if that did concern you.”

An airy gasp came from the sink and Remus turned to look at him.

“You… you really are not concerned for him? Like at all?” the emo asked with a big frown.

Remus sighed and looked to the floor, grin still on his lips. Technically, he was always concerned about Roman. Just not about this.

“I’m not now but I was freaked out for sure when he brought it up the first time after the crash,” Remus eventually answered and looked back up to Virgil. “When he asked our foster father if he could take the car for a grocery run. When he allowed it, I insisted on going with him. After the first five minutes I thought I’d piss myself from fear until I saw the look on his face and… He just looked like himself. More so than he had in a while.”

“He looked more like himself?” Virgil said hesitantly and exchanged a look with Remus 

“Yeah, he lost his whole friend group, his social standing. All his free time he spent to be with me, to communicate for me. I was, still am, so bad a reading lips and he was the only person whose facial expressions, whose gestures and body language I just understood. The first time after the accident, when I didn’t feel like a complete and utter outcast anymore was when he talked to me after waking up and I understood him. I just knew what he said. I wasn’t alone on this planet anymore…”

Thoughts rushed through Remus’s mind. Jumped and skipped around. Too quick for Remus himself to follow them truly. And by luck they circled back to the tall man in front of the leaky sink and Remus realized that he hadn’t answered Virgil’s question yet.

“Oh yeah, sorry. Rambling brain. Point I wanted to make. That all took a toll on Ro, which he didn’t want to admit and he started to act and look less like himself, I guess? I noticed it because watching people was something, I did a lot after the crash. And in the car, he looked more content, more at ease. Just more Roman.”

The atmosphere was tense. No one knew what to say after that or wanted to talk now. Patton looked around the round his eyes rested on Remus. Rested on the tiny wrinkles around his lips and beneath his eyes from smiling and grinning so much. On the eyebags and his thin frame. He wanted him to be happy so desperately. But for that to become possible he had to make him feel okay first.

“Then Roman should be fine, right Remus? So, we should help you be fine too and get some food into your belly, or what do y’all think?” Patton asked and met eyes with Remus.

It was as if the temperature of the room was shifting. All nodded, Virgil walked to the table and sat down to Janus’s other side, while Logan got his lunch box from the counter and distributed sandwiches to Patton and Remus and himself to eat. Quietly they ate for a while, letting each other just have a moment to themselves.

“It’s a good sandwich, pocket protector.”

Remus voice interrupted the silently agreed on truce and Logan huffed at the comment.

“I’m sure Roman would disagree,” Logan mumbled frustratedly thinking about the disdain Roman had had in his face when Logan had said that a sandwich was a perfectly reasonable meal for lunch.

“Nah,” Remus said purposefully overhearing the frustration in Logan’s words, “he acts like a food critique sometimes but he kinda eats anything. Like, the food we had some days, street dogs wouldn’t even eat that.”

Logan put the rest of his sandwich down and deadpanned: “That is not comforting to know.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry. I guess it’s not. We didn’t have to eat like that for the last … four years, I think? The first two years were pretty harsh after we got started but then it got better,” Remus tried to talk down the situation and looked into the group to see if he was succeeding.

His eyes ended up resting on Patton, who promptly said hoping to sound not as worried as he felt: “You must have worked very hard to accomplish that. Both of you must have a … well an outstanding work ethic?”

Well, shoot. That had not worked, Remus realized and decided he could as well just be honest with them then.

“You mean overwork ourselves to the point of ruin? That’s a good observation. I would like to think that Roman is getting a little better but looking at the way how he insisted on working today I gather we might have gone a step back. But then again, he’s always been prone to overwork himself for the things he wants. The nights he stayed up long after midnight to perfect the lines he had in school plays were far too many to count.”

“This started in school?” Janus asked with a deep frown.

“Yeah. He’s a model perfectionist. In arts, I mean. And such a drama kid, I can tell you. And somehow he managed to be popular and some of those ‘friends’ were absolute nightmares. With a few exceptions.”

A memory shot through Remus’s head and a laugh escapes his lips. It has been a moment since he had thought about this and even longer since he had such a carefree laugh come out of his chest.

“Sorry, I just remembered something hilarious,” Remus excused himself already awaiting the others to be weirded out.

But that wasn’t the case. At least not for all of them. Patton smiled a little and prompted him happily: “Please share! I’m curious!”

Quickly Remus straightened his back and took a little sip of water before starting to tell his little tale: “So, when we were in sixth grade we went on a school trip and because none of my friends had been allowed on the trip, all were expelled for a prank we pulled but I somehow did not get caught for, it involved water balloons with red water in it and the walls of the gym, I was with Roman and his friends for most of the time. And they were all pretty boring, because it wasn’t the drama kids but some prep-y ones. With the exception for one dude, which Ro had a terrible crush on and was objectively pretty cute and kinda cool. Anyway, Ro did not impress him at all and he seemed pretty bored by the museum we were in which I could not understand because there were a lot of bones and stuffed animals. How can someone be bored when you can watch dead things?! Anyway, then we had lunch and one of the girls, thinking she was doing me a favour did not ignore me for five seconds and asked what I wanted to see next to which I replied: ‘I hope we can go the deep-sea part next. ‘Cause there are squids and they always kraken me up!’.”

Remus watched Patton press his hand over his mouth and continued: “She rolled her eyes but Ro was cracking up and I added: ‘I squid you not they are my absolute favourite!’-” Patton laughed behind his hand and Logan pressed his lips together to stop a snort escape – “The cute boy snickered a little and the other kinds rolled their eyes and I started retelling facts about squids: ‘Did you know that squids have eight arms, which grow back if you cut them off but their two tentacles do not? And they are really important because it is where their suckers are so they can grab things and for the male ones it’s even more important because it acts as their penis!’ I couldn’t say penis though because Roman burst out laughing and water came up his nose and like four girls squeaked in horror, but one who was actually pretty chill as I found out later.”

A Logan had turned away from the table to compose himself, while Patton actually stopped trying to hide his laughter. Virgil just grinned at the story and Janus watched the self-satisfied expression in Remus’s face while he was watching the two gay spectacle wearers.

When both had quieted down a little Janus asked: “And what has this cute boy to do with anything?”

“Oh, yeah!” Remus exclaimed suddenly remembering that part. “He started talking to Roman after that. Before he had thought that Ro was just some stick in the mud like the others but after that they became friends until the end of sixth grade. He went to another school the next year.”

“So, you really always were the troublemaker of the two of you?” Virgil said with a smirk and shot a side-eye to his uncle.

“Absolutely. Which is kinda ironic considering I never got hurt in any of those stunts but Ro lost a fucking tooth in the one time he got into a fight.”

Janus blinked. That could not be right. He could not have heard that right. 

“Pardon me? What?” he asked perplexed.

Remus snickered, wiggled his eyebrows and said with a fat grin plastered over his face: “Didn’t notice that while staring in his lovestruck eyes, lemon boy? His left canine tooth is missing but the gap is really tiny because his jaw was still growing, so it kinda worked out for him.”

“hOW?” Janus exclaimed exasperated.

Apparently, that desperation did not translate to Remus as he just snickered more and shrugged, while leaning back in his chair and crossing on leg over the other. Amused he bounced his foot in the air and thought about how to tell this story, so it would have the most fun reaction from the others.

“Oh, I thought the very same thing!” Remus began then with cheery tone. “He’s not a violent person and that would never have happened had someone tried to bully him but alas. 7th grader Roman Segura Reyes would never let his wimpy drama kid buddy get dragged through the mud and started a fight with the worst school bully of all people, because he had repeatedly written slurs on drama buddy’s locker. At first it was only some shouting and then bully got closer and straight up punched him in the face. I was about to fucking snap and tear the guy apart, when Ro merely budged, all pretty surprised that he was still standing actually, and then suddenly looked up and spat fucking blood and the tooth in his face and said: ‘If you don’t go now, you’ll be lucky to just lose a tooth.’ And then the guy didn’t go and Roman slammed him so hard into the wall that he blacked out and got a concussion from it.”

The room was deadly silent. Roman was by no means a mild-mannered man. Surely really passionate. But imagining him doing such a thing was pretty wild in all their opinions.

Remus chuckled a little and folded his hands on the table. Watched his thumb rub over his skin and added: “Yeah, everyone was just as perplexed like you are now. Ro was completely bedazzled that he had knocked out a guy a head taller than him an I was having the day of my life.”

“Jesus Christ!” Janus groaned and buried his head in his hands.

“I doubt that he’d listen to that plea. Otherwise one of those prayers before would have wiped me away from this earth already,” Remus teased him and rejoiced in Janus’s annoyed expression.

“Fine. Remus would you do me a favour and answer me a question?”

“You already did but you can ask another one if you like.”

The look Janus shot Remus could have killed people but he forced himself to remain calm and said: “Perfect. Now, you said yesterday that Roman got both of you an apprenticeship as florist. Was florist your dream profession then?”

“Nah.”

Janus had not expected Remus to respond in such a relaxed tone and needed a second to catch himself.

But the speechlessness didn’t last long and Janus continued: “Then how exactly did Roman come to the conclusion would make a good florist?”

“Flowers are still pretty without sound. And I like colours. In between them I felt less out of place.”

A tiny shift of tone. A little more defensive. Remus’s hands became more tense.

“Well, then… What did you want to do if you hadn’t become a florist?”

Remus chuckled. It wasn’t a happy sound. Almost as if he awaited to be disappointed in a second.

“I had two things in mind, but you’re not going to believe me.”

Janus folded his hands on the table and waited for Remus to meet his gaze. As he did he raised his eyebrows and asked with a sharp and clear voice: “Why would I not? Until now you have proven to be a terribly honest individual. I don’t see why you would lie to me now.”

Hesitation. Remus hesitated. Of all the things he could do he hesitated.

“Okay. I wanted to become a surgeon. Favourably a neurosurgeon because brains are awesome. But my family didn’t have the money so I would have needed a scholarship, which was kinda not really something I believed I could ever get. Mexican-American and all. So, plan B was a fashion designer.”

All eyes on him. It almost felt like he was burning. He didn’t know what to do with it.

“You have an interest in neurology?”  
“Do you have sketches of your designs then?” Logan and Patton respectively asked over each other.

He didn’t hear it properly. But the sound was in a harmony. A harmony of slight wonder and curiosity.

“I didn’t understand either of you,” Remus said and eyed both Logan and Patton

A little battle wordless argument went down. Patton gesturing Logan to go first but the latter refusing with a raised eyebrow. Huffing, Patton gave in and turned to Remus.

“Oh, I just wanted to ask if you have sketches from designs… I, I realize how silly that sounds now, I apologi-”

“I do,” Remus interrupted not letting Patton apologize for his harmless curiosity. “It’s old stuff, I didn’t have the energy to do more again but I still have some sketches. Roman always makes sure we don’t leave them behind. I can show you later. And what did you want to know?”

Logan pointed to his watch and then answered as casually as he could: “I wanted to talk about your interest in neurology but I just realized that our lunchbreak is soon over, so you might want to get over so Roman won’t be worried about you.”

Remus quirked his eyebrow up and grinned. Logan wanted to talk with him? About neurology? And he was disappointed he wouldn’t get the chance to do so?

“Oh, Roman isn’t coming back for the afternoon shift. I know he said he would, but he really was upset this time. He’ll need the whole afternoon to calm down. I’m going to close the shop for the day.”

Janus was about to speak up, Remus could feel the aggressively caring energy already come his way. Wit a single blank look he stopped Janus from speaking.

“He never had the chance to leave me alone after I tried to kill myself. He never could give himself a break and distance himself from me afterwards, because there was nobody he trusted enough to look after me. Give him the air to breath. Let him steam off his anger and not swallow it down as he always had to before.”

With that he turned looked back to Logan and said: “So, if it’s okay I’m going to chill in your reading isle for the afternoon? Then we have enough time to talk neurology, bicho~”

Logan wrinkled his brows for a second but was quick to adapt and agreed and even offered to come with him to close the shop. A few minutes later the five men went back to their respective shops, Logan finishing to close the flower shop and then comfortably led him back into Logan’s Bookberries.

They did talk neurology for a good half hour before, Logan had Remus read for a few minutes in a neurology book he had and the florist dozed off soon after. Quietly, Logan tucked him in a blanket, remembering how cold he had been last night and let him rest. Logan caught himself watching Remus with a small smile on his lips and shook his head to get his loud heartbeat out of his ears for the second time today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm sorry! The chapter is much longer than anticipated but I didn't want to seperate it because I didn't find the right moment for it^^
> 
> Also, I love to let my boy tell stories and he had so much fun with it. Please be kind to my trash son🥺
> 
> Oh and also: Bicho is spanish and means bug for all of you who were curious what Remus called Logan at the end😊
> 
> Now, please take care and have a wonderful day! Love you all❤️


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning: Unhealthy eating habits!**

Remus blinked his eyes open. There was a sound. The ringing of a doorbell? Oh, yes right. He was in Logan’s store. He had been half-asleep and the bell was ringing whenever a customer came in or left.

Logan probably believed he was sleeping. Which was why he had tucked him into this warm blanket. He had come very close and put it down so gently and much more deftness that Remus had had an astoundingly hard time to not just stop pretending to be asleep and let his hand tussle through Logan’s slicked back hair.

“Did you sleep well, Remus?”

With an over-exaggerated yawn Remus stretched his arms and turned to see where Logan was standing right now. And oh, wonder, beside the counter he found him. still a little dozy from his half sleep Remus winked at the man and slowly got up from the chair. Absentmindedly, he folded the blanket he had been given and walked towards the counter.

“Well, I surely was relaxed, so that’s good,” Remus said and placed the blanket next cash register.

Logan let out a huff and told Remus thereafter: “I am happy to hear you found some rest here. Your timing to wake up is quite meticulous; it’s almost five so Roman might get back soon.”

Remus nodded and looked around the shop. There were no more customers around and he assumed Logan wanted to close up soon. He looked back down to the smaller man in this indigo polo shirt and black low-cut jeans. Let-me-help-you, but I-never-need-help. He was not a man who followed his own advice, Remus felt like and grinned a little. Something he definitely shared with his brother.

“Can I help you close up then? Until Roman is back?” Remus asked and flashed him a small smile.

Logan hesitated for a second but then let Remus help him. Remus was quick to get himself busy and asked him how the afternoon had passed and if it had been a usual day for him in the shop. Logan answered all inquires in great detail and did not notice how Remus sometimes took a moment to pause and just watch him talk.

In just one of these moments Logan looked over to him and asked: “Are you ready to talk with your brother tonight? He was terribly upset the last night and he did not seem very well when we saw him over lunchtime. Would you like someone to be with you during that confrontation?”

Remus brain short-cut. For a few seconds he just looked at Logan until he recognized the tiny hints of concern wandering over his face and caught himself.

“That’s a nice gesture,” Remus said and brushed with his right hand over his moustache, “but I can deal with him. He’s – He’s not someone who dwells in rage. And he’s a lot better in talking than I am so… We’ll figure something out, I guess…”

Logan wanted to say something but the sound from a car engine stopped him. Remus looked out of the display window and saw his brother pulling into the parking lot next to their store. He turned to Logan, smiled dryly and looked back to the disappearing car.

“Time to go I guess,” he exclaimed half-heartedly and started walking towards the door.

“Remus!”

Just as Remus was about to exit, Logan had called for him and he looked back over his shoulder.

“I hope your talk will be a success.”

The wording was weird but the sentiment wasn’t lost on Remus. Everything but actually. His face softened for a moment, something sincere and small reaching his eyes and he simply nodded at Logan. A last short wave and he left the building to walk towards their third hand fiat punto.

Remus felt his steps getting a little slower as he neared the vehicle. His brother still sat inside. Head pressed against the headrest of the driver’s seat and hands loosely on the wheel. With a sigh, Remus approached and knocked against the side window. Roman looked up.

Simultaneously, both looked down and huffed.

Remus stepped back from the door and Roman got out. The smell from Chinese Take Away hit Remus in the nose and he stretched out his hand for Roman to hand him one of the bags. There were three of them and the brothers wordlessly walked towards their building and got inside. Once up in their flat, they sat the bags on the table, in wordless familiarity Remus set the table while Roman washed his hands before getting out some of his favourite sauces. Then they sat down and ate in silence for a few minutes.

Remus didn’t eat much. Not too little that he was still feeling hungry, no, just enough that he did not feel quite full yet and ended up watching Roman eat the rest. Watching him eat like this made him sad. Reminded him of all the ways they had been hurt and had been abandoned. Eventually there was a last box with noodles and Remus reached over the table and held Roman by the wrist.

Roman looked up, noodles mid-air between his chopsticks.

“What?” Roman said in a tone which was meant to be passive-aggressive but lacked any venom. “I’m already fat. So, it doesn’t even matter anymore.”

Remus just tilted his head to the side not looking away from Roman. Roman gulped, snorted and laid the chopsticks down. He looked away from Remus, to the floor, angered frown on his face.

Remus took a deep breath and clasped his hand in Roman’s.

“Hey,” Remus said softly waiting for Roman to look back to him, “I know you don’t want us to throw this away. But I don’t want you to stress eat anymore. Because, you say it doesn’t matter but it does to you.”

Roman’s eyes flickered away and Remus took a moment to come up with some sort of compromise.

“What about this;” Remus prompted as Roman glanced to him, “I’ll eat the noodles and tell me what you saw while driving. Is that acceptable?”

Roman’s eyes were wary.

“I’ll sleep in your bed with you, if you do it,” Remus added with a sigh.

The ghost of a smirk rushed over Roman’s face and he took the chopsticks and handed them over to Remus. Gallantly, he pushed the box over to him as well and said: “Alright.”

And with that Roman began to ramble about the route he took and what he had seen. Remus ate slowly and listened how his brother spun a tale of fantasy and mystery out off the most common and ordinary things he had seen on his ways. How a flashlight had turned green just when he was driving towards it and how a boy had danced over the crosswalk when he had stopped for him to cross the street.

Roman could see so much beauty and adventure in little things. He could find solace in a dandelion breaking through the cement and Remus was glad he had this ability. He was glad that despite everything, this remained to be a part of Roman.

But eventually the noodles were empty and both knew they had to have a talk. Quiet again, Roman put the empty food containers into each other and took a sip of water before he met Remus’s eyes. Remus had pressed his lips together and sighed a little. Then he got up and sat down on the chair next to Roman. This would be easier if they didn’t have to look at each other for the whole time.

“You’re angry with me,” Remus said quietly.

Roman’s hand squeezed his for a second before he pulled away and ran his hand down his face.

“Yeah, to some extent I am. But that’s not – that’s not the issue here.”

Remus knew the tone. The I-don’t-understand-and-I-need-to-understand-it-now tone. Cautiously Remus put his arm around Roman’s shoulder. He leaned into the embrace and continued talking.

“I just don’t know what to do anymore… I thought this would fix it. This final move would finally fix it. This is where we wanted to-”

“We didn’t want to be here, Ro. That’s the thing. You wanted to stand on a stage and I wanted to learn in a hospital right now or to work on my newest collection for the fashion week. This isn’t what we wanted.”

“Do you think I don’t know that?!”

Roman turned his face around to look at him and Remus forced himself to level with his look.

“Of course, we wanted something else! Do you think I’m happy I turned out this way? For – I know we’ve been fucked, okay?! I’m – I’m m-might not be a goddamn genius but I know that we’re not okay! And I understand that this move would not automatically make everything okay! I know it needs time and all but – You wanted to go out for the first time in over a year… I have a theatre group… I just… I just thought… I was right to hope for once…”

Roman let his head sink and Remus pulled him into a full embrace. Roman buried his head in Remus’s chest and Remus petted his brother’s head for a moment. Remus sniffled and rubbed his nose with his free hand so it would stop. It didn’t and Roman sat back up again.

“I get it,” Remus said while scratching is arms and nervously looking around, “I know you want to start new but the thing is. It still haunts me. It’s not over yet. And I don’t know if it can ever be over if I don’t end it.”

A tear slipped over Roman’s cheek but he brushed it away and took a deep breath. They needed to tackle this honestly for once.

“So, you will try to kill yourself again?”

This was Remus’s time to push a tear away from his cheek.

“Re?”

Roman’s hand found its way on Remus’s shoulder and he leaned against it.

“I don’t know anymore…” Remus admitted in a small voice. “I don’t care if I die, I think, but you all seem to care so much and – I’m not so numb sometimes? Like, there are moments when things get through. When, when I want to hope with you or am okay to be with the others. Or am uncomfortable to be with them because I don’t want them to judge me? That was gone for so long and now it’s here and it is so much. And I just want it to stop. To stop from ringing my brain, as if it was a fucking gong!”

Remus waited for Roman to rejoice in happiness. To jump from his chair and just focus on the part that he was feeling again.

But that didn’t come.

“Rem,” Roman said ever so gently with a concerned look but no fear, “I don’t know what that means. But if I had to guess I’d say you’re waking up a little. That you finally start leaving the past a bit. And it seems to be very painful for you and I don’t know what to do, but I don’t think it’s bad. I really don’t think so.”

Remus gulped and looked down at his fingers. They were shivering. Roman’s hand was still steady on his shoulder.

“Patton asked me to consider to go to therapy.”

“Do you consider it?”

Remus looked up. And there was the spark of hope.

“I do.”

Roman didn’t know how to react to this. He hadn’t expected that this could be a possibility, so soon after Remus had tried again.

“And I think you should too.”

Roman’s face fell and he was about to pull his hand back. Remus caught it and continued.

“I’m stuck in the past but you can’t run away from it. Not forever. You’re being more forgetful, you still look at yourself with disgust, I know you still take the blame for a lot of it. I know it. And living in the present is all well and good but not when it left you scarred and sick. You need to face it. I don’t know how but you need to-”

Roman launched himself in Remus’s arms and knocked the breath out of his lungs for a second. And then he just held him. Held him while he whined in Spanish, knowing all too well that Remus didn’t understand him through his mumbling but knew nevertheless what it was about. That it was about not feeling to be enough. That it was about feeling tired and exhausted. That it was about wanting to stop feeling this way.

Because Remus knew Roman felt the same way. That it just showed itself differently and tortured them differently. That in the end of the day they just suffered all the same.

And lost in his thoughts he almost missed it when Roman mumbled Janus’s name. Emphasis on almost.

“What’s with the Jazz Daddy?” Remus asked and gave Roman a quick shove.

With a sniffle Roman pulled away and ran his hand over his damp eyes before answering: “And Janus hates me now because I am a wreck of a person.”

Remus blinked. Pressed his lips together before breaking out in a grin.

“He didn’t sound like he hated you when we ate lunch together,” Remus said trying to keep the smugness mostly out of his voice.

Luckily Roman seemed to focused on Remus’s statement to register the not so well-hidden smugness and asked like a begging puppy: “What do you mean? What did he say?”

“He was very concerned about you because you were taking a drive. Like straight up upset. I thought he was only this close to throw his stick away and ran after you and stop you.”

“You’re kidding,” Roman said breathless and Remus chuckled.

“Yeah, probably not this close but he really was upset. And angry with me for letting you do this. And he was also concerned about the stories I told~”

“REMUS!” Roman yelped and jumped from the chair almost making Remus drop from his chair.

But Remus didn’t care and laughed loudly while Roman began shaking his hands and pacing around the room, trying to comprehend the information he had been given. Only for then being interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell accompanied with the short flashing light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not proofread this chapter because it is late and I wanted to post it. Sorry^^
> 
> I just want my boys talking, okay? I love them💚❤️
> 
> Anyway, take care and have a nice day! Love you all!


	15. Chapter 15

The brothers looked at each other. Who would possibly visit them at this hour? Remus got up from the chair and walked towards the door and pressed the button on the intercom.

“Hello?” he said as Roman approached behind him to listen who had come for them.

“Salutations. It is Logan Fojtík. Excuse the disturbance,” the voice on the other end said with this unmistakably clear but dry tone.

Remus couldn’t help but smile while Roman frowned.

“No problem Tie Clip! What brings you here?” Remus asked happily.

There was a short rustling before there came the answer: “Well, Remus I wanted to make sure how you were doing and I do have something which might be of interest for you. Also-”

“I am here too. Good evening, Remus,” interrupted a second voice at which Roman yelped in panic.

Remus turned around and at once recognized the voice. With a wide grin and his eyes on Roman Remus said into the intercom: “Hey, hey Jazz Man! You here to check on my bro?”

When the confirming ‘yes’ came Roman spun around his own axis and disappeared in the bathroom, to probably freshen himself up. Remus only rolled his eyes and told them to come up. It was a good thing that Patton had already managed to get someone to fix their door in the morning, otherwise He would have had to let them in through the shop and that was just straight up inconvenient.

With not much else to do Remus opened the door and leaned against the door frame, watching how the two men climbed the stairs. Both looked up to him and Remus gave them a lazy smile and a wave. Janus immediately looked back down to focus on his steps while Logan waved back and promptly took two steps at once. Within moments Logan had come up and Remus let him enter while still holding onto the doorknob.

After a short while Janus had joined them on top of the staircase and Remus waved him inside with the words: “Sorry for not having an elevator or something. These stairs really must be the bane of you.”

Janus raised his eyebrows and huffed a little out of breath.

“Thanks for the worrying but at least you’ve got railing on which I can hold on. Other places are even worse. And I know why my and Virgil’s flat is ground floor,” Janus said and then looked around the room for a moment.

He could not find Roman and looked back up at Remus. The latter tilted his head to the side, his black unruly hair sticking out to all sides and making him look somewhat dispersing the vibes of a Shakespearean fool.

“Not to say that I dislike your presence, but I wanted to talk with Roman? Where exactly is he?”

Remus snorted and led the two into the living room as he said: “Aah, you know he’s a prideful guy, and didn’t want you to see him dishevelled.”

“Dishevelled?” Logan asked concerned.

With a grand gesture Remus pointed at his own face, little traces of barely dried tears and sniffling still very visible.

“Yeah. Dishevelled. Just like me Big Brain. Or whatever you wanna call what I am. But anyway, Ro’s here and he’ll come back any second now.”

And just as he said that Roman emerged from the bathroom and greeted both Logan and Janus with a welcoming smile. The false happy tone twisted the knot in Janus’s stomach and he had to force himself to not let his discomfort show.

“Hello you two! How nice of you to come for a visit!” Roman said.

Logan just pulled up his eyebrows while Janus readjusted his weight on his legs so he could overplay his worry.

“I assume you feel better and have had a talk with Remus?” Logan simply said unimpressed by Roman’s fake upbeat demeanour.

The smile dropped and Roman’s shoulders slumped. It looked almost a little like a child who had broken an expensive vase while playing. Logan sighed and then tried a milder approach: “I must have come off insensitive. I apologize. Let me rephrase my former question: How are you feeling? Was the afternoon off a good distraction?”

Roman gulped and looked over to Remus for a split second and then relaxed a little. He was pretty sure he could answer those questions. A little timid, quite unlike him, Roman looked down to his feet and took a little breath.

“It’s alright. I’m feeling okay. And we probably shouldn’t have opened in the first place today but the afternoon off helped.”

Logan was about to ask a little more specifically what Roman meant, when Roman looked up looking a lot more comfortable than before.

Quick Roman sidestepped his brother to get closer to Janus, without breaking eye contact with Logan and said to him: “Thank you a lot for just going with what I was asking today. I know it couldn’t have been easy without knowing what was actually going on.”

“It is quite alright, Roman. Remus was kind enough to elaborate the situation,” Logan answered.

“That’s what I feared. Anyway, you said you wanted to discuss something with him?”

Logan simply nodded and then witnessed a wordless conversation between the brothers consisting of a look, the ghost of a nod and a shrug. With a frown he wanted to ask what this had been about, when Roman cut him off before he even started.

“Cool, then I’ll leave you to it. Janus, would you like to come with me? I have something I’d like to show you,” Roman said taking Janus’s free hand and catching the latter completely off guard.

Almost flustered Janus answered: “I don’t mind coming with you? Where are we-”

“Downstairs. Let me guide you,” Roman said and walked with Janus’s hand still in his towards the door and the two were gone a moment later.

Perplexed Logan looked after them until he heard Remus exhale and looked up to him. The slim man crossed his arms in front of him and had a dopy grin on his face. With a slight motion of his chin towards the table he seemed to invite him to sit down with him. Wordlessly, Logan complied and walked up to Remus so they could sit down together. Just in front of the table Remus took a step in front of him and pulled out a chair for him to sit down.

“Do you want to drink something?” Remus asked while Logan sat down.

Logan asked for some water and just moments later Remus had come back with bottle of water and a glass for himself and Logan. He filled both glasses with water and sat down. Casually he took a sip and eyed Logan before setting his glass down and giving him a short smile.

“He noticed that you were uncomfortable. That’s why he almost fled downstairs with Jazz Daddy.”

Logan ought to be surprised that Remus had been able to read through his silence so well but was just stunned by the nickname Remus had just used for Janus.

“Jazz Daddy?” Logan repeated bedazzled and Remus laughed a little.

“I’m sure Janus would hate it, which is why I say it. But anyway,” Remus said and played with the glass in his hand, “what did you want to about with me?”

Logan blinked a little surprised but caught himself and fished a paper out of his as always present purse. It was neatly folded and he slid it over the table towards Remus who took and unfolded it immediately. Logan watched his eyes rush over the paper and saw how he began to frown.

“It’s a list of therapists which are highly recommended,” Logan explained when Remus said nothing.

Remus looked up and quirked an eyebrow up and asked suspiciously: “By which side?”

“By my therapist.”

Logan had thought about that moment since he had sent her the requested list of relatively close-by and good therapists in the late hours of yesterday. The moment when he would reveal this information, he had kept close to his heart to someone who was barely an acquaintance.

Strangely enough it made him not as nervous as he had feared. Not at all. Especially, since he saw the obvious recognition in Remus’s eyes. The florist did not take this information for granted. It would be safe with him.

So, Logan smiled and said further while pointing towards the paper: “Her number is on the bottom. She said it was fine if you would call her if you required further information.”

Remus nodded in a fazed way and after a few moments he asked: “Do some of them work with neurodivergent people too?”

“I did not ask for that specific information, so I sadly don’t know. But I am positive that some of them do, as my therapist often has neurodivergent people as patients. Why do you ask?”

“I’m pretty sure I’ve got ADHD. I was never diagnosed but It think I fit the general profile; losing my threat while talking, jumping around in stories, forgetting things very quickly, leg bouncing and other stims and Roman has it too, just even worse. And I am pretty sure that a lot of my problems come from that too or are at least influenced by it… so. It would probably be best if I went to a therapist who could deal with that, right?”

“That is a very good thought,” Logan agreed and folded his hands on the table. “I can ask her if she could point such therapists out for me, if you want to.”

“No, it’s fine. I can google them myself. Let’s not make your therapist hate me before she even heard my voice.”

Logan shook his head but grinned as Remus looked over the list again. He seemed to be interested. He asked questions. Maybe, this truly was helping him.

“Do you want to know anything else?” Logan asked and Remus nodded.

“Actually, what - what do I have to look for in a therapist? And how do I apply for one?”

Logan’s smile grew a little wider and patiently he started to explain the general process and rules Remus should know about, while the latter listened closely to the others clear and soothing voice.

* * *

Roman had Janus brought down into the store and led outside into the backyard. Well, that was what Janus first had thought when Roman had walked to the backside of the building but then this door in the back led into a greenhouse. A magnificent greenhouse.

Flower boxes with Roses, Amazon Lilies, African Violets, Chinese Hibiscus and Orchids were orderly lined up, vines grew around the wooden pillars in the corners and the soft warm light of fairy lights enlightened the glasshouse when Roman had pressed the light switch. Everything was bathed in a dim but comfortable light and Janus could only watch in awe as his eyes wandered through the little outdoor structure. In the nearest left corner stood a little black metal table with matching chairs and Roman had offered Janus his arm to lead him there. Janus took the offer and soon was sitting on one of the chairs in this almost magical greenhouse. He watched as Roman walked towards a box near the table, opened it and realized that it was a mini fridge, and took out two cans of beer.

Quietly, Roman set one beer in front of Janus and sat down on the edge of one of the flower boxes, opening the beer left in his hand.

“You don’t have to of course, but I think I need one. And they’re alcohol free,” Roman said and held his beer up as if to say cheers.

Janus opened his beer and lifted it just like Roman did with the dry comment: “Don’t fright over me. I can hold my liquor.”

“That’s good because I can’t,” Roman laughed and took a sip. “I get tipsy very easily and I forget stuff very quickly, so, if you would remind me to not take another one if I were to try and get one? I’m not very comfortable with myself when I’ve got too much alcohol in my system.”

Janus rose an eyebrow but nodded before taking the first sip out of his beer. It wasn’t his beverage of choice but he had had far worse.

“This garden is beautiful Roman,” Janus said after a few moments and he heard the pleasant sound from Roman chuckle a little.

“I know, right? That’s what sealed the deal, actually. Remus always wanted something like this and that’s why we came here.”

“I should be grateful for this greenhouse then.”

Roman nodded lightly and looked around for a few moments. Janus studied him. Studied the how exhausted he was and how much more relaxed he seemed nevertheless while sitting down here. While having some distance to the mess that his life was right now.

“So, what did he tell you?”

Janus blinked. Roman was grinning and looked down to his beer can. Janus frowned and caught the mildly worried look from Roman. Only then it clicked in his head and he understood what Roman had wanted from.

“What Remus has told us about the two of you?” Janus asked carefully.

Roman nodded.

Janus sighed and drove over the brim of his hat.

“Yesterday night he told us how you fled from your parents’ house. And about the accident.”

Roman was grinning back down to the floor and nodded a little.

“I’m not even surprised,” Roman said after a few moments still not looking up but the grin clearly transferring in his tone. “He really needed to get that out. Did he also tell the part where I miraculously woke up after three days and wanted to walk around?”

Janus said nothing for a few seconds and Roman looked up. He seemed to be oddly relaxed.

“He did,” Janus confirmed while placing on of his hands on his cane to distract himself a little from the tension. “He also praised how you sacrificed everything for him to help him get proper hearing aids and learn sign language.”

“Figures. He always loved that part of the story. Where I’m the hero and not the guy who crashed the car.”

“… You seem to be oddly unaffected?” Janus said after Roman’s matter-of-factly comment.

Roman simply shrugged, back at staring down to the ground and answered: “Well, I don’t remember most of it. Like any of it. Before the crash; gone. And after I was pretty sedated for quite a bit so it’s all fuzzy. I’m sure he mentioned that.”

Janus despised this. He hated that Roman talked about something like this as if it was nothing more than a mediocre school trip from third grade. He hated that he didn’t get the sense from Roman that he was lying. He wanted Roman to be lying, wanted him to say how bad this had hurt him. And yet he didn’t. He just seemed fine in the soft light in this greenhouse and something turned and twisted in Janus’s stomach.

“He did, indeed,” Janus said reluctantly after a few seconds.

“You know what he didn’t tell you?”

Roman’s shoe scratched over the floor as he asked the question.

“What?”

Roman took a moment to catch his breath and Janus focused on the rapid changes of his mimic. But he was not fast enough to catch what it had been about, as Roman soon began to speak.

“When I woke up after the crash. In this bed, connected to all those fussy tubes and machines. I was … at ease. For the first time in months I was at ease when I woke up. Because for months I woke up every morning scared to death that our father would find out. That today was the day where he would throw us out of the house or hurt us even worse than he already did. And in this very moment when I opened my eyes, I knew that Remus had gotten us here. That he had executed the plan I set up. That he got me out, called the ambulance or whatever, because I would have been dead had it not been for him. I just knew I would have. And I knew he had stopped them form letting our parents get us. I knew. And I was right. They never got us. We were free, for the first time in years and I was so relieved.”

Janus just stared at Roman. Stared how he took a sip out of his beer and then finally looked up to him. With teary eyes but a smile which could not be fake.

“That’s why he’s my hero.”

_Oh._

Just _oh_. And at once Janus understood where exactly he had seen that look before and made a note in the back of his mind to call and check on Latona one of these days.

Janus forced himself to smile a little and nodded at Roman. He understood. There was nothing for him to add, nothing to say more. Not now at least.

They sat there for a bit longer. The air was warm and the evening relatively quiet. Just like a summer Monday evening should be, they supposed. Janus let out a drawn-out breath and Roman watched him do so. They exchanged a grin.

“What else did Remus tell you? He said he told you stuff at today’s lunch?” Roman asked now in a rather suspicious tone.

Janus grinned. He knew how much elder siblings liked to embarrass the younger ones with stupid stories. For once he was not the victim of those tales though and as of now, he was quite happy with that.

With a smirk he retold the two tales of the museum trip and the fight Roman had gotten in and watched how Roman visibly cringed at all the details and eventually just buried his head in his hands. When Janus finished Roman let out a mockingly pained groan. Dramatically he threw his head back to which Janus could not help himself but laugh at.

Roman got up and flustered walked a few rounds around the flower boxes while mumbling quietly to himself.

“I can’t believe him!” Roman said after a while clearly not as mad as he wanted to be and turned to Janus. “Dares to tell me that I need to let go of the past and then tell such silly stories about me! Especially the tooth one! It’s terrible!”

“I wouldn’t say terrible,” Janus argued with a smirk, “more like amusing. At least in retrospect. I can understand that must have been terrifying the day it occurred.”

Roman nodded vehemently and gesticulated quite a bit before he sat down right where he stood on the cold floor criss-crossing his legs as soon as his bottom touched the floor.

“You have no idea!” Roman said and continued gesticulating agitatedly. “I was so sure I’d get expelled that day, which would have been a guarantee for me having to repeat this miserable school year. If it hadn’t been for Mamá who somehow managed to get me out of this mess I-”

Roman broke off. At once he looked terribly sad. Concerned Janus thought about standing up and getting to him, as Roman suddenly continued talking.

“I haven’t… I haven’t talked about my mother for so long…”

Janus waited. But nothing came. He stood up, let his cane lean against the table and walked the few steps towards Roman. He stretched out his hand for him. Roman looked up. He was perplexed. He had not seen him walking up to him.

“What is up with her? You can tell me.”

Roman hesitated for a moment. Then he took Janus’s hand. Just felt the warmth and the comfort in it. The little bit of trust he had been granted.

“Don’t tell Remus, but I miss her.”

Roman stood up and let Janus hold onto him as he led him back to the table.

“She wasn’t the best Mamá but she loved us. I know she did. She should have tried to speak up to our father, I know. But she was scared too. She was also a victim. I know it doesn’t excuse the abandonment. I get that. And she never came to look after us after we were gone. So, I know I shouldn’t be hoping anymore. I know. I just. I just…”

“You just miss her.”

They stood in front of the little table. Janus looked up to Roman, his eyes filled with understanding. And Roman felt himself relax. He let Janus sit down on the chair and sat down on the floor in front of him.

“Can I hold your hand?” Roman asked.

Janus smiled.

“Of course.”

And then Roman held his hand while sipping on his beer and eventually leaning his head against Janus’s good knee, while letting his thoughts run wild for a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kept defying me. It wanted to be wrote and didn't stop and now I have to make it into two parts after all^^ Sorry you guys. But the next will be mostly fluffy at least. I hope that's okay^^
> 
> Anyway, please take care and have a nice day! I love you all❤️❤️❤️


	16. Chapter 16

Remus had researched PTSD, ADHD, depression and anxiety. He had started doing so a few months after the car crash, when he had noticed the changes in Roman’s behaviour. And as he did so he had seen the changes within himself as well. He had noticed patterns which were new, feelings that started to disappear.

Quite honestly, Logan was impressed. Impressed by Remus’s sharp perception. By his own introspection and his findings. And the fact that he was critical of his own analysis and tried to not be too wrapped up in them.

What had Logan worried though was how often Remus mentioned his fear and worries about Roman. How much seemed to be focused on him and not on Remus himself. And while Remus’s worries might have been warranted, Logan knew that he could not only focus on Roman. That he needed to look after himself.

Carefully, Logan tried to steer the conversation in a direction, where he could talk about Remus’s fixation on Roman. As Remus mentioned once more how long it took Roman to even mention the accident after it had happened, Logan took his chance and said: “I understand Roman is important to you, but he is not the only person to worry about.”

“It’s hard not to worry about him… He – He struggles a lot and he doesn’t admit most of it. I know I’m not one to talk about my mental health either but he’s in deep denial and-” Remus said but was interrupted by Logan.

“I understand your concerns, Remus,” Logan reassured Remus not wanting to talk his worries down, “I truly do. And I know your brother is fighting with a lot as well but maybe you might need to stand back a bit from him. Not abandon or leave him. But you need to take care of yourself first and you cannot do so if you are constantly worrying and playing therapist for Roman as well. You can only do so much for him. And he is a grown-up too. You need to trust him and make the right decisions for himself.”

Logan watched Remus run his fingers through his hair. He was thinking of a fitting retort but Logan knew he was right and that Remus was indeed smart enough to know that too. He just had to admit it to himself.

“Yes, right but I don’t think he always makes the right decisions for himself…” Remus argued weakly.

“That might be true but it is not your responsibility to fix that. You cannot support him so much that it exhausts you, Remus. You need to learn to have boundaries and let other people take over.”

Logan knew that his advice was a lot harder to follow through than it sounded. He knew Remus would struggle. He knew he would not know what healthy boundaries felt like at the beginning of all of it. He knew he would not trust anybody to take care of his brother at first.

“… then would you help me get him into therapy, if I were to go to therapy?”

Not the offer Logan had expected. Not at all. But it was quite welcome.

“If you go, I certainly would try and help you convince him,” Logan said carefully watching Remus’s reaction.

He was tense. His shoulders stiff and his hands twitching minimally, almost too unremarkably to notice. But as he was breathing in and out his eyes began to focus. Began to focus on Logan he met Logan’s eyes evenly with a gulp. There was something so incredibly intense and real about him in that very moment. So much energy and force just peeking out for the fraction of a second and Logan did not know what to think of it.

“Thank you. You’re a really good man.”

Remus’s voice was warm and far more trusting than it was ought to be. But Logan did not get to muse about that. Remus was taking his phone and checked the time, making a surprised expression for a moment. Then he shot shy look to Logan.

“Would you mind us checking in on Ro and the J-man? We’ve been talking for a good hour or so and I think I want to make sure how they are doing. There’s only so much they can be doing in a greenhouse for so long and I don’t think they’ll start fucking anytime soon,” Remus finished with a shrug.

Logan let out a huff and answered with an eyeroll: “Don’t underestimate Janus’s ‘seducing’ skills.”

“Don’t underestimate my Roman’s need for a slow burn romance. This kind of fuckery isn’t up to his standards, trust me, bicho.”

Logan tried to overhear the nickname once more by steering the conversation into a new direction: “Where exactly do you have a greenhouse? I was not aware that you had one on the lot.”

“Backyard. It was already part of the building and we have a small collection of flowers there. Actually, do you think Patton would like to see that? Like, he loves colourful stuff, right? Do you think he would - would like to check it out with us?”

Adorable.

Wait. No. Remus was not adorable. The way he asked Logan if they should invite Patton to see the greenhouse was maybe a little endearing. But not cute. Decidedly not adorable.

Clearing his throat, Logan got up from his chair and said: “I think he would appreciate the invitation. I can text him and he might join us downstairs?”

Remus smiled wildly and nodded as he got up himself. Logan put on a forced smile and sent Patton a text, while he and Remus started to get out of the flat climbing down the stairs. Logan was lucky, for once in his life Patton had already seen his text and answered quickly that he would be outside in a minute. Logan told Remus so much and both men got outside to wait for the third one to join them.

* * *

Roman had not been kidding when he told Janus that he had a very low alcohol tolerance. The small amount of rest alcohol in one can of alcohol-free beer had been enough to get him tipsy. Which was why Janus now knew that Roman got giggly and rather affectionate while slightly inebriated. The tall man was laying to his feet, constantly reaching for the seams of Janus’s pants and mumbling little nothings to himself.

It was somehow endearing seeing him so soft and unapologetically warm hearted. At the same time Janus did not feel entitled to see him like this. To see him in such a moment of vulnerability despite Roman having chosen to drink in his presence. It just rubbed him the wrong way.

Janus’s phone buzzed and he quickly took it out to see a message from Virgil where he was at.

“Who’s it? You’re frowning.”

Janus looked down to Roman who was holding onto the bottom of his pant leg after having asked his question.

Janus couldn’t help himself but answered gently as he would to one of his younger nephews or nieces when they asked him things: “Virgil wants to know where I am. He probably wants me to come home soon.”

“Tell him he can come over. Wait, I’ll write him myself,” Roman promptly replied and took out his phone from one of his pockets.

Janus wanted to intervene when just then the backdoor to the store opened and Remus, Logan and Patton emerged. Both Logan and Patton were rather taken aback by the amazing visuals of the greenhouse while Remus obviously looked around for Roman. They entered the greenhouse and Janus waved at Patton, who waved back happily before his eyes fell down on Roman lying on the floor.

“Did you have to?” Remus moaned as he saw the beer cans and walked up to Roman.

Softly Remus kicked Roman into the side, to which Roman barely reacted as he was still focused on his phone.

“Roman!” Remus said with more emphasis and Roman finally put his phone down and looked up to Remus.

“I only had one. And I’m not taking more. Just one. I swear!” he defended himself and Remus rolled his eyes.

Begrudged Remus stretched his hand out to Roman, as offer to help him up. Yet Roman did not budge and Remus sighed. He could be such a little shit when he wanted to. Annoyed Remus turned away and threw his hands in the air while mumbling something under his breath.

Meanwhile Patton and Logan came further inside the greenhouse and Patton steered towards Janus. They exchanged a look and wordlessly Patton motioned towards Roman to which Janus only shrugged and then looked back down to Roman, who was putting away his phone.

“Virgil’s coming over by the way,” Roman declared and turned a little to face Remus more clearly.

Remus just groaned and scratched his forehead while Roman giggled a little. Janus was simply amazed. By the fact that Roman had managed to convince Virgil to come over and by the fact that he was so nonchalant and carefree about it. It was so strange seeing the otherwise so prideful man present himself so silly and undignified.

“Okay, please stand up because we have guests. Can we do that?” Remus tried once more to get Roman to stand up.

With a frown Roman finally sat up and looked over to Patton and Logan with a wide grin. Patton gave him a confused wave while Logan just furrowed his brows and looked over to Remus in slight confusion. Remus just massaged his temples and shot Janus a venomous look before suddenly a thought crossed his mind.

“I didn’t do anything to deserve that look!” Janus shortly interrupted Remus’s thought process.

Remus just shot him a look and waved him off with a quick: “Well, you don’t have to deal with him tonight when he needs to go to bed. Do you know how energized he’s now? He’s got the idiocy and determination to try and walk up walls! But that probably doesn’t matter to Jazz Daddy.”

Hearing the nick name Janus scrunched his nose in disgust to which Remus just retorted with a little giggle and shifted his attention back to Roman. Quickly Remus crouched down a bit to get on Roman’s eye level, who now suspiciously stared at him. Roman could almost sense his brother’s inpatient energy and felt himself starting to fumble with the seams of his pants.

“So, I need you to tire yourself out. Otherwise I’ll lose my mind trying to get you to bed tonight,” Remus started while watching his brother making the most offended pouty face he could. “So, I thought you might wanna sing? Disney?”

There was a visible shot of energy rushing through Roman’s eyes before something clouded the sudden excitement and the man looked down to the floor. Remus put his hand on Romans shoulder and he glanced up at him again.

“My voice is shitty right now. After crying and all,” Roman meekly said while holding his hand against his throat.

Remus raised an eyebrow.

“Look at me and tell me that you actually care enough to not sing right now.”

“… I kinda don’t care…”

Remus nodded and stood back up with a grin. He chuckled a bit and said to Roman: “That’s what I thought. Go and let Virgil inside, while I get the speaker.”

Just a second after Roman agilely jumped onto his feet and patted down his pants before marching outside the greenhouse into to the store to open the door for Virgil when he came. Remus just shook his head and then walked to the other side of the greenhouse where they had a different gardening tools stored in a wooden box.

Quietly Remus began to rummage through the box and turned back to the three other men after a while. He held a little green Bluetooth speaker in his hands and turned it on to connect it with his phone. Staring down on the screen he sighed and walked over them.

“Sorry, for the accusation Jan,” Remus said at once while the speaker beeped signalling it had connected to the phone. “I know you’re not responsible, he’s his own man and all. I’m just. I’m very exhausted.”

Remus lifted his gaze from the phone and shot Janus a look before he sat down on the chair next to Janus. Quickly he waved for Logan and Patton to take a seat as well, Logan taking the last chair while Patton sat down on a wooden crate. All three watched Remus and when he sat his elbow down on the little table and laid his head in his hand Patton leaned over to him and softly patted his back.

A shudder ran down Remus’s spine and he hastily looked up to Patton. Patton looked like he wanted to pull back but Remus held onto his arm before he could do so and looked back down to the floor. Patton watched him and continued to draw circles on Remus’s back. It was a little concerning how stiff he felt and how much he leaned into the contact. But Patton was considerate enough to not mention it.

“He just gets a little much when he’s drunk,” Remus said suddenly and looked straight forward not focusing on anyone next to him. “And loud. And it’s nothing bad or horrible but I’m just worn out. By – by feeling so much. So fucking much. I don’t know how he can do it all day everyday…”

What to say to a statement like that? What to say to a man like Remus after such a long day? Neither knew and somehow, they all felt relieved when he exhaled and straightened his back, lips slowly forming a smirk. Mischievously, he glanced over to Janus who felt a sense of threat overcome him.

“You didn’t hear him sing before, right?”

Janus furrowed his brows and said cautiously: “No, when would I have had the chance?”

Remus chuckled and rolled his shoulders amused.

“Boy you’re in for a ride then!” Remus laughed and before the others could ask what he meant Roman came back with Virgil in tow.

The two came inside the greenhouse and a few words were exchanged before Virgil settled down on the box beside Patton and Remus and Roman had a small dispute about which Disney playlist Remus should put on, after which the discussion about which language Roman should sing them in followed. The choice fell on the Happy-Go-Lucky playlist in English and Roman walked a little away from the table to have more room to move around. Then looked back to the group and shot Janus a short glance before he batted his lashes and gave Remus the thumbs up for him to press the play button.

And with that the music began to play. A soft melody started and just a few moments in Roman began to beam. A second after he began to sing:

“I have often dreamed, of a far-off place  
Where a hero's welcome, would be waiting for me  
Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face  
And a voice keeps saying, ‘This is where I'm meant to be’”

Roman continued, eyes closed, feet moving softly to the words and hands following the picture he painted with his voice flawlessly. It wasn’t perfect by any means, on some notes he let himself linger a little too long, some of the higher notes scratched a little as he sang them but watching him perform, watching Roman engulf himself completely in this song was quite spectacular. Spectacular in a way that one forgot that they sat in a greenhouse. Spectacular in a way that one forgot that the singer was florist. Spectacular in a way that one forgot that their nephew had a phone with which he could make pictures to bribe one later on.

Remus leaned back enjoying his brother’s little show. He watched how Logan’s surprise slowly ebbed away and how he watched his brother quite interested. Patton was bobbing his head along with a big smile and Virgil did so as well after he had taken a picture of Janus.

Janus who was completely thrown off guard by Roman’s flair and stage presence. Well, greenhouse presence but Remus believed that Janus didn’t care that much about it, not when he sometimes got to look at Romans wide grin and almost glowing eyes from all the excitement and joy just to be able to performing in front of a few people.

The song ended and Roman gave a little bow to which Patton clapped enthusiastically, making the others join him out of amusement. The next song started just right after and after a few beats the all recognized “A Spoonful of Sugar”. With just as much enthusiasm Roman began to sing the song, while his mimic and movements adjusted to the mood of the song.

Halfway in, Remus heard a second voice slightly humming and mouthing the words. Unsure where it came from, he looked into the round and found that it was Patton who slowly began to join Roman in his singing to the amusement of Virgil next to him. Remus couldn’t help himself but smiled at Patton’s happy face while more and more joining the song despite missing a few words then and when.

Remus found himself admiring the small singing attempts and didn’t notice how Roman as well caught onto Patton’s singing and walked towards him before the song ended. As it did Roman stretched his hand out for Patton and asked with a wide smile: “Wanna join me? You seem to have fun.”

“Oh gosh,” Patton said flustered and rubbed the back of his neck, “I’m by far not as good as you. I don’t want to ruin your singing.”

“Not good? How does that matter now! This is just for us and singing with people is awesome! Just join me!”

Roman was energetic and optimistic and despite Patton’s reservations he got up and joined Roman reluctantly beginning to sing as “Bare Necessities” began to play.

Remus was amazed. Patton was not one for showmanship but he adapted and matched Roman’s energy with seemingly no effort. His voice was raspier than Roman’s, some notes he sang sounded scruffy but the joy he found after getting over the first inhibitions was mesmerizing to him. The way he giggled over the words he missed or when he forgot to join Roman in a line because he got distracted watching him, was just too admirable to not smile at.

The next song that came was “Under the Sea”. And it was the song where Roman decided Patton should dance with him. After a short-lived protest of Patton Roman took him by the hands and began leading Patton a little. It took them a moment to figure out what worked with the music and their skills but then they somehow fell into a rhythm and Roman even managed to spin Patton around once, which led to the latter having a laughing fit.

Logan smiled at Patton’s blush and Roman’s childish excitement. Patton was not one to move around often and his dancing was a little stiff while Roman made quite a good figure in the whole process. He moved in steady flow, quick, charming and joyful. And in a way Patton’s clumsiness but genuine effort complimented the impromptu dancing session.

They continued dancing when the next song began, “Be Our Guest”, and Logan thought about the chubby boy, always wearing light blue polo shirts and trying to not stand out too much back from high school. Young Patton would never have dared to stand out like this. To dance and sing like this. To have cyan hair and colourful tattoos. To be amongst other queer people and be proud of it.

Roman might have had similar fears and reservations, Logan assumed concluding from what Remus had told him, but right in this setting it seemed as if they did not matter to him that much. It seemed he was quite content and happy with himself and this kind of confidence helped Patton relax as well.

It truly was endearing, Logan admitted to himself and looked to the others. Remus and Janus were very obviously love-struck by Patton and Roman respectively and Logan just rolled his eyes at that. What was to expect from two dramatic queer men in love? Lastly his look landed on Virgil, who amused raised his eyebrows at his uncle to which Logan responded with a mocking eye roll.

More songs came; “Almost There”, “Friend Like Me”, “Hakuna Matata” and “You’re Welcome”. The mood was light but the evening got older and they had to get to bed for tomorrow. To open their respective stores and a Goodbyes were exchanged.

It wasn’t lost on Logan how reluctantly Janus parted from Roman, how soft his otherwise ever so cool look was. Neither was it lost on him how surprised Remus was when Patton hugged him as a goodbye, and how grateful he looked at Logan when he wished him a good night.

It had been a heavy evening but the end was rather sweet. Especially considering why everything had started so solemnly. Nevertheless, Logan found himself cautiously optimistic when he wished Patton a good night as he walked up the stairs into his own apartment. Hopefully, Remus could take the advice he had given him and hopefully this would not be the last night they had had fun together.

* * *

It was almost an hour later, Roman had showered while Remus would do so in the morning. Both had put on their pyjamas and were now laying in Remus’s bed. Roman had offered to leave him alone, had said that his ask from before was not fair and that he trusted Remus enough to stay in his bed alone overnight. But Remus let him come into his room and sleep beside him. It was less lonely and somehow, he felt saver with Roman around. And he knew that Roman shared the sentiment.

They turned of the light and Remus laid there between the wall and Roman’s back staring at the ceiling. He was unsure what today had been. He was unsure how he should sleep.

The light was flicked on and Remus blinked against the sudden brightness. Roman moved and turned to face him already signing.

“So, why are you not sleeping?” Roman signed

With a sigh Remus retorted: “Why are you not sleeping is the better question. You can always sleep.”

I can. But I’m keeping myself awake to figure out why you’re not sleeping yet. ‘Cause I’m a good brother.”

“Sure-” Remus rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest – “You won’t turn off the light until I answer right?”

“Correct,” Roman signed with a fat smile on his face.

“Shit.”

“Shit indeed. What is it?”

After a moment of hesitation Remus said: “You know Pat.”

“In fact, I do. I sang and danced with him like not even an hour ago.”

“Yeah. Right. You were doing that.”

Remus noisily gulped and felt himself already getting flustered.

Roman sat up and wiggled his eyebrows teasingly while signing: “Oh?”

Desperately Remus buried his face in his hands and moaned: “Yes, _oh_. Like fuck-me-he-is-so-adorable-and-wonderful-and-in-need-to-fucking-hold-him-in-my-arms-in-this-very-instance _oh_. The kind of _oh_ like, like in the stupid love-on-the-first-sight looks! The ultimate fucking I’ve fallen far too quickly for this adorable, kind, wonderful and stupidly caring pastel punk _oh_!”

Roman shook him at the arm and Remus glanced through his fingers to see him smiling widely while once again sighing: “Oh!”

“And to make it even worse-” Remus gave up trying to protect his dignity – “The nerd is just as bad! Like, he is very awkward but I totally get it and know what he means and now I have the feeling that he’s, he’s kinda impressed with the things I know and fucking- fucking cares about what I say? And it’s confusing and stupid and so freaking HOt, Roman! He’s so hot and I don’t know what to do with that!”

Roman laughed a bit and then laid back down.

Gently he signed then: “Well, I don’t know either but for the first time in ages I think your crushes are not the shadiest people I’ve ever met in my life so you have my blessing! I’ve you’re in need of a wingman, or best man, I’ll be your man!”

Remus rolled his eyes.

“Thanks, oh most gracious Roman.”

“You’re welcome my trashy brother dearest,” Roman retorted with a triumphant smile.

At once Remus had a thought and began to grin. That might be a good way to get a payback from his far too cocky brother.

“Talking of shady people though…” Remus began and watched the unsuspecting face of Roman.

“Yeah?”

“Janus is possibly the shadiest man you’ve ever fallen for, you know?”

Now it was Roman’s time to fluster. Defensively he sat up again and signed agitatedly: “Hey! He’s not that shady! He just – just looks a little shady. But he’s, he’s very cute. And patient. And being around him is very easy, you know? Like he just accepts what I throw at him and goes with it. Just. Just takes me as I come. It’s nice. Really nice.”

Remus smiled a little and let out a soft laugh as he glanced at Roman smiling and clearly thinking about the Jazz man.

“… You know what?” Remus said eventually.

“What?”

“He has my blessing. If you wanna fuck him you might continue. I won’t threaten him or cockblock you again.”

“You’re stupid,” Roman said and shoved him with a half-hearted offence.

“You’re welcome.”

“… Thank you. I really like him.”

“I get it. He’s classy.”

“Yeah, and Pat’s fun. And Lo might actually be able to match your fucking intellect. He’s smart.”

“Mhm.”

“Yeah… Ready to sleep now?”

“I’ll try. Te quiero.”

“También te quiero. Sleep well.”

Remus made an agreeing noise and Roman turned the light back off. After a few minutes Remus felt how Roman put his arm around him and how the weight and warmth slowly lulled him to sleep. Surprisingly he would have a rather regenerating nights rest for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did it. I finished this chapter and I'm glad it's here now. Please, comment if you've got the time. I love reading your opinions and the feedback does much for me.
> 
> Anyway, please take care and have a wonderful day❤️ Love you all❤️


	17. Chapter 17

Remus checked himself out in the mirror. Lime t-shirt with the motive of a red rose being stabbed with an intricately carved knife. Black washed-out jeans. His favourite khaki jacket with the anarchist patch he sewed on it, next to it the Mexican flag. His worn-out converse with the rainbow laces and the black beanie with the white stars stitched on it.

With a sigh he turned away from the mirror and joined Roman in the kitchen. He was in his usual casual weekend wear; grey sweatshirt, light-blue jeans and red sneakers. The jeans were one of Remus’s most hated pieces in Roman’s wardrobe. It was an ill-fit for Roman’s body type, too big and the colour was just terrible. He had more than once tried to kidnap and then destroy the hideous abomination which called itself jeans. To his chagrin Roman had always caught him before and stopped his attempts at pant assassination.

Yet right now Remus did not worry about the jeans. He exchanged a look with his brother and they simultaneously let out a sigh.

“We’re doing this?” Remus made sure, as Roman grabbed the keys for the delivery van.

Roman shrugged and opened their door stopping for Remus to follow him.

“Apparently we are. Virgil was very insistent on going to buy furniture with us. He even did not open the store for his emergency service, so we kinda have to. Right?” Roman answered sounding rather unsure but walking down the stairs with his brother anyway.

This time Remus just shrugged as they left the building and walked onto the sidewalk. He wasn’t sure what the correct protocol in their situation was and he just hoped everything would turn out to be alright. And before either twin could muse any longer, they were spotted by Patton and Logan, who had been dragged along by Virgil to join the whole let-us-buy-furniture-for-the-twins operation. Both seemed to be in a rather good mood and greeted them, while waiting for Janus and Virgil to show up.

After five minutes the two joined them and the six men split up with Remus, Logan, Janus and Patton in Patton’s car while Virgil would go with Roman in the twins’ delivery van. Like that both groups had someone in the car who knew where the place was where they would go and buy furniture.

With them all split up they set off to the thrift store which belonged to a friend of one of Janus’s brothers.

“So, which one of your famed uncles has recommended this place we’re going to?” Roman asked Virgil as soon as they had hit the road.

“Mars. He’s not my favourite but he knows a lot of people and I’ve actually been there before,” Virgil answered as he typed the street name of their destination into his phone.

Roman hummed and tapped his fingers on the steering wheel.

“I thought you knew the way?”

“I do!” Virgil said defensively. “It’s just- Rather safe than sorry, am I right?”

Roman chuckled and looked over to the younger man with a smirk when they halted at a stop sign.

“No need to fright, Virgey. I’m messing with you,” Roman told Virgil with a wink and watched him pout before he continued driving.

After a few minutes Roman began to ask what he had bought at “Bottom Drawer” before and what kind of stuff they offered. Virgil told him that they were focused on second hand furniture but also sold some new stuff, which they had been able to buy cheaply from bigger stores because pieces were slightly defect or they just hadn’t been able to sell it in time. Roman listened closely and Virgil didn’t notice how he started to talk about first moving into the flat with Janus, when they had opened Zookeepers two years ago.

Roman was a little surprised by Virgil’s openness. He had assumed that Virgil was rather reserved and generally only seemed to talk more when Janus was around. It was what he had gathered from the meals and the few Friday nights he had spent with others but around Roman alone the younger man opened up quite a bit. Roman was grateful for it even though he didn’t quite understand. While Patton, Logan and Janus were great people, and he liked all of them a good bit, Virgil was a little different from them. He had something that Roman had missed, a quality he had hoped to find in his friends again for a long while. He was not quite sure yet what it was but he was not in a rush and kept contently listening to Virgil talking about the shenanigans with his uncle and sometimes telling him in which direction to turn.

After an hour and a half, they had reached their destination and the six men found themselves in front of an older-looking storage hall. Janus took the lead after stretching his back for a bit and led them into the “Bottom Drawer”.

“So, we are looking for two bedframes, a couch, a coffee/side table, a dining table and matching chairs as well as decorative accessories. Is that correct so far?” Logan said while looking on the notes on his phone after they entered.

Roman shot Remus a look and the older twin shrugged with a grin: “He was trapped in the backseat with me. So, he started making conversation after the front seat people got annoyed with me commenting what I saw outside.”

“It wasn’t annoying!” Patton protested as Janus visibly rolled his eyes.

“Just- a little distracting in the way you did it,” the tattoo artist added sheepishly.

Roman pressed his lips together to keep a grin from spreading and glanced to Remus who looked exceptionally proud of himself. Quickly Roman shook his head and confirmed Logan’s list. They decided to first go for the bedframes and started with their search for a bedroom section.

The hall was quite big and there were a few people walking around and looking through the aisles. From almost vintage looking chairs, over to weirdly modern looking lamps they seemed to have everything. There wasn’t really an obvious system behind the setup and it was comfortably disorganized with leaving the customers enough space to walk by the furniture and knickknacks on the shelves.

After a few minutes of searching and then debating if they should ask a someone who worked there where to look for bedroom furniture, Virgil caught a glimpse of a bunk bed and the group made its way to the bedframes. As they wandered around Janus pointed a few bedframes out to Roman and eventually both of them stopping in front of a simple frame out of redwood. Roman checked the measurements of the frame as to see if his mattress at home would fit, when he heard an excited yelp from behind.

Confounded both he and Janus turned and saw Remus quickly jumping on the spot before he actually jumped over the edge of a bed to get across it. With furrowed brows Roman watched his brother for a second until he spotted the traitorous object of Remus’s interest and let out an annoyed groan.

“What is going on?” Virgil asked with slight panic creeping into his voice, while Roman walked past the others and followed his brother.

Roman shook his hands over his head and said without looking back: “Noting! Nothing but stupid neon orange!”

That confused Virgil so much that he forgot his panic and just blankly stared at Roman’s back until he finally lifted his gaze and saw what he was walking towards. And that was indeed neon orange.

Very loud neon orange.

Baffled Virgil and now also the rest of the group stared and Remus hopping onto a neon orange bedframe, smiling widely and enthusiastically as Roman approached. Quickly the others got out of their shock and followed the younger twin.

“Really? It has to be this one? This hideous orange?” Roman asked in an irritated tone.

Triumphantly Remus lifted his chin and wiggled his eyebrows.

“We both know the answer and I’m winning.”

Dramatically Roman shook his hand over his head and turned around with a look of lost faith in the gods above. The sheer dramatics of this display led Virgil to snicker and Roman shot him an annoyed look before he announced he’d go and look for a side table. Remus just snickered and got up from the bed, checking for the price tag and the number on the thing, so they would find it later when they would go and buy all of it.

The group rummaged a little longer in the bedroom section, both brothers having found a side table and Roman also a little desk and matching chair for his room. They then went on to the dining and living room stuff. It was there where Roman suddenly let out a happy sound and hurried up to a rather big round table made of walnut. The foot in the middle was round and had a little rose pattern carved in the bottom. Fascinated Roman touched the tabletop and joyfully realized that it was extendable.

“I need to see how big this one gets,” Roman mumbled under his breath and perked up looking around for someone who worked there.

“Seriously? Don’t you think that’s enough table for us? Like it already fits 8 people at least!” Remus said while Roman waved somebody over.

Roman just shot him a look and said: “You get a neon orange bedframe and I get to have a table for huge get togethers. Also, we have the space and I let you choose the chairs.”

Remus rolled his eyes, as the retail worker came over and helped Roman figure out how to extend the table. Childishly happy Roman shook his hands for a moment and then turned to Remus to check if they could afford all of what they had seen so far. After a shockingly short moment Remus had added up all the prices in his head and confirmed that they still could look for chairs.

“And a couch,” Janus pointed out when both brothers already turned to look for some chairs.

They shot Janus a look, exchanged a short glance and promptly walked over to where they had seen a few couches standing around. Not thirty seconds passed when they both steered towards a dark grey three-seater and plumped down on it simultaneously.

“This one,” they agreed in unison and got back up to look for chairs.

Baffled from the sudden agreement of the twins the others exchanged a few startled looks before they followed them again for the search for chairs. Luckily, they were rather at deciding on a few rather simplistic looking white chairs and then went to the next retail worker to help them get all the pieces they needed. The young woman who they had approached seemed a little surprised at first when they told her what they all wanted to buy but quickly got hang of herself and got a trolley and they collected most pieces but the bedframes and the table. For Roman’s bedframe and the table they got a separate bigger trolley and as for the neon orange bedframe; they still had models of it in storage, so they could get a boxed one and put it together at home.

The whole ordeal took quite a while and somehow Roman managed to recruit another worker of the ‘Bottom Drawer’, as well as two guys who had been browsing through the store to help them carrying everything to the van after paying. With a flashing smile he thanked them and told Janus almost within the same breath: “Can you take one of the chairs? Or can’t you do that?”

Confused Janus blinked and said: “I could take one but isn’t it more efficient if someone would carry several chairs? I do not see how me taking one would contribute to the whole thing.”

“Bah, bah, bah! Just take one, so you have something to do as well. Otherwise you’d just stand around and like that you’ll have contributed to all of this. Now, take the chair and stop arguing with me. This was your idea as well and you’re going to help!”

A laughing Remus walked by Janus’s side and the man with the bowler hat huffed and pouted picking up one of the white chairs. Soon after they had everything packed up and drove back home again.

* * *

It was pushing 6 pm and the old furniture of the twins was standing on the sidewalk, the new one upstairs and Roman was kneeling on the living room floor beginning to assemble the most orange piece of furniture the twins had ever possessed. Originally, Patton had offered him some help but after watching him looking at the Allen key with dread in his eyes, Roman took it upon himself. Well, Remus had helped him unpack at first but got distracted when Logan had asked him about their flower encyclopaedia and abandoned his brother in favour to talk with the nerd. Roman didn’t really mind, especially not when he watched Patton join them and ask if he had also one with flower meanings since flowers were a quite popular motive with his clients lately.

No, Roman was happy with Janus commenting on him reading the instructions and making small piles of all the different screws, chubs, nuts and chubs that had come with it.

“Stop being so cocky, Janny,” Roman said with a smirk and pushed his hair back out of his face. “At least I know how to read an instruction and put together a bed frame. I would be far more embarrassed if I couldn’t do that despite being the one initiating this whole operation.”

Janus let out an appalled gasped and Roman laughed heartily. Meanwhile Virgil sat down next to Roman looking at the little instruction booklet and the piles Roman had made. He wanted to help. After all, this had been his idea and even though he did not know how to assemble a bedframe and was quite honestly a little scared of it, he wanted to try and help.

“Uhm, so,” Virgil mumbled with a testing glance at Roman, “where do you start? I never, uh, did this before?”

Roman laughed a bit and told him to scoot over to his side so he could see the booklet from the right side. With a gentle jab then and there Roman explained Virgil what to do, while also bickering with Janus when the latter made a snide comment. Slowly, but steadily they put the thing together and when it was around seven and it looked like they were almost about finished, Roman sat back for a moment and stretched his back.

Roman was tired. He was clammy and hungry from all the work they did. He was also a little worn out from the chatter, the people, the interacting and directing all these people as much as he had done today. And he hadn’t felt so much at peace since –

He didn’t remember anymore and exhaled lengthily with a dopey smile.

“You eat cheese?”

Virgil almost dropped the screw driver when Roman asked him that and turned to him in confusion.

“Yeah? I’m vegetarian not vegan,” he answered and observed Roman grin a little.

“That’s great. Rem?”

Remus sitting at the new table with Patton and Logan, turned on his seat and quirked his eyebrow up in anticipation.

“I assembled this monstrosity which will be your bed, so could you make mac and cheese? Otherwise, I’m going to faint soon,” Roman whined.

A grin curled up around Remus’s lips and he got up, made a dramatic bow and answered: “As you wish, príncipe!”

Remus disappeared in the kitchen and Roman told Patton, Logan and Janus to come help him and Virgil hold the last part and then carrying it into his brother’s room. There was some swearing and complaining (latter mostly from Janus’s front) but eventually they got everything in place and they all felt satisfaction wash over them. It was done.

“I’m done soon! Change your shirt Ro! I don’t wanna eat next to a stinky prince!” Remus shouted from the kitchen.

With a huff Roman walked out of his brother’s room, already beginning to pull his sweater over his head. A bit scandalized Janus watched the warm beige skin which was suddenly exposed and felt something drop within him, as the made out the lighter markings of a burn just above his hip and a few light cuts above it.

But he did not get to linger too long on the look of Roman’s exposed back, as he soon disappeared in his room and shouted to his brother annoyedly: “I’m sorry that I _worked_ so hard on your stupid bed! I better half-ass my job the next time!”

“Stop being a diva!” Remus shot back from the kitchen and the two brothers bantered for a while.

Amused the four other man walked back into the living room. Patton went to help Remus with the cutlery and plates, which he should bring over to the tv, while Janus sat down on the edge of the couch. Logan joined him and Virgil said he’d step out for a second to make a call home. Irritated Janus looked after him but did not comment on it. Roman waked into the room soon after, now wearing a white t-shirt and a pair of black sweatpants. With a grin he planted himself next to Janus and then asked him if he was less concerned sitting on this couch than on their old one.

“I do. In fact, I am very positive that it will not give me a deadly disease like the last one very certainly would have,” Janus answered.

Roman snorted and laid his head against the back lean watching Janus unmistakeably fondly. He was so exhausted and happy. Everything was a little blurry but in a good way. He could be quiet and not listen for a bit. He saw Virgil coming back inside, taking a seat on the beanbag next to the couch and how Janus talked to him. He saw how Logan turned to see Remus and Patton come into the living room, bringing them all their plates and food. He ate his mac and cheese happily, just as the others did and gave the plate back to Remus and Patton when they all had finished. He noticed the tv being turned on in the background, and that there was some kind of movie running, when his eyes fell shut and he dozed off.

He was holding something. It was warm. It smelled nice. It had the potential to become _home_.

He felt a flick on his knee and opened his eyes. For a moment the buzz was still there and then it was clear. He let go of Janus’s arm and apologized despite not feeling very sorry and got up from the couch with a stretch.

“Sorry guys, ‘m beat. Thanks for today, I’m gonna test my bed now,” Roman said nudging Janus’s shoulder and then walking towards the bathroom to brush his teeth before going to bed.

In his tired state he had not noticed Janus utterly flushed face nor Remus’s snickering or Virgil’s shyly hopeful grin. He just knew that he wanted to lie down in his bed for the first time in a few years and sleep in the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people! I'm alive! Here's a knew chapter! I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Love you all, please take care and have a wonderful day❤️


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Warning: Arguing, a scratch mark from a cat, and capslock!**

For once Logan was not very focused on the music which was playing. His mind was stuck on Remus. On how tired he looked most of the time. Even in the moments when they had had a good time, like last weekend where they bought and assembled furniture together or when he jokes around at lunch, Logan could never quite blend out the deep dark rings under his eyes.

He knew that in those moments Remus did not fake his smile, that he did enjoy himself but now Logan recognized all the moments when Remus’s smile wasn’t genuine, when he spaced out, when a thought he had startled him. There were so many negative and destructive things going on in Remus’s head and Logan found himself being concerned over every last one of it, despite not even knowing what was going on.

But ultimately Logan could not nothing else. Remus had to make the step himself. He could only offer help so many times and Logan got the sense that he had done all he could. Silently Logan took a sip from his drink and glanced over to Janus. The band’s set would soon be finished and Janus had texted Patton and Logan that he wanted to talk to them.

About what? While Janus did not clarify, both Logan and Patton knew that it was about the twins. They did not have many opportunities to talk privately without them being around and today was their chance as both Roman and Remus had told them they’d stay at home for the night.

The song ended and the people in the bar clapped for a moment. Patton gave Logan a wary look and scooted around in the booth for a bit, as Janus eventually approached with a drink in his hand and settled down next to the pair.

“I hope my performance did raise the spirits?” Janus said nonchalantly and slowly rotated the glass in his hand.

Trying to sound convincingly happy Patton said: “It was great as always!”

“You don’t look so chipper though, dearest Patton.”

Logan clicked his tongue. He had a dislike for mind games. He had a dislike for manipulation. He had a dislike for Janus’s way of talking seemingly carelessly when he knew very well that it was perfectly constructed to get what he wanted. And right now, Logan had no nerves for this.

“Of course, he doesn’t! You called us here to talk about Remus’s predicament, which is by no means a “chipper” topic to discuss.”

“Don’t you say?” Janus said with a smirk that was clearly too bitter. “And I was under the impression that talking about a suicidal man was a fun matter.”

Logan shot Janus a viscous glare and took a sip from his drink.

“But,” Janus continued, “now in all seriousness; Do you think that Remus is going to go to therapy?”

Patton cleared his throat and folded his hands on the table. Quickly he looked from one man to the other before settling his eyes on his hands when he answered: “I wanna hope so. There’s nothing else we can do anyway.”

“Hope is rather unreliable in this case. And I have to agree that we really are unable to help Remus in any way. He is certainly in dire need for professional help.”

Logan nodded at Janus’s statement and said: “Agreed. Let me add that he was rather inquisitive when I talked with him about it. I do think that he is considering it. But what he will end up doing is still undecided.”

“Good. Well, not so good but it’s more than could have been expected at the beginning. Now let’s focus on Roman-”

“Why focus on Roman? He does not need our help,” Logan interrupted Janus.

With a huff Janus threw Logan a look and then said with a bitter smirk: “No, _not at all_! It’s not like he has chronically overworked himself for the past nine years, is in constant fear because of his brother who could spontaneously decide to kill himself, which would also result in him losing all the family he has left. And that leaves out the obvious show of self-neglect concerning the way he dresses and how he slept on the on a mattress on the floor. No, he _doesn’t_ need our help at all.”

Logan rolled his eyes and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“While I agree that Roman is not in a great mental state, Remus is in immediate danger and keeping an eye on him should be our first priority. If we do not do that it will only cause to worsen Roman’s state.”

“And putting Roman on hold even longer? Making him feel like his problems are not as important as Remus’s? You do understand that it will make it even more difficult for him to reach out for help, don’t you? He has a right to be cared for just as much as Remus! He needs to feel important, not like the second-hand friend! He has a right of our compassion as well, not only Remus!”  
Janus voice got heated but not loud and the veins on Logan’s forehead popped up. 

“Guys...” Patton mumbled for naught trying to stop this from escalating.

“I beg your pardon? When exactly did I treat Roman like a second-hand friend?!” Logan asked clenching his jaw.

“Let me recall... Did Roman not almost flee from his _own_ flat so you could talk to Remus? Did I misremember that?”

“Hold on! You are twisting the facts! He left on his own accord and neither you or me could stop him from doing so. And you weren’t protesting either to be alone with Roman! You are biased by him and I will not accept you talking down to me just because you figuratively cannot get into Roman’s pants!”

“You-”

“Okay, time out for both of you! Please! This is getting us nowhere!”

Finally, Patton had enough and grabbed both men’s wrists before they could talk any further. Both reluctantly stopped and Patton let go of them again. Slowly, he looked from one to the other, giving both disappointed looks before he took a breath and nodded to himself.

“Thank you,” Patton said calmly still watching both of them. “Now, uh, I think both of you actually have a point... Remus and Roman are very co-dependent and we need to be aware of that. Like – I think they both need support. Just. Differently. Roman definitely needs attention. Needs to be seen and praised, I think. He was so happy dancing and performing for us, so we probably could encourage him a little more to do that? And for Remus... While we can’t really do more and shouldn’t pressure him, I think, we should show him that we stand behind him. That we want him to get better.”

Neither Janus nor Logan spoke for a moment. Patton took a nervous sip from his beer, a little unclear of why nobody spoke and tried to calm himself. He didn’t think that the others were silent because he had made a good point. Because he was right and more objective in his opinion than they had been.

Janus sighed and was about to give in when he felt his phone buzz and took it out of his pocket. He furrowed his brows as he saw Virgil’s name on the screen and opened the text message.

Favourite Nephew:  
need your help at the twins  
come over asap

In his life after the accident Janus had run very few times. Once after getting Latona away from her boyfriend. Once when Orcus’s wife needed the ride to the hospital when she got in premature labour with their first baby. Once when he rushed to Virgil’s high school when he had his worst panic attack.

Now he could add one more time. Panicked he stood up, grabbed his cane to carry it by his side and called to the bartender over his shoulder: “Put it on my tab!”

And with that Janus began to run as well as he could. The clear voice in the back of his mind said he was overreacting and that his running was inefficient and would most likely hurt him more than help. But the heart pounding in his chest cried and told him to go faster. And so, he went faster, until he finally got to the door of the twins’ apartment and tried to open the door. It was unlocked and for the first time in 23 years he ran up the stairs.

With little thought Janus got to the apartment door and opened it quickly, already having mentally prepared for the worst. 

He had prepared wrong.

Virgil was snorting with laughter as he steadied himself against the couch, Roman was cursing facing one corner of the room while gesticulating aggressively. And in approximately the middle of the two men Remus stood cradling something white and furry in his arms.

There were a few things rushing through Janus’s mind in that moment. None of them were how much his leg was hurting or how strange it was that neither Logan nor Patton had out run him despite them obviously having followed him, since he heard their quickened breathing behind him. One of them was why on earth Roman was cursing against the wall and why Remus held this fluffy thing like one would hold a baby and why Virgil was laughing like a maniac.

But most presently there was the sense of giant relief settling in Janus’s head. Laxly he set his cane on the ground and took the weight of his left leg. With his shivering hand he massaged the bridge of his nose, hiding the weak smile on his lips, as he sighed loudly enough for Virgil to hear it and turn towards him.

“What the fuck have I been called into?” Janus asked with a mockingly annoyed tone and Virgil tried to calm himself as Remus gasped offendedly.

“Do not curse in front of my child!” Remus exclaimed as he put his hand over the fluffy something’s ears, which Janus now realised was a white cat.

“This BEAST IS NOT YOUR CHILD!” Roman snapped and was about to turn when Remus barked something in Spanish back and effectively kept him from turning around.

Virgil began laughing even more and bend over holding his stomach with his right hand. Janus quirked up one eyebrow and made a few steps inside, so to give Logan and Patton more space to enter as well, while Virgil looked over to them and gave a faint wave before he tried to catch himself again.

Then after a solid minute Virgil got up a bit and wheezed towards Remus: “Please, cut – cut this out! You’re killing me! I – I oh my god, you’re comedy gold!”

“I BEG YOUR PARDON!? COMEDY?!”

“For fuck’s sake, Roman! Keep in your damn corner! He’s still bleeding and I ain’t picking you up!”

“Bleeding?” Janus chimed in worriedly.

Quickly he gave his nephew a once over again, and found that the hoodie sleeve on his left arm was pulled up and a paper towel was pressed over the inside of it, red bleeding through.

“Yeah,” Virgil said out of breath but pretty relaxed and held his arm up a little for Janus to see, “the cat got me good. She’s a real rascal that one, which is why Remus has to hold her and apparently your Romeo can’t see blood, which is why I called you over, ‘cause I cannot for the life of me bandage this arm with my right hand. Didn’t think you’d bring a whole army though.”

“Oh, I didn’t bring them, they followed me. Now, Remus, where do I find bandages and how long of a cut are we talking?” Janus asked as he walked towards Virgil.

Remus didn’t look to Janus at first but turned to Patton and Logan behind him: “Can you close the door? I don’t want her to escape. She might get startled.”

“Ah, yeah of course!” Patton stammered and closed the door.

Remus shot him a smile and then told Janus he’d get the bandages out of the bathroom in a second. And just like that he disappeared for a moment. Janus shook his head and told Virgil to sit down on the couch. He settled next to his left and took a first look at the arm. To his surprise the scratch the white cat had left was three inches long and pretty deep.

“I’ve told him to wash it out and wanted to disinfect it already, but Mrs. Snuffles here was acting all cranky when I tried to go to the bathroom before,” Remus announced from the hallway and set the bandages, a disinfectant spray and Bepanthen on the coffee table.

Janus shot him a confused look as he pressed a little kiss on top of the cats head and readjusted the little creature in his arms.

“Mrs. Snuffles?” Patton asked with a small and watery voice looking at the white cat in question.

Before Remus could answer, Roman pressed his head against the wall with a soul crushing groan.

In dramatic agony he complained: “Why did you have to name her? Oh, why are you doing this to me? We will not take in this most horrendous and foul fiend! She broke into our store and into our flat! She’s a delinquent! She assaulted the man we got to help her! She’s dangerous!”

“How can chu say dis about dis wittwe cutie! She is adowabwe and puwe!” Remus said in a silly voice which made Roman groan even louder.

Meanwhile Janus started to fix Virgil up. Carefully, he disinfected the wound and put some ointment on it. He told Virgil to let the ointment absorb a little and watched Patton and Logan awkwardly walk inside. They were watching Remus sitting down on the floor and cuddle the cat in his arms.

Watching Remus holding the animal, hearing her purr loudly while Remus pressed some little, soft kisses on her head, Janus had a hard time to imagine how she could possibly have caused such a huge ruckus before. But somehow Janus forgot to wonder as he realized how happy and silly Remus looked doting over this animal and gave Virgil a little curious look. Virgil shrugged with a grin and Janus shook his head. And just then he glimpsed over to Logan and Patton.

Oh boy. Oh boy, oh boy.

Perplexed both men stared at Remus cooing over the cat, very obviously and strongly smitten. Patton was blushing furiously and Logan’s eyes were big as plates.

Janus had to hold back a barking laugher. How quickly the table could turn.

Who was it, who wanted to get into one of the Segura Reyes twin's pants now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I delivered fluff! And Mrs. Snuffles the cat! I hope you enjoy her because she will never leave :D
> 
> Love you all, please take care and have a wonderful day❤️
> 
> Oh and if anyone is curious; I made a little comic of Patton and Logan falling for Remus! You can find it [here](https://mimssides.tumblr.com/post/631071853216251904/i-delivered-a-lot-of-angst-in-the-past-few)


	19. Chapter 19

This had never happened before. Logan’s ears rang and his heart beat faster than he had ever seen someone running in his whole life. He had noticed before that sometimes he reacted quite strangely in Remus's presence but it had never been like this. Or had it? Had he just now realized how strongly Remus’s smile, his happy face, and laugh lines around those tired brown eyes made him feel?

Patton next to him felt inexplicably hot. He knew the feeling far too well. Too often he had fallen for it and made a fool out of himself. But seeing the gentleness in Remus’s movements as he petted the cat, the caution he showed with himself as he held her, he could not stop himself but be taken by him. And Mrs. Snuffles? Remus Segura Reyes had called this white fluffy cat Mrs. Snuffles? How was he supposed to _not_ fall for him?

Regardless of what the two men were feeling at the moment, they both knew it was not the moment to address this. Janus finished bandaging his nephew and Remus got back up from the floor.

“I really wanted to fix him up myself. Sorry to inconvenience you, JJ. Also, Ro, you can come out of the corner. The blood is gone,” Remus announced and in a quite agile twist Roman turned out of the corner and marched right towards his brother.

Remus instinctively pulled Mrs. Snuffles closer to his chest as Roman pointed at her and said in a finite tone: “We will not keep this animal! I refuse to keep her in this-”

“I’m living here too and I say we’ll keep her! Basta. Now, Virgil,” Remus interrupted his brother and promptly turned towards Virgil, who tried to keep a straight face through the brothers’ dispute, “you wanted to check her over before, right? We couldn't finish but maybe you could tell me how to do it and I check her instead?”

“We can certainly try. Let’s get her on the table,” Virgil agreed and walked towards the table.

“StoP! You will get a towel! We just bought this table and I’m not having her making scratches on it already!” Roman exclaimed agitated and stormed in front of his brother.

Remus raised his eyebrows and halted quite unimpressed. With a shrug he handed the cat to Roman and walked towards the bathroom where they had the towels. Meanwhile, Roman fumbled with Mrs. Snuffles in his arms and cursed a few times under his breath as the cat lady adjusted herself to sit comfortably on Roman’s arms. When she had finally found the perfect position and Roman stopped his cursing for a second, she looked him dead in the eyes and opened her mouth as if she wanted to meow.

“You have to unmute, monster,” Roman said in a huff and carried her to table as Remus came back and put a towel on top of it.

Slowly Roman lowered her onto the towel and helped Remus keeping her from jumping off the table. Virgil stood next to Remus and told him to check if he could find any bruises under her fur and calmly guided him through the check. And as they were done, Mrs. Snuffles turned out to be a rather healthy stray cat to Remus and Virgil’s relief.

“I still would advise you to take her to the vet and get her neutered, checked properly and chipped. It’s just safer,” Virgil told Remus.

Remus nodded and put Mrs. Snuffles gently on the floor. The white cat pressed herself against Remus’s legs and fondly circled him as Remus asked Virgil: “Who’s close? What vet would you recommend?”

“Let me write it down for you,” Virgil said quickly.

Remus instantly looked around for a notepad and after a few moments he handed one to Virgil. He scribbled down a name and address and explained to Remus that he knew this vet very well that they were very competent and that he should tell them that Virgil had sent him.

Meanwhile Roman only half listened to the two and eyed Mrs. Snuffles walking around. After a moment Roman’s focus shifted towards Patton and Logan, who were still standing awkwardly around and then to Janus, who was sitting on the couch. They shared a look and Roman gave him a slight smile before he noticed that Janus’s left leg was shaking a little. Roman tilted his head and furrowed his brows as he walked towards Janus and sat down next to him. A few moments passed and Roman watched Janus’s face. Saw that his jacket was wrinkled strangely and that there was a little sweat about his brows.

“Are you alright, Jan?” Roman said unusually subtle.

Janus blinked. The gentleness with which Roman had just said his nickname sent a shiver down his spine and he had to catch himself before he could give him an answer.

“I am perfectly fine.”

Roman furrowed his brows a bit more.

“Does your leg hurt? It seems like you’ve overexerted it?”

Subconsciously, Janus put his hand on his leg and stroked it a few times calmingly. It was not a strong pain, but in Janus’s world pain had to pretty severe that he would acknowledge it at all. After all, he always was in a low level of pain as soon as he put weight for too long on his left leg.

“Don’t worry,” Janus said easily with a grin. “Running is not the usual for me and if I can sit down for a few minutes I’m gonna be okay. No need to treat me like a porcelain figurine, honey.”

Janus watched how the edge of Roman’s lips twitched up and listened how he lightly laughed. Tenderly, Roman lifted his hand and nudged Janus in the side, the amusement slightly fading and care taking its place.

“Understood. But if I can do something to lessen your pain and struggle, tell me. Just because you can take it, it doesn’t mean you should have to,” Roman said and then stood back up looking for Mrs. Snuffles.

Janus just watched how Roman walked around, how his eyes searched for the white furball and felt oddly at peace. It was hypocritical of Roman to tell him to not keep suffering just because he could bear it. But the sentiment was nice and Janus knew that Roman was serious and it was hard to do as one preaches.

Meanwhile Remus and Virgil were talking about the vet and what Remus would have to get for their new fluffy roommate. They only stopped when they heard Roman exclaim a euphoric: “Eureka!”. Confused they turned to look over to him and saw how he picked up Mrs. Snuffles from the floor.

With a determination in his eyes Roman asked Virgil: “So, is it bad to bath a cat or can I do that?”

There followed a moment of silence.

“She slit open my arm when I tried to lift her,” Virgil said eyeing Roman in disbelieve. 

“Your point being?”

“Dude, she’s probably gonna rip you apart.”

“But she would be clean and not sully our furniture.”

Flabbergasted Virgil stared at him before he told Roman: “You can bathe her if it doesn’t stress her out too much, I guess? But she will most likely not enjoy it?”

“Neither will I. But I rather have her clean,” Roman announced and walked towards the bathroom to bathe a stray cat.

* * *

Mrs. Snuffles proved herself to be a lot less of a demon when one of the twins handled her instead of literally anyone else. While she had been less than pleased being washed in the bathroom sink, she neither hurt Roman or Remus and just meowed horribly while Remus told her in squeaky voice how good she did as Roman suspiciously gently washed the poor thing.

After that they blow-dried her to which she also had no complaints. Actually, she seemed to oddly appreciate the warmth of the blow-dryer and only hit it a few times in a playful manner.

Virgil had overseen the whole situation, while he had ordered Patton to go to his and Janus’s flat to get cat food. Janus and Logan were tasked with preparing a makeshift food corner for the night before he would equip the twins with whatever they needed the next day. Now, he watched Remus settle down with Mrs. Snuffles on the couch as Roman checked in the kitchen what Janus and Logan had prepared for the cat.

“Rem, let her down and get some food. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it,” Virgil told Remus and he did as Virgil instructed.

Roman just had filled the makeshift feeding bowl with the food Patton had brought and Mrs. Snuffles found her way into the kitchen within seconds and started eating eagerly. The men ended up standing all in the kitchen, Remus serenely staring at the cat eating so calmly, Roman looking mockingly annoyed but nevertheless watching her.

“I need to tell you that you act like every single father, who begrudgingly got into the store with his kid to get a cat or dog, only to come back a month later to buy treats and gush over the new furry family member.”

Roman promptly turned to look into Janus’s smug face, and grunted offendedly.

“I beg your pardon!” Roman said and gesticulated wildly almost hitting Logan next to him, who barely managed to duck away. “I have reasons to dislike this foul creature!”

“Oh, I am certain you do,” Janus said smoothly and Patton and Virgil suppressed a laugh at Roman’s agitated face.

“She broke into the store today!” Roman called out ignoring the amusement of the others. “Seven times! And threw over several pots! I always threw her out and she kept coming back until four pm. Then I thought she had given up but then we closed the store got up here and I started making dinner, Remus got into the bathroom to shower, when we suddenly heard a loud thumb, which turned out to be the orchid we kept on the coffee table!”

“Oh, the orchid didn’t have enough light there! We would’ve had to put it somewhere else anyway,” Remus argued not even looking to Roman and crouching down as Mrs. Snuffles stopped eating and turned back to him.

Happily, Remus swooped her up again when she pushed herself against his legs and walked past Roman and the others back to the couch cooing over his little animal friend. Roman followed Remus and the other men left the kitchen as well. Logan was so free to sit down at the dining table, Janus joining him shortly as Patton and Virgil kept standing and observed Roman pacing around and Remus having fun petting his new cat.

For a few moments Virgil just kept looking before he walked up to Remus, trying to stay out of Mrs. Snuffles field of view. When he was behind her, he snapped his fingers and looked if she reacted to the sound. She didn’t. So, Virgil walked up a little closer and told Remus who was about to address him: “Don’t acknowledge me for a minute. I wanna check something.”

And so, Remus kept petting Mrs. Snuffles and Virgil slowly lowered his hand and nudged her in the back. Immediately she shot around and tried to hit him with her paw but Virgil had pulled away just in time. He pressed his lips together as Mrs. Snuffles glared at him with an angry look and noted her blue eyes. Maybe his suspicion was right.

“What was that about?” Roman asked poignantly.

Virgil shot him a look and then lowered his gaze to Remus and said: “I think she might be deaf. That’s not very uncommon among white cats with blue eyes. Would also explain why the hair dryer didn’t freak her out. She simply couldn’t hear it.”

Remus looked down to the Mrs. Snuffles with big eyes. She tilted her head and pushed her nose against his chest.

“It’s not painful, right? It’s not painful for her to be deaf?”

Remus’s voice was oddly quiet and vulnerable. Mrs. Snuffles began to loudly purr.

“No, it shouldn’t be,” Virgil said and waited for Remus to look at him. “She’s probably just safer as an indoor cat in the future. But with the place you can provide to her this should work out alright, I think.”

Remus looked at him blankly for a few moments and then nodded. He scratched Mrs. Snuffles ears quietly and the cat began to purr even more affectionately. Roman sighed a little and asked if they wanted some tea. They agreed and all but Remus sat around the dining table and took drank the mint tea Roman offered them.

“That’s probably not how you suspected your Friday night out would end up being, right?” Roman said after a few moments of stillness.

Janus eyed him for a second before he shrugged and replied: “I grew up with nine siblings and a bunch of their kids. I’ve had far weirder Friday evenings than this. With a lot more injuries too.”

“I am just glad that you’re both safe. The way Janus ran off really had me worried for a moment,” Patton added and both Virgil and Roman shot Janus a unbelieving look.

Janus pressed his lips into a thin line and looked upwards. He was not too eager to let the others know about his fear over the twins. And he did not want to admit to himself that he cared so much.

He felt Virgil tug him on his sleeve and Janus levelled his gaze when he asked him with raised eyebrows: “You ran here?”

“Did you read your message? It gave me absolutely _no_ reason to worry,” Janus hissed still trying to mask the suddenly reappearing concerns in his chest.

Virgil frowned and took out his phone to check the message he sent. With a frown he looked at the two lines and immediately got what Janus had meant. He usually kept his texts short but this one really sounded panicked.

“I’m so fucking sorry! I was so wrapped up with the cat, I-” Virgil apologized frantically.

Janus stopped him by pressing his hands on his shoulders and told him: “I know. It’s fine. It had me worried but now I know you’re all fine. That’s all that matters.”

Sincerity by Janus was something rare. Something gentle and comforting. It was as if it had been designed to calm the other down, to ease ones worries and let them know that everything would be good.

Virgil gave him a weak smile and Janus gallantly shoved the attention away from him by asking Roman to finish telling how Mrs. Snuffles had created the chaos they had seen when they had first entered.

A little hesitantly, Roman continued telling how he and Remus had begun to try catching the cat, which ended up taking a lot longer than they would have expected. Mrs. Snuffles was a lot more agile and quick than both had expected and had run under the furniture, climbed on it and made the brothers chase her for more than an hour. Only then Remus had been able to snatch her and it was then when Roman had decided to call Virgil for help.

“I’m honoured you’ve thought of me,” Virgil said and Roman gave little shrug.

Roman had never had a pet and neither had Remus, so it had been obvious to him to ask someone for help. And who would have been better than Virgil for the job?

“You’re the owner of a pet shop, so it seemed to be an obvious choice,” Roman said and turned towards the couch to Remus, “right Rem?”

Roman’s jaw dropped. He blinked. Closed his mouth and squinted at the couch to check if he saw right. Remus had slumped to his side. One arm and leg were sprawled over the couch’s edge, while his head rested on a side lean. Remus was sleeping. Despite the odd position, Remus was sleeping. And Mrs. Snuffles lay on top of his belly purring quite loudly.

“This cat loves fucking with me. This- Oh, well,” Roman grumbled and got up from his chair.

With no explanation Roman walked over to his brother and carefully watched him for a moment. Hesitantly, he reached for the hearing aids in his ears, Mrs. Snuffles eyeing him with obvious distrust. Gently Roman got the hearing aids, turned them off and set them on the table before he looked back to Mrs. Snuffles and said to her in Spanish: “ _I do not know what unearthly powers you possess, but if you can keep using them to get Remus to sleep, I will reluctantly agree to keep you in this house._ ”

In response Mrs. Snuffles looked away and Roman shook his head and clacked his tongue. With a huff he straightened his back and looked over to the table, where the others looked at him in questioningly.

“Why exactly did you take his hearing aids out?” Janus asked after the pause had just been far too long.

“He sleeps always with his hearing aids off and I want him to keep sleeping, since he’s a bit of an insomniac and I don’t think I’ve seen him asleep before eleven pm in years.”

Reflexively Janus wanted to counter that it wasn’t even ten pm yet, when the message suddenly dropped and he just stared at Roman and then looked down to Remus.

“Welp,” Roman said more to himself than to anybody else and turned back to Remus, “then let’s get you to bed, Emi.”

With that Roman crouched down a little and put one arm under Remus knee folds and the other behind his back. It then clicked in Patton’s head that Roman wanted to carry him into his room. Immediately he got up to go and help him, just as Roman picked Remus up from the couch as if he didn’t weight much more than a flower pot. Mrs. Snuffles offendedly stared at Roman for having interrupted her sleep, what Roman gracefully ignored and without comment carried her and Remus into his brother’s room.

The display of strength paired with Roman’s gentleness came a little unsuspected to the others. It definitely reassured Janus of his love for men and when Roman was out of sight, he promptly bit his lip when he noticed that his mouth had still been open.

“Gross,” Virgil commented with a raised eyebrow.

With a glare Janus hit him at the arm. Virgil just smirked and Janus shook his head trying to refocus on the situation again. Insomnia. Perfect. Another problem Remus could put on his quirk list.

“So, both brothers have trouble sleeping...”

Janus frowned and looked to Patton who had spoken. He looked paler than before and at once he noticed how Virgil next to him began to get restless. Suspiciously, Janus looked from one to the other trying to gauge what their reaction meant.

Meanwhile, Logan did not want to guess and instead asked: “What do you mean? Both brothers have trouble sleeping? How would you know that?”

“Well, Roman had a nightmare after you left the night when Remus-”

The breath died in Patton’s throat. He didn’t want to think about that. It hurt so much to think about it now. About Remus-

“What’s the talk about nightmares?”

Roman came back into the room and looked at them all with a curious look. For a few moments nobody said anything. Roman walked closer and sat back down with them, waiting for one of them to answer.

It eventually was Virgil who could not hold the tension any longer and blurted out: “We talked about the nightmare you had in _that_ night.”

For a second Roman’s eyes glazed over and his expression was blank. Then it suddenly became oddly relaxed again and shrugged.

“Well, yeah. Right. You saw that… Usually they are a lot more manageable, so don’t worry about it,” Roman said and simply took a sip from his tea.

All four stared at Roman in confusion. He just admitted to it.

“You just admitted to having nightmares?” Virgil said confounded.

Roman shrugged and looked down on the table as he answered: “Yeah, obviously. I have them often and I can and will fall asleep anywhere at anytime if I’m tired. So, if you’re really willing to stick around, I suppose you will witness one eventually. There’s no reason for me to hide it.”

With that Roman looked up again and simply asked if they wanted more tea. Patton wanted to ask if him screaming was normal for his nightmares, but asked for green tea instead. Virgil wanted to ask why Remus had told them then that they should not mention the nightmares to Roman, but asked for mint tea again. Logan wanted to ask why Patton as well as Virgil had seemed to be so worried about the nightmare, but instead said he didn’t want any tea anymore.

And Janus put his hand on Roman’s shoulder before he could stand up and said: “While they might be manageable, you don’t have to suffer through them. When you feel more comfortable you can come to us. Since we are obviously _really_ willing to stick around, as you put it.”

For a second Roman just blankly stared at him before he breathed out a laugh and slid out of his grip to give him a soft nudge on the shoulder.

“You want black coffee, don’t you?” Roman said with an eyeroll.

And Janus replied smoothly: “Please. And no sugar.”

“Of course not! You’re sweet enough on your own.”

With that and a wink Roman left for the kitchen and the five men sat together a little longer, three of them a little annoyed but simultaneously relieved from the drama gays dramatic flirting. They talked a little, Roman agreed on going over to Virgil and Janus with Remus to get some more cat essentials. And soon after they all left for their respective homes.

Janus had to answer a few texts from his surprised and worried band mates because of his sudden exit. Logan had trouble falling asleep because Remus’s peaceful sleeping face kept his heart beating faster. Patton’s head kept replaying the brother’s interaction and the fondness in their actions. And Virgil surfed through the internet a little longer to check facts about deaf cats.

As for the twins; Roman slept quite well this night. No nightmare to report. And Remus for the first time in years, had a restful eight-hour sleep with Mrs. Snuffles resting on his tummy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not dead! I might be a little more active again soon, but for now have some more Mrs. Snuffles, some more flirting and just some fluff😌
> 
> Love y'all, please take care and have a wonderful day❤️


	20. Chapter 20

“You’ve cooked for a whole battalion, ro-bro,” Remus remarked, watching his brother put the lasagne into the still cold oven.

Roman turned around and shot him an annoyed look before he checked if everything was in place. The aubergine-tomato antipasti were in place, they had garlic bread in case someone wanted to eat something between the starter and main course. He had thought about making a primo piatto and a secondo piatto, but decided that they probably would have enough with the lasagne and like that everyone would still like to eat dessert; a fig and raspberry tart.

He hoped they would like it.

“They’re gonna love it. Now, go change. They’re gonna be here in like half an hour,” Remus told Roman as he nudged him in the side.

With a huff Roman disappeared and Remus looked around in the living room. Mrs. Snuffles was sitting on the cat tree Virgil had given them and looked at him with her beautiful blue eyes. Smiling he walked up to her and nuzzled his face against her fluffy face, her eagerly headbutting into the movement. Softly he lifted her from the tree, adjusted her in his arms and held her like one would hold a baby, gently swaying her in his arms.

Cats always had always been one of Remus’s favourite animals. Just how they carried themselves, how much elegance and dorkiness fit in one single, fluffy entity amazed him each time anew. And somehow it fit perfectly into their new life. A life, where their living room is spacey and bright. Where their couch didn’t smell funny and he actually liked the combination of the furniture they had.

“Earth to Remus?”

Remus flinched and turned around. Roman stood in the end of the hallway, grinning at his brother’s weird cat dance.

Remus blinked. Roman was wearing a thin wine-red cardigan, beneath a white t-shirt and the black slim fit jeans Remus had bought him. Together with the slightly condescending and yet somehow charming smug smirk on Roman’s face, he looked good. Really good.

“What have you done with my brother?” Remus joked and walked towards Roman. “He’s never been seen in nice clothes on a Sunday forever!”

Roman rolled his eyes and picked the hem of his cardigan’s sleeve. He knew it was a compliment. He appreciated it. But somehow it just felt weird to make himself look fancy. To try and look at himself in the mirror and like or at least accept what stared back at him.

“Don’t make such a sour face! You look splendid! Jan’s never going to be able to eat any of the food because he’ll keep gawking at your pretty face!” Remus insisted, seeing far too well that Roman was doubting himself.

Nervously Roman pressed his lips together and told Remus with a sigh: “That would be a waste of food.”

“Come on! I know what kind of hairdo that is! Look-At-Me-And-Hold-Your-Breath! This is dress to impress, and if you don’t admit you’re a dirty liar!”

With a mischievous glint in his eyes Roman retorted: “I didn’t say that’s not my intention. It’s just gonna be a shame for the food that’s going to be wasted, won’t it?”

With mock offence Remus stared at him with his mouth wide open before the twins broke into a laughing fit. Mrs. Snuffles didn’t appreciate the shaking very much and Remus had to let her down still giggling furiously, when the doorbell rang.

Remus gave Roman a nod and then walked up to the door, pressed the speaker and heard Logan’s voice: “Salutations. It is Logan Fojtík. Excuse the disturbance.”

“We invited you, bicho. You’re not disturbing,” Remus chuckled and pressed the button to let Logan in.

A few short moments after Logan had walked up the stairs and Remus greeted him with a wide grin and a hug. The bookstore owner reciprocated the hug after a short second of hesitancy and then gave Roman a cordial nod as a greeting. Roman just smirked at the awkward look on Logan’s face and told him to follow him into the living room. Roman also made the mental note that Logan was wearing the turtleneck sweater and the slightly nicer jeans he usually wore on Friday evenings, which seemed to be an outfit he reserved for special occasions.

With ease Roman then enthralled Logan in some casual conversation about the food he had prepared. Logan looked mildly interested, even though he looked over to Remus playing with Mrs. Snuffles several times. That too, Roman would definitely remember for future events.

But soon there came the next ring and Remus let Janus and Virgil in just has he had Logan. Virgil had brought some cat treats and a few more toys for Mrs. Snuffles and was soon sitting with Remus on the floor playing with the cat instead of socializing with the with the other people in the room.

“Seeing this makes me wish, I was a pet,” Roman comments amused as both Janus and Logan gave him a look. “Unlimited attention, affection and reassurance thrown at you with no questions asked and you won’t even be punished if you scratch an asshole’s face.”

“While that outlook does have its appeal,” Logan commented his eyes locked on Mrs. Snuffles trying to catch a string with feathers attached to its end, “I would not enjoy doing my business in a litter box or outside under a tree.”

Janus chuckled and sat down at the already set table. For a moment his eyes drifted over the plates, the cutlery, cutlery mats and napkins, which were set up carefully and beautifully, before he looked over to Logan and teased lazily: “What a humorous remark coming from you, Mrs. Fojtík. I didn’t think you’d have an ounce of fun in your body.”

Logan did not grace that remark with an answer but shot him a glare. Janus did not care for it and instead turned to Roman and told him: “The table looks marvellous, Roman. I don’t think I’ve ever been invited for dinner at someone’s place who had such a sweetly decorated table.”

Janus watched Roman’s eyes glow with pride and listened happily as Roman started to tell how he liked decorating and how it was a way to treat themselves with something nice.

“After all, sitting at a nice set up table makes one feel a bit like royalty, doesn’t it?” Roman rambled happily.

Janus answered with a smile and a nod and would have been content to listen even longer, when the doorbell rang again and Roman stood up to get the door.

Not too surprisingly, Patton had arrived and Roman let the tattoo artist into their flat. He had a cheery look on his face and promptly thanked Roman for the invitation.

“Oh, don’t mention it, padre! After the way you all helped us last Friday, I wanted to give something back. It’s the least I can do,” Roman said and shot a look over to Remus who looked up from Mrs. Snuffles in front of him and gave a little nod.

“Yeah, something happy for a change,” Remus said and looked down Mrs. Snuffles.

Remus’s eyes shone peacefully. Lips tugged in a lopsided smile. Patton felt his heart pound in his chest. Remus looked beautiful and in this very moment every fibre in his body was painfully aware of that. He actually shivered when Remus raised his look from Mrs. Snuffles to him and the little smile grew a little wider as he met Patton’s eyes. It was the best thing he had felt in a long time and he was sure that his smile reflected the sentiment well, as Remus chuckled and got up from the floor.

“Now, princesa, do you want to get us all into a food coma?” Remus asked and put his hands on his hips with an eyeroll.

Energetically, Roman jumped to action and ushered their guests to get to the table.

“Oh, I hope you’re hungry!” Roman announced in a singsong tone and the five others settled down around the table.

Curiously Janus looked into the kitchen from his chair, as Patton complimented Remus’s clothes; a green t-shirt with pink spots, a light blue jeans vest and orange skinny fit pants. Remus gave to comment back, adding that he liked the look of the pastel pink tank top, with black ripped-jeans and the bun Patton had put his hair in.

“Your hair is nice too!” Patton gave back and looked at the black messy hair on top of Remus’s head.

Remus tousled through his bangs and shrugged.

“Thanks. I don’t really know what to do with it. It’s a bit ‘meh’ so I tend to just let it do its thing.”

“Are you aware how to best take care of the hair type you have?” Logan suddenly chimed into the conversation.

And so, Roman served his aubergine-tomato antipasti, as the conversation about hair styling and grooming got started. Logan did most of the talking, Patton sometimes adding something and Remus curiously asking questions. The conversation only got interrupted when Logan finally started eating, after Roman chiding him for letting the food get cold. In that sudden pause, Janus took the chance to compliment Roman’s cooking, as the others did just a moment after.

They ate, talked and the mood was light and pleasant. Remus had, as promised earlier, gotten out his sketchbooks and went through it with Patton while Roman got the main dish ready. Virgil was once again playing with Mrs. Snuffles and Logan occupied himself by following Roman into the kitchen, asking about how he had prepared the antipasti from before and offering his help, which was politely declined. And Janus had sneaked away from the table and inconspicuously walked through the flat, looking in all rooms without entering any of them so his snooping around would not be detected.

Just as Janus peeked into Roman’s room, strikingly tidy with red and gold accented décor knickknacks, a hand was put on his shoulder and he flinched as he was caught red-handed.

“You could have asked for a tour, Jay.”

Janus turned to see Roman smirking at him. Speechless he opened his mouth only to close it again and press his lips together. Roman grinned until Remus called from the living room: “Are ya’ making out? Should we not wait with the food for you?”

With an eyeroll Roman turned around but kept his eyes locked on Janus. A smile tugged at the edges of Roman’s lips and he said quietly: “I’ll be happy to show you around after you’ve told me how much you like the lasagne I’ve made.”

Finally, Janus found his composure again, grinned back and replied: “Then I’ll be kind enough to indulge you, Señor Segura Reyes.”

Roman chuckled and they went back into the living room. Smoothly Roman walked around the table to Janus’s seat, pulled it back for him and sat down telling his guest to help themselves with the lasagne.

Already anticipating Virgil’s questioning look Roman told him: “It’s vegetarian. I could have made a different dish for you but I didn’t feel like it and just made the meatless variant for all of us.”

“Cool. Thanks,” Virgil mumbled a little shyly before he took some of the lasagne.

“What did you take instead of the meat?” Logan asked eyeing the food in front of him judgingly.

“Spinach and Cheese. And if you find that inedible, I can get you something else,” Roman answered and rose his eyebrows playfully daring.

Logan pressed his lips together and looked back down to the food. It smelled good and it didn’t look like the vegetables his mother used to make him eat when he was younger. He could at least try. And so, he tried.

“Das ist alles andere als ungeniessbar,” Logan almost inaudibly said under his breath and took another bite.

Roman, who was sitting next to him, shot him an incredulous look which turned into an excited one and he enthusiastically said: “Danke sehr! Ich wusste nicht, dass du Deutsch sprichts?”

Baffled Logan looked up to Roman and the rest of the table did the same, not knowing what Roman had just said and why he suddenly spoke in a different language.

“Ich, uh, übe noch. Sprache war schon immer ein Leidenschaft von mir,” Logan said slowly, not quite certain if he had gotten the gender of ‘passion’ right.

“No way!” Roman exclaimed joyously, “Me too! Languages are so cool! Which ones besides German do you know?”

Logan blinked. Blinked again. Roman’s enthusiasm for languages matched his own passion, which was rare, and he seemed very eager to talk about it. Not dismissing him. He was not dismissing him, Logan realized, took a little breath and started telling Roman how he had begun learning Czech and Polish when he was in his early teens and over the years had added Spanish and German to the mix.

“That’s so cool! You have to teach me some Polish and Czech! I’d love to get into some new languages. It always interesting to see how they are different or the same to some languages I already know. And like, both are Slavic languages, right? I’m curious if they work similarly to Russian!”

“You speak Russian?” Logan asked intrigued.

“Not super well, but I’d get by. The wife of our florist mentor is Russian and I got to learn if from her. And he’s Brazilian, which is why I know some Portuguese. German, Italian and French I learned in school and from old Disney VHS movies Mamá got on a flea market. It’s so interesting to see how all of them sound and work and-”

“Yes, my thoughts exactly!” Logan agreed and the two kept on marvelling over the beauty of languages until the main dish was eaten.

The others kept quiet and just watched both men being unabashedly passionate about languages and how they work. Watched Roman stumble over his words because he got excited about tenses in Spanish and Logan raising his voice in euphoria about cases in Slavic languages. It was quite a scene they got to look at and none of them could complain, even though Remus would later claim that the nerding out over languages was the bane of his existence.

When all had finished their lasagne, Roman picked up the plates and put them into the dishwasher. The rest settled down on the couch, beanbag and the armchairs before dessert would get served. Remus and Virgil were yet again playing with Mrs. Snuffles and Janus, Patton and Logan just watched them have fun, since they were all a bit tired after the big meal. Roman soon joined them and sat down on the couch next to Janus, bickering a little with his brother about how he was neglecting their guests.

“What no! Look their all happy doing nothing after overeating on your stupidly delicious food!” Remus retorted.

Roman puffed his cheeks and nagged: “Still! You could at least try and indulge them in a convers-”

“Sorry, Rem, could you maybe check something on Mrs. Snuffles for me?”

Both twins shut up immediately and Virgil looked up from the cat to see Remus’s extremely concerned look.

“She’s fine! It’s fine! Just-” Virgil quickly added hoping he could stop Remus from freaking out - “just check something for me. Just touch her belly for me and tell me if what you feel.”

Remus blinked, gave a short nod and inched closer to the white cat lady. Softly he petted her until she laid down and carefully touched the side of her belly.

“It’s pretty normal, I think? Like I feel her breathing and some tiny movements, I guess? Isn’t that just digestion, though?” Remus asked warily.

Virgil rubbed the back of his neck, smiled and told Remus: “It could, but I think you might need to wait with neutering her. It’s possible that she’s pregnant but I’d have the vet check her to make sure.”

Remus squealed in an octave dogs and bats could hear and successfully made all guests jump in their seats. This was the best thing to ever happen to Remus and an ecstatic voice in the back of his head told him to kiss either Patton or Logan or even both just to get all the pent-up energy out. Instead, he tackle hugged Virgil, who was not prepared for Remus’s hug and fell backwards so both ended up laying on the floor.

And while that happened and drew all the attention on Remus and Virgil, Roman had a silent anxiety attack. Trembling he stood up, quietly mumbling _No estoy preparado para ser padre._ and taking out his phone to open the app where he had to arrange little squares according to hue. He forced himself to concentrate on the colours, on moving his fingers accordingly and not focus on the fact that their cat would-

Colours. Sorting. Making a clean perfect hue.

I am a wonderful, amazing, gorgeous, magnificent hue-master!

Alright. Okay.

Roman turned back to look at his brother, who was still almost smothering Virgil and decidedly walked up to them. Firmly he grabbed Remus by the arm and pulled him back a little.

“Stop pestering him! Get up and go whip cream to get your energy out. I need more calories after this shock,” Roman chided Remus.

Snickering Remus got up, shoving Roman a little in the shoulder and turning towards the kitchen.

“Oh, you’ll love them too! Don’t worry,” Remus told him as he disappeared.

Roman fumed for a few seconds, massaged the bridge of his nose before he offered Virgil his hand to get up.

“How many kittens does a cat have in a litter, generally?” Roman asked in the most defeated tone they had ever heard him use.

Virgil cleared his throat and answered: “Around four. And don’t pick her up until you know for sure if she’s pregnant or not. You could accidentally hurt the babies.”

Roman nodded and declared that they would have desert now, since he now needed some stress food. Before long the six men sat at the table again, all with a big slice of a fig and raspberry tart. Roman had put a big spoon of whipped cream on his slice and told the others to help themselves with the cream as much as they wanted. Patton took the offer and toasted Roman with a sympathetic smile as Remus bounced on his chair and asked Virgil a million questions about kitten’s and how to care for them.

It was more than clear that Remus was very hyped for the potential of a kitten litter and was already unwilling to give away a single one of them. No matter what Roman would say, Remus wouldn’t change his mind and Roman had to accept it.

“Hey, if they ever get too rowdy and you need a break, I can maybe catsit? Is that a thing?” Patton offered.

That got a snicker out of Roman and he thanked Patton for the gracious offer but Remus would have to catsit, since he was the one who wanted to keep them. Remus said he would do that happily and the evening continued calmly. After finishing desert Roman showed Janus the flat and around ten the four guests eventually bid goodbye and left the twins to themselves.

The tension on Roman’s shoulders had eased away a bit. But it was still there. He still felt it linger and he was glad when Remus asked if he should clean the kitchen, so Roman could get ready for bed.

But next to Remus nobody seemed to have noticed. Which was good and what Roman had wanted. He told himself.

He didn’t want others to know. They didn’t need to know. After all, he had it under control.

At least, that was what he told himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Crow Avenue is back in 2021! Yay! Hope you enjoyed this one! I don't know how the end got so ominous! I'm not sorry!
> 
> Love y'all, please take care and have a wonderful day❤️


	21. Chapter 21

A white wall. A few informational posters on the wall, Remus couldn’t bring himself to read. Instead, he took out his phone for the thirteenth time, yes, he was counting, to look on the time.

3:58 pm

08/06/2020

He still memorized dates and numbers when he got stressed. He hadn’t realized that he was doing that until the nurse in the hospital had told him that Roman’s chart wasn’t going to change every five minutes.

Remus took a deep breath. It was fine. He would be fine.

* * *

_“Do you think I could leave an hour earlier next Thursday?”_

_Roman looked at him with a frown and set the flower pot he was holding down on the floor._

_“Yeah? I can cover you but what do you want to do?” Roman asked in a worried tone._

_Remus took a deep breath._

_“I can have my first therapy session at 4 pm, next Thursday. I just have to give him a thumbs up and I wanted to ask if that’s okay with you before I say yes…”_

* * *

Remus stared at the wall. He noticed that there was a clock hanging over the door, which he hadn’t noticed before. It just had moved to the full hour. And just like that his name was called and the man at the reception led him to the room where he’d meet his potential therapist.

With a grim expression he followed and entered the room the assistant had brought him to. He barely registered any of the interior, not the ficus lyrate in the corner nor the chair colours nor the little indoor well next to the window. He only saw the middle-aged man, with curly hair and inviting smile, who now stood up and walked up to Remus.

“Good day!” he greeted cordially and stretched out his hand.

Remus took it and shook it quickly. The man pointed to a chair for Remus to sit down and said: “I am looking forward to our first trial session, Mr Segura Reyes. If you are ready, I can give you a short rundown of what I do and what we can talk about in this first session. Would that be alright with you?”

Something relaxed in Remus and he found himself saying: “Remus is fine. And yes, I’d like to get a quick overview of how this is going to go down.”

* * *

Mrs. Snuffles fur was fluffy and warm. Remus liked how if felt under his fingers as he petted the lovely cat lady. She had been living with them for almost three weeks now and was by now confirmed to be pregnant and belonged to the twins after their vet visit.

In the morning when he had woken up today, Mrs. Snuffles had known something was up. She had sat with him longer in the morning and the second he had come home from his first session, the cat lady had walked up to him, rubbed against his legs with her body and waited for him to come and sit on the couch with her. Remus had not waited a second to follow her and now sat cross legged on the couch with Mrs Snuffles on his lap.

She was purring loudly and Remus now was occupied with petting her and keeping his mind from spiralling and racing. Not because the session had been bad, no. Not because he felt like it didn’t help, no.

No, it was because it was new and scary and it would be so much work. So much work for him to get better. The first step was done but how many steps were there to come? How many steps backwards? How often would he keep standing still? How much more would he have to inconvenience his brother because he hadn’t gotten better yet?

Remus sighed and sniffed his nose, looking down at Mrs. Snuffles. Her belly began to look pregnant and the kittens would be here in around two to three weeks. He was looking forward to that. But was it fair to them? Fair to them that he would be held responsible for taking care of them? He who was so bad at taking care of anything?

The front door was opened.

“¡He vuelto!”

Remus let out a long breath and he answered: “¡Salón!”

Not a moment later Roman stood in the living room and looked at his twin. Moments passed and Roman and Remus just looked at each other.

* * *

_“Of course you can-”_

_Roman stopped and gaged the nervous look on Remus’s face. He calmed himself, and gave Remus a soft smile._

_“Do you need me to not make a big thing about it?”_

_Almost shy Remus nodded._

_“Okay, Emi. It’s okay. I’ll cover the shift. No big deal,” Roman said and squeezed his brother’s shoulder._

* * *

“Uhm… Did it-? Do you want to have dinner?” Roman settled with eventually and kept standing in the door frame.

Remus blinked and looked down to Mrs. Snuffles. Into her big blue eyes. They were so very round and beautiful. They reminded him of Patton’s glasses and the faithful eyes beneath them.

He didn’t want to burden Roman. But he needed somebody to talk to. And sow Remus looked up again and tried to finally do a little better.

“I wanna talk with someone… Would you be mad if it’s not you?”

Remus didn’t know his voice could crack at so many places in just two sentences. And yet, Roman relaxed visibly, he walked towards Remus and sat down next to him. He stretched his hand out for Mrs. Snuffles to smell at then petted her neck a little.

“Of course, I won't be mad. I am glad you want to talk and it's okay if it's not me,” Roman told Remus with a reassuring look. “Do you know with whom you want to talk?”

Remus gulped and let his hand rest in Mrs. Snuffles fur. He wasn't sure if Patton even had the time to listen to him. Or maybe he wouldn't want to listen to him? Remus could be a lot after all and he made Patton go through very painful situations and memories already. Maybe he didn't want to listen to him anymore.

“Patton,” Remus said nevertheless and gave his brother an uncertain look.

Roman just grinned a little and nodded. He took his phone out and asked him: “Shall I ask if he's got some time for you or do you wanna do it yourself?”

Remus hesitated for a moment. Then he took out his phone and texted Patton if he had time for him. When he hit send Roman gave him a firm hug and he let himself melt a little against Roman's body. He was warm, soft and very nice to cuddle with. He was so grateful to have Roman for a brother. He was such a good brother.

Remus's screen lit up and his eyes flew over Patton's answer.

Poppy:  
Sure! It will be fun :)

Remus snorted at the text and softly bullied Mrs. Snuffles to get of his lap. Quickly, he said goodbye to Roman, threw a jacket on and walked over to the house next door. He wrung his hands uncertainly before he finally pressed the doorbell. Patton answered quickly and told him to come up to the third floor. Remus followed and soon was let into Patton’s apartment.

The place was a mess. There was laundry everywhere, papers and so much more that Remus couldn’t possibly register. It also was very Patton. There were pastel colours everywhere, little sticky notes on diverse objects with memos or positive comments all over the place. Remus couldn’t stop looking and only registered he had been staring for a while when Patton cleared his throat.

“Sorry for the mess. I’m not the most orderly person,” Patton excused himself and scratched the back of his neck.

Remus grinned and waved it off.

“Oh, don’t worry! A little bit of chaos is always fun! I should thank you for letting me come over!”

Patton relaxed and laughed at the answer and told Remus to sit down at his table if he wanted. Remus followed and the messy tattoo artist picked up an old newspaper and a few pens so they had some space on the table top. He asked Remus if he wanted some coffee and Remus confirmed.

Patton idly chatted as he prepared the coffee, letting Remus comfortably watch as he moved around in his narrow kitchen and bumped into knickknacks and forgotten cutlery. It was such a homely and charming view Remus found himself thinking and just grinned as Patton tasted the milk before putting it in his own cup.

“Well,” Patton said as he sat down and put Remus’s cup in front of him, “I’m very happy to have you here and I don’t want to assume, but is there something you wanted to talk about with me? You’ve never came over before, so I was wondering.”

Remus shifted in his seat and looked into his cup. Yes, his reason for being here wasn’t a happy one. He really hadn’t known how much he had wanted to avoid the topic until this moment but now it was rather clear to him.

“You don’t have to tell me though. We can just chat for a bit, it’s really fine with me,” Patton reassured him after a moment.

That was what lent Remus the strength to speak up.

“I,” Remus said a bit hectically but said nevertheless, “I had my first appointment with a therapist today. It was good, I think, I just. It’s a lot. Not like – the therapy itself, not right now at least, but what’s – what’s coming next. There is so much that I’ll have to change, that I’ll have to learn and look into. So much that’s going to be hard and so much I’ll fail at. And- and- I’m- I’m scared. I’ve gotten a lot of chances and I don’t know if I’ll get another one after this and I- I can’t – I can’t mess this one up-”

Patton tapped him on the back of his hands and told him to take some deep breaths. And Remus followed. He hadn’t been hyperventilating, not yet at least, but the break certainly calmed him down.

“Sorry…” Remus said meekly and self-consciously pulled his hand back.

Patton made a clicking sound with his tongue and waited until Remus looked back up at him again. As Remus did, Patton gently smiled at him.

“I’m not upset,” Patton told him and stretched his hand out for Remus to take it if he desired to do so. “It’s okay to be afraid and to feel overwhelmed. This is a big step after so many years, Remus.”

Remus gulped and nodded after a few moments. He kept looking at Patton and saw the corners of his lips pull up a little more.

“And for what it’s worth; I am very proud of you for going to therapy and talk with me about what makes you uncomfortable about it.”

Oh well. There went Remus’s heart. Completely and utterly swept away by this man with the stubby chin and cheeks who looked at him in all honesty and made his brain turn into a dumb but very happy pile of mushy grey brain goo.

“Thanks... It means- It means a lot coming from you,” Remus answered with a tiny smile himself and let himself take Patton’s hand for the time being.

Patiently Patton nudged Remus to get all he needed off his chest. And the florist complied. He explained how Jérôme had guided him through the first session (yes, they were on first name basis) and which things that got broached and mentioned. Remus said which things had surprised him and what he had expected.

Patton listened, gave him a blanket when he started to shiver a little, those Segura Reyes twins really were cold-blooded, and told a little about his own experience when the situation called for it. It was strange seeing Remus being so vulnerable and timid. But it wasn’t like back on that day.

Remus was different from then. Not desperate and Patton was grateful for every word Remus spoke and every time he looked at him.

He was happy to help him. He felt warm seeing his worries getting addressed and tackled and he felt so much relief when Remus finally said that he wanted to go back to his brother and talk with him about it.

Quietly they bid each other goodbye, Remus spontaneously pulling him in a tight hug and Patton gave into it easily. Then Remus left and Patton’s head kept bringing him back to the quirky florist for the rest of the evening.

How Remus talked with such ease about anything and everything, how he smiled no matter how dark or concerning the topic was and how much he cared about his brother. Patton could not understand the latter completely, since he was an only child. But he could see how dear Roman was to him and he respected him immensely for it. The sheer strength it must have taken form him to keep on walking and existing despite his head telling him to end it.

At the same time Patton was also admiring Roman. How could he have gone through life, always having to thing for two. Always having to look out for his brother and making sure both of them had all they needed to survive the next day. It was so much to ask of one single person. 

Patton looked at his phone for a moment. The thought of calling Sergio, one of his exes, crossed his mind and he was far too close to pull through with it, before he reminded himself of the better and instead called his Dad to catch up a little. His old man really needed a reminder of how much Patton loved him and how grateful he was for him being there for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter! Woohoo! I hope you enjoyed it^^
> 
> I'd appreciate a kudo, bookmark or comment and hope you had fun reading this^^
> 
> NOw, please have a wonderful day, love y'all and please take care!


	22. Chapter 22

Lunch was going well this Friday and Virgil was talking with Logan about good books on pet care for families and kids who wanted to help with the training of their pets. Because of that he almost missed Roman asking Remus about changing the working hours.

“Why would you want to change the opening and closing times?” Virgil asked a little anxiously even though he did not know why he felt anxious right now.

Roman was reacting quicker than Remus was and turned to Virgil with a gentle smile on his lips.

“Oh, we’re thinking about hiring someone working part-time for the store. Ideally, they could also help us with the taxes and stuff but just a helping hand would be a nice start. And if we had help, we could maybe do an evening sale once a week or and open on Saturdays,” Roman explained and suddenly all were staring at him.

Logan, Virgil and Janus seemed a little taken aback while Patton looked slightly overwhelmed though happy. Curiously he let his eyes rest on Remus and saw him subtly nod towards his direction. Patton beamed. The twins had had a talk yesterday night and he felt so happy that things finally were turning around for them. They truly deserved it.

“So, you could maybe have some more free time, I assume?” Patton offered after another beat of silence and Roman directly caught onto his line of reasoning.

“Yeah,” Roman agreed with a wide smile, “that was the plan! We never had that luxury before but I think that we could try to treat ourselves now, right Emi?”

Remus leaned back in his chair and looked uncharacteristically blank from Roman to Patton before he gave a slow nod and added: “Yeah. That’s the idea. The flowers sales are working well and we have a steady number of returning customers. It’s not a bad investment to employ someone now, when were still having everything under control. It’s the best time to make them familiar with the shop.”

“I wasn’t aware that your store was going this well,” Logan said and eyed the brothers with furrowed brows.

At that Remus’s odd behaviour stopped and he snickered, while Roman gasped offendedly. With astounding speaking speed Roman began to rattle down about the flower delivery service, the decoration for different holidays and celebrations, they provided as well as all the advertisements he had made and was still making on social media and the several posters and flyers he had hung up on community boards and distributed around a few retirement homes as well in parks around the aera.

“When did you have time to do all that?” Janus asked as Roman ended and began to eat the pasta he had prepared for them today.

Chewing and gesticulating with his fork Roman answered: “Before the move we had a few days, because we packed everything up rather quickly and then I got to design a few things on our laptop. And when we came here, I did the footwork, when Rem had a bit of help from the movers to get the store in order. It’s an important part of business and mouth to mouth advertisement is really good with clientele but especially older clientele, like ours. And we can’t stop now just because it’s going well. We’ve gotta go with the time and make sure we’re still what our customers want and need.”

“So, you’re basically your own advertisement department?” Janus asked frowning.

“Yeah. It’s important for business. I want to eat and for us to have a home. Can’t be slacking off, can I? Also, I like doing it. Our teacher always let me design new posters for the store and even paid for a and editing program that I still use because I was really good at it. It’s a fun change from – Oh, do you think I could hang up a job application ad at the board from the theatre group? Or would Rodriguez not like that?”

Janus almost had a whiplash from the sudden change of topic but then confirmed that Roman very likely wouldn’t have any objections against that. Roman seemed to be more than happy about it and the group returned to their lunch and previous conversations.

* * *

A week later Janus and Roman went to the meeting of their theatre group. Roman had offered to drive him, so Virgil didn’t have to or that Janus didn’t have to drive himself, as he apparently wasn’t a good driver and didn’t like to drive. To Janus it was a rather welcome development and he liked sitting on the co-driver’s seat and watching Roman behind the wheel.

When they arrived, nothing was out of the ordinary; they greeted their friends, asked how everyone was, just the causal small talk until all where here and they could start with the current meeting.

The time flew by and soon their meeting had reached the end. They were all sticking around for a bit and Roman took his chance to talk with Rodriguez about the ad he wanted to hang up and went to talk with him in the backroom where they stored some props. Janus used that opportunity to gather the rest and finally speak with Samantha.

“Okay, I need to be quick but I have a small request, Sammy dearest,” Janus began and the whole group was already curiously listening.

“What is it Jay?” Samantha asked rather suspiciously of the sweet tone.

Unbothered by her visible distrust Janus answered: “You will be out of town at the 4th, as you usually are, I assume?”

“Yeah, I just wanted to remind you all of-”

“Do me a favour and do not do that. I would like to surprise Roman with something. And as I know him, he won’t let himself have some additional downtime which means I will have to trick him into it. And for that I could use the meeting as an excuse, if you would not inform him that it’s not taking place.”

Samantha blinked several times before she frowned at him and raised an eyebrow in a disapproving manner.

“I won’t help you seduce this him, Jay. I’m not an accomplice to your playboy stick,” she told him.

Janus let out a groan and he shot a vicious look the tree women that snickered at his predicament.

“For once I’m not trying to do that, Sam! He – He needs something for himself and I doubt that a one-night stand is what that is or that he would even be interested in that. I really just want him to have something nice. He’s been through a lot lately and I don’t think he’s really taking care of himself. Just don’t say anything to him. I’ll do the rest. It’s all I ask of you.”

Samantha scrunched her nose. She wouldn’t say she was Janus’s friend but she liked the man well enough. He was a cynical and sarcastic character and he was a decent improviser and actor. And she did respect him, despite his casual anecdotes of sleeping with random men once in a while. She looked over his shoulder and saw Roman and Rodriguez coming back.

Roman was not any random man to her. He was charming and passionate about what they were doing here. He was definitely talented but more importantly he was a hard worker. He tried harder than the others and put a lot more effort and time in the little practices they did. And other than that, she simply liked him. So, she took a leap of faith and nodded to Janus and shot the rest of them a look to keep their mouths shut about this.

Gratefully, Janus gave her a nod of acknowledgement before he turned towards Roman who walked towards him with a big smile.

“I assume, I will have to wait as you are hanging up your flyer?” Janus asked playfully and Roman shoved him softly.

“A flyer? What for?” Renee asked.

Roman turned towards the middle-aged woman. She was Celia’s friend and drove her here. Curiously she watched as Roman showed her the piece of paper he was going to hang up close to the door.

“Job application? You look for someone working in your store?”

Roman nodded and explained: “Yes! It’s going well and we could use a helping hand.”

Renee’s eyes wandered over the paper and she looked back up at him.

“This is a part-time job for a flower shop, do I see that right?”

“Yes. If you know someone who would be interested, please let them know! The payment and workload will be discussed in the interview with me and my brother, if you were wondering,” Roman explained as his tone got a little more serious.

Renee nodded and studied the paper a little longer. The she glanced back up at him and scratched the side of her nose.

“I used to work in a flower boutique and my youngest is up to college now. I’ve got the time for a job to be honest but I’d like to know why you decided to hire now? You haven’t been open very long, not even a year, as I understand it. Why didn’t you hire someone from the beginning or do it later?”

Janus watched Roman’s expression grow serious. The others hadn’t seen him like that before. Even when he plays a serious character it has no resemblance with the person that was standing here in front of them now. This, Janus assumed, was businessman Roman. The Roman that was concerned with his and his brother’s survival and would do what it takes to get them through.

And suddenly it slipped. He grew softer again and looked sheepishly to the side before telling her patiently: “We are writing black numbers and have already established a number of returning customers. But it is getting a bit much since it requires both of us to work with little to no breaks. So, it is a decision for my and especially my brother’s mental health. If you are interested in the position, further information will be disclosed at the given time.”

Renee looked at him rather surprised. Roman simply cracked a grin and huffed, walking past her towards the entrance where he could hang up the ad.

“But do not apply if you’re not a hard worker! We won’t take you just because I know you and you have some free time to fill!” he called over his shoulder and Cecilia and a few others started to laugh while Renee didn’t look too amused about that comment.

Janus just looked after him and let his words from before go through his head. There had been something hanging around the twins and Janus hadn’t been able to point his finger on it. Now he had something to go off and when Roman and he told the others goodbye and drove back home, Janus took the chance to make sure he was assuming the right thing.

“I suppose that there would be a reason as why you wouldn’t tell me and you certainly don’t have to now, but did something happen with Remus and you that you are doing this for your mental health?” Janus asked as they stopped at a red light.

Finger tapping. Roman’s fingers were tapping on the wheel and his eyes directed to the street while he occasionally glanced to the rear mirrors. He pressed down the gas pedal as the red light went green and Janus assumed that this was the end of the conversation. But as the had left the crossroad, Roman cleared his throat and Janus turned to look at him.

“Rem’s going to a therapist every Thursday. He scheduled it himself, made all the calls. I only learnt about it when he asked me if he could leave earlier to go to the meeting. He isn’t super comfortable to tell everyone that he is going, which is why we hadn’t said anything yet. So, please don’t tell Virgil or Logan.”

Janus faltered. He hadn’t expected that. He hadn’t expected to see Remus going through with it. Not that he didn’t want he to get better but the possibility of Remus actually trying to do some work on his mental health had seemed so impossible in his mind.

“Is the silence a sign of disbelief?” Roman asked with a grin.

With a fake cough Janus tried to regain his composure.

“I wouldn’t say disbelief...”

“It’s fine. Quite frankly-” Roman paused as they stopped at another red-light and looked to Janus with such a unbelieving and yet relieved expression – “I’d had lost hope a good while ago. For him truly getting better. Parts of my head already trying to accommodate myself to a life where he no longer would be. Not that I think I could live a life without him but – Well. Now he’s trying and I think it’s worth to try and believe in him.”

Janus was left speechless. Roman was a lot of things; brave, enthusiastic, idealistic, hot-headed and a hard worker. He was not a quitter. He was not a guy like Janus who gave up when he realized something would get too complicated or too hard.

But maybe that thought wasn’t quite fair to Roman. Because Roman was human. He had lived a rather eventful and traumatizing life; he had fought his way up to this very moment but how often had he fallen back? How often did he fail at the things he deemed too important to fail at? Even the hardest optimist had their limits. And Roman had almost lost his brother four times now. The only thing that he had been able to rely on for so long. And Roman had just told him something that Remus had explicitly told Roman not to tell other people.

“Why did you tell me?” Janus asked as they reached their destination and Roman had parked his car.

Roman turned and looked at him while unbuckling his seatbelt. He met Janus’s gaze and paused in his movements for a minute.

“I am scared too. Not only him. This feels like a last chance and it’s nagging on my brain. I needed to tell someone who isn’t him or Pat. And so, I told you. Because I trust you.”

Janus just stared into Roman’s dark brown eyes. He wasn’t sure if he was still breathing or if he had stopped but in this moment he didn’t care. He couldn’t care. All his mind was telling him in this moment was that he was looking at Roman, who trusted him and that he was entirely uncertain as of why he did trust him.

“I don’t understand,” Janus said with a dry mouth. “I - I acted inconsiderately after Remus’s _attempt_. I was not helpful to you in that moment when you needed me most and-”

“That was this evening. That one evening. And yeah, it was a big thing but it was big for us all. Stressful for us all. And you have your story and baggage too. I cannot expect of you to act perfectly in that situation. And I don’t. Not when you excelled in every moment after. You were kind and understanding and I appreciate it a lot. You let me hold your hand. You came for me and it’s been a while since anyone came just for me.”

Nothing terrible should happen to Roman ever again. No one should ever hurt him again. He should never be in danger again. And Janus would do whatever was in his power to secure that he decided in that very moment, as he looked into Roman’s eyes and just gave a nod before he got out of the car.

They parted ways. Janus got ready for the set in James’ bar and after he had played for the night, he sat down to the gang’s usual table. Listened to Logan talk with Roman over classic literature, greeted Virgil when he joined them later on and made sure to keep an eye on Roman for the whole evening.

* * *

Virgil and Janus had decided to have a movie night this Saturday evening and Janus was now in the kitchen getting the second batch of chips during one of the cheaper vampire movies he had ever seen in his life. And due to his nephews love of such movies, he had seen a fair share of them.

Whistling a tune Janus checked his phone and to his dismay found another message of Juno. She had been on his case for the last few days and normally he had little problem to blend her badgering out, but not when it was about this. He sighed, pushed the message away and got back to Virgil in the living room. Unceremoniously, he flicked the light switch on and got Virgil’s attention.

With a frown Virgil looked over and as Janus waved with his phone, while putting the chips bowl down on their coffee table, he had a hunch what was going on.

“Did Mom write you about something?” Virgil asked and pulled his legs onto the couch to hug them against his chest.

Janus clicked his tongue and put his hand next to the bowl before he bitterly smirked to Virgil.

“I get that she’s your Mom and that she worries and that you talk with her about stuff that weighs you down,” Janus began in the calmest voice he could muster. “But did you really have to talk with her about what happened to the twins? She’s bugging me about it since you did and asks regularly if something else happened and if it worries you or makes you sick.”

Virgil’s expression darkened the more Janus spoke and when he had finished Virgil pressed his face against his knees and groaned in agony.

“I told her not to freak out! I really said that I’m fine, uncle J! I – I just- I’m sorry she’s giving you a hard time! I just wanted to talk with her about – about you know? We almost lost Remus and we had no idea! It – it-” Virgil tried to explain but couldn’t quite finish.

Sighing Janus moved closer to his nephew and put his hand on his knee, drawing little circles on it.

“I get it, chief. I do. It’s a heavy load those two brought with them. And you were brave enough to still choose to interact with them, while I shied away from it at first. I’m just annoyed by her, you know. She always dots you and she really isn’t talking nicely about neither Roman nor Remus even though neither is responsible for all of that. She cannot see that though and maybe you could try and not mention them too much to her for the moment? Just so I could get a little peace of mind for now?”

“Yeah, sure… I’m sorry about her. She always makes it hard on you, even though you’re not responsible for me.”

Janus smiled and Virgil looked up again and rested his chin on his knees.

“You’re her only baby. She’s worried,” Janus replied and ruffled through his hair with a fond grin. “Not everyone has the best son on earth, you know.”

“Oh, shut up!” Virgil squealed and hid his head again by pressing it against his knees.

Janus snickered and put the movie back on to get Virgil out of hiding. It worked and the two continued watching the movie in silence. Virgil ended up huddling against Janus’s side and he kept “stealing” chips from his bowl even though Janus had it brought for the two of them.

“Are you worried about her disliking Roman?”

Janus looked over to Virgil with a frown. His nephew smirked a little and continued: “Because she might give you shit once you’re together with him?”

Groaning Janus shoved Virgil to the side and listened him giggle at his theatrics just to shove him back into the upper arm. Janus bickered for a moment to which Virgil only rolled his eyes and eventually flicked his arm again, so Janus would stop.

“Listen,” Virgil said as Janus rubbed his arm in pretended pain, “it’s fine that you like him.”

“I do not.”

“Yes, you do and don’t interrupt me. He’s a sweet guy. And you keep insisting that he doesn’t need a relationship now but you shouldn’t decide for him if that’s the case. He should get a say in it too. I mean like, if I shouldn’t get doted on, he shouldn’t either, am I right?”

Janus said nothing to that and Virgil knew that he had one this argument. He settled down again and they kept watching the end of the movie before putting in Mary Poppins after Janus’s request.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Romantic feelings? For florists? For acting florists? No, Janus would never. Would he?
> 
> So, hey I hope you had fun with this and please leave a kudo, bookmark or comment, if you got the time!  
> Love y'all, take care and have a wonderful day<3


End file.
